Step daughter doesn’t like me

10 replies

Michelle46 · 23/09/2024 15:12

I have been with my partner for 6 years I have three kids, he has three kids and we have a 1 year old together.
everything was good, until one of my step daughters came to our house and kicked off because I was late picking them up (20 minutes was stuck in traffic, they was at there aunts house) because there mums youngest daughter with new partner was late getting home for her bed time. I had my baby in the car. Myself and her dad both said that was unfair and they was local there mum could of dropped them to me if there was an issue.
then it was her dads birthday I messaged saying could I pick her and her sister up so we could all do something in the evening for his birthday. I had work and had to collect mine from school and the baby from mg parents. She said if I was there by 5 she wasn’t coming. I couldn’t say I could be there be 5, so she said no. This upset me as my partner does so much for them all and I said to her this is rude and so hurtful towards your dad.
she blocked her dad and didn’t even message him on Father’s Day. She is almost 17. She is now talking to her dad but only wants to see him not the rest of us. He works all week and most Saturdays and is saying to her he can’t live two separate lives, and the day he has off he wants to spend with everyone.
I just don’t know the answer and how to try and sort this all out. She is adamant she hates me and never wants to see me again.
My partner has said she isn’t an only child and she needs to think of our new baby too. Is understand if I was really out of order but my partner pulls my kids on their behaviour all the time and rightly so. Any advice much appreciated

OP posts:

Mycatmax · 23/09/2024 15:16

My advice is to stay out of it. Sounds like your DH is handling it well.

anyoneforcustard · 23/09/2024 15:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

thestepmumspacepodcast · 23/09/2024 15:20

She's 17..... so many emotions going on.

I'd let her have whatever relationship her and her Dad want to have. It's not for you to 'fix' and you'll drive yourself mad trying and it still might not make any difference.

I can see how it might be hard for you and your kids if you were all close before though. Give her time, maybe there's stuff going on behind the scenes that you don't know about.... If her Dad only has one day a week for family could he give her some one on one time for some of it and then the rest of the day for everyone else?

Take care and don't shoulder it all x

Sinisterdexter · 23/09/2024 15:28

If they were 17 and local why didn’t they walk?

She’s a teen, just stay out of it and let your dh deal with her.
Everything is a drama at that age, don’t feed into it.

Ponderingwindow · 23/09/2024 15:30

has she stopped sleeping at your home or is she still maintaining the custody schedule?

DaisyChain505 · 23/09/2024 15:33

Step back and let your DH deal with this.

NorthernSpirit · 23/09/2024 21:47

Look up the NACHO method of step parenting. Not your child, not your problem. It will save your sanity.

She sounds a right madam. Your DH/OH is doing the right thing by not being dictated to by a child. Let your DH/OH deal with her.

My own SD now 19 - I haven’t seen for 4 years (I’ve been in her life for over 10). She also refuses to see her dad and hasn’t communicated with him in 4 years.

For circa 2 years - she was moody, monosyllabic and pretty unpleasant to be around. My DH would address it with her and ‘I don’t know’ or ‘nothing’ was ever wrong.

4 years ago my DH discovered she was taking photos of my personal bank statements/letters and sending them to her mum. We also discovered she was breaking into her dads phone and taking pictures of our personal WhatsApp messages and sending them to her mum.

Since getting found out - she’s refused all contact, won’t communicate and blocked her dad. Every month he writes to her - he gets absolutely nothing back.

Her dad is absolutely heart broken that she refuses to see him, communicate with him.

Me - it’s an absolute relief to not have to put up with her. Weekends were pretty unpleasant when she was around.

My advice - detach and hope once she matures things will change.

Good luck 🤞

banality101 · 25/09/2024 20:46

She sounds totally self absorbed and controlling. It's all well and good some posters saying 'stay out of it' but her behaviour has a knock on effect on you and everyone else so obviously this is impossible to do. I hope your DP continues to stick to the line that she is not an only child and that the world doesn't centre around her.

thestepmumspacepodcast · 26/09/2024 19:48