Lack of respect

[spence007]

any ideas on how not to respond badly to a 12 year old that has 0 respect for their step dad?

Find out what the reason is. Talk to the child and find out what is going on.

But remember respect should be earned, it is not an automatic right.

Get to the bottom of the why, if he just has a chip on his shoulder because you’ve moved on, he needs a reality check and told you don’t have to like Dave but you do have to be polite. I will not tolerate Dave being rude to you either. Set the boundaries and make it clear to all

A bit more context would probably be easier to offer advice, how long step dad has been in step child's life? If actual dad is on the scene? What step child is actually doing/saying. I think step parents get a really hard deal, if a teacher told a child off for being rude no one wouldn't bat an eyelid but if a step parent told a step child off they'd be the wicked step mother/father. I'd take the approach on if the child done this to any other adult how would you deal with it, unless of course step dad is being horrible to the child then that's completely different

Ask him?

Another outburst and told to fucknoff

I'm 50 male, and she's 12

I'm quite fiery, and so is she

You are an adult. She is not. You can't be "fiery" with a child - especially when she is not your child.

Step way way back from interfering/parenting. Ask your wife to talk to her.

How long have you been in her life?

Your wife needs to discuss it with her dd.

& quite possibly, they'll conclude that you were quite reasonably told to fuck off. Or it might be the kid should be politer.

It does rather depend if you were throwing your weight around?

You don't have to stay if you dislike being told to fuck off.

Your wife's dd doesn't have to like or respect you - you need to earn that.

the approach depends on how long you have spent building a relationship.