Moving in together

[hatelife]

Really struggling with my step kids,
I have two boys and he has two girls. We are in the process of moving in together but finding somewhere big enough is hard within budget.
We all stay at his currently when he has his children but this room sizes are just too small and with my children being resident children they should have the bigger room but he wants to give this to his daughter which means we would have to move as the room wouldn’t fit their stuff.

Problem is the 9 year old girl acts hyper the entire time; she constantly wants and wants. Yesterday the day out just for her cost £120. Today was £40. This is every weekend. The eldest daughter threw a bit of a tantrum when out yesterday so messaged her mum to come and get her and drop her back to her dads so she could wait there for him. She has decided to move into her dads atm whilst deciding where she wants to live full time.
He is saying it’s unfair of me to say I don’t think we can all move in together if she lives there full time. He works long shifts so it would be upto me to do everything for her, plus he has changed. Whereas before we would argue and he would do his hardest to sort things now he just doesn’t.

We have a few days out to theatres and things booked with my kids, and a weekend away. Hes planning to go but she doesn’t want to do the stuff we are so now he’s on about pulling out and my kids are upset. I believe he should be telling her she’s coming, she’s not 18 she’s a child. But he allows both kids to decide if we eat, what we eat, if we go out, if we see certain people etc.

I am desperate to make it work just struggling with how to right now. Feel like I want to just show him am getting attention and offers from other men but I know it’s petty.

@Sayingitstraight
We haven't fully moved in, it's all in conversations, if my kids had the bigger room at his as it's designed for two people and his daughter has the room they are being moved to as it set up for 1 then jr would work

No financial gain, not in the interests of any of the kids, I can't understand why you'd choose to make your kids lives worse by making them live with these people?
Date one of the blokes that are pursuing you, the current boyfriend or no one at all. Don't seek out hassle and drudgery.

I honestly can't believe this is still going on!

You need to remain in separate properties until the children fly the nest.
It won't work and all the children will be miserable.
Do not try and blend these families

Why are you so desperate to do something that 100% is not in your childrens best interests.

All this upheaval and drama so that you can look after his children 6 days a week.

You are wrong to consider this in any shape or form.

He puts his children first, you need to do the same.

Do not do this to your children.

How handy for him to have someone else to parent his child six days a week. And someone who earns more than him when he can't manage his own money properly.

He has asked me for the last year to move in

Why do you think he might be so keen for you to move in, and yet continues (rightly imo) to prioritise his DC ?

Why on earth would you do this? What do you see as the advantages for your DC? Yeah, they are keen but do children really have the maturity to make this kind of decision. They really need their parent to have their best interests at hear.

Good luck

My god woman, why are you unwilling to see the glaringly obvious? If you proceed down this road you and him are going to cause misery to everyone. It’s just not going to work. Just date him (or anyone else) and keep your living arrangements separate.

You're already complaining about how much he spends on his DD in a day. If you move in together and combine finances this is going to be a massive bone of contention when you're paying the majority of the household costs while he's splashing £100+ a day on one child and bailing out of days out with yours.

I see absolutely no reason for you to move in together but a tonne of reasons not to. I have a feeling you'll push ahead with this anyway.

Why look after someone else's kid until 11 pm six days a week. Say no and enjoy your own space

I was going to ask how old all the children are but it doesn't really matter as it sounds like a nightmare, regardless. Your DP has non-existent boundaries with his daughter and that's never going to change.

Please put your sons first by living apart until all the children are grown up.

Everything about this is a nightmare for both sides! Don’t do it!

I’m glad, OP, that you saved your dignity and realized it’s not a great idea to show him you’re getting “offers” of dates from other men. That’s not petty, it’s manipulative. Who wants a partner who tries to create s-xual jealousy as a weapon whenever there’s a disagreement? These things might get you want you want in the immediate moment, and provide a brief flare of power, but they never pay off in the long term; people wise up and get sick of such tactics.

And he might call your bluff…he might just be glad there’s someone else “offering” to take you off his hands!

Come on, OP, get a grip. You'd have to be a complete idiot to move in with him. His children would be incredibly hard work and he plans to leave you to get on with that.

Your children might say they want to move in but I can promise you they won't be happy there. His children need his full attention. You will be overworked and pissed off. Your boyfriend will be the only happy one as he'll have a resident nanny and cleaner.

You know damn well you'll be miserable. No man is worth all this.