Stepchild's mum is on only fans not under an alias!

[KlunkDancer]

Just to put it out there, we have zero issue with her being on only fans or being a seggs worker as long as it doesn't affect stepchild. Not here to judge.

Stepchild is away to go to high-school. We have been alerted by another parent that some of the kids in their class were looking up everyone's mum and dads on the Internet. They stumbled upon a link on Google images, clicked on it and here she is in the buff and on one of her profiles outwith only fans she is writing that she is into quite extreme stuff! They've been told by their parents not to utter a word about it to my stepchild. To be honest I think it was one of the parents, she has caused trouble with the parents at the school in the past. I've been in stepchilds life since they were 1, my husband and their mum split during pregnancy as she was cheating. She has BPD and she has put us and her own family through hell over the years and never ceases to amaze me. Social work have been involved with her, still are as she has other kids to other men and there have been issues. Stepchild and me are very close, they have terrible anxiety as it is. The thought of this coming out or them getting teased in school makes my heart break.

How on earth should my husband address this? We've thought about asking her to change her name to an alias on onlyfans and the other sites she's on as stepchild shares a double surname with her. Just so the kids can't look her up.

Dear lord. Yes your husband needs to ask her to change her name asap. What a situation, I am sorry.

We had a similar situation. My stepkids mum has an OnlyFans and was posting about it on social media although as far as I'm aware there was no links to her profile or anything. Her and her boyfriend also have joint Snapchat and Instagram accounts where they share explicit photos. Thankfully both private now but for a time they weren't. She has also posted photos on Facebook in her lingerie and has made comments about her sex life, liking it rough and how good she is about making herself orgasm. My DSS17 lives with us full time and a lot of that is to do with his mother behaviour. He woke up one day to a barrage of messages from his friends who all discovered his mum's next raunchy Snapchat account.

Honestly, I don't think there is too much you can do. If she's posting naked photos of herself on a public platform, I'm pretty sure she doesn't care about your opinion on it. You can try to suggest she's more careful and changes her name etc but I wouldn't expect a positive result.

All you can do is be there for your DSS. How often do you have him currently? I'd be inclined to have him majority of the time, certainly midweek so his mum is distanced from school. It'll be very embarrassing for him having his mum at his new school when half the school have seen her naked.

Omg this sounds awful and very similar tbh. We have stepchild 50/50 we have tried to argue to basically have them more but mum and her enabling team of people (friends & people she has spun a narrative to) got involved and said they felt it would be bad for HER mental health and it would be seen as punitive to pull stepchild away more. The issue is stepchild is very loyal to her, has lied for her and even makes excuses for her. It's sometimes like stepchild is the parent in that house. There are other siblings there too and stepchild misses them aswell so it probs would be unfair to pull her away more than 50%. We also live miles away because of course mum up and moved out of nowhere one day, left baby daddy number 3 and we just had to go along with it. It was during covid aswell so trying to get a court order etc to prevent it would have taken months! So school run is 40 minutes when they are with us 50% of the week and they are at that age where they hate getting up early. It's difficult but we just remain focused on helping them. Mum is such an attention seeker and drama lover that she would likely love the text from us saying we've seen it, change your name. 🙄

I don't see the issue personally, guess it depends what kind of stuff the mum has on there. Is it feet or whatnot or is it of a sexual nature etc.

What an awful situation for you both to be in. I'm guessing that the OP''s stepchild is a little younger, if they are starting high school. It's a tricky age as they are trying to find themselves and probably not mature enough to be thinking about the type of things that their mum is posting. However I don't see this staying secret for long, despite the kids involved being told to stay silent. It only takes one malicious person or a falling out, before it gets thrown in their face.

I think if it were me, I would work out some way of breaking the news in a calm, nonjudgmental and not too explicit way. I do think it might be best to get advice from someone qualified like a counsellor or someone who is used to talking to teenagers, as this could really escalate into a reason for bullying. At least if school is aware, they can be watching for it and the stepchild isn't caught blindsided. Obviously it's got to be done sensitively and in a way that they don't immediately get defensive or feel judged. I don't think a name change will stop the issue because kids are tech savvy and know all about using reverse image search, and then it's off again. That's the problem with the internet, once it's posted, it's got a life of it's own and you can't take it down.
Depending on exactly what is being posted, it could turn into a safeguarding issue too and you definitely don't want anyone thinking that you were "ok" with the situation. Shared custody is difficult enough without social services getting involved against you. I know that is the extreme scenario but best to err on the side of caution and get the support for your step kid, so they are emotionally equipped to deal with it before it blows up through out the school!

You need to construct a narrative for him

"Yes I know it s so embarrassing. But it s her choice"

He should not have to hide it

Argh no awkward.

I don’t see an issue with her doing Only Fans as a way to earn income, but under her own name noooooooo.

If other kids have seen it then it’s definitely going to get out.

I would say to your husband he needs to have a chat with her and explain other kids in the school have seen it. She may then want to address it with your stepchild directly.

You seriously don't see the issue ! This poor child's life will be made hell at his new school and you think that's ok !

Oh heck this is awful. High school nowadays is tough on kids. It's always been brutal for kids with drama in their lives, but bullying and social media situations are rife nowadays and add a horrible dimension.

It will not help if you act judgemental in anyway to mum or show judgement in front of your step child (kids are naturally protective to mum even when they don't deserve it). And she actually probably gets off on everyone knowing about her...and seeing her...so she might take satisfaction in just refusing to see reason if your judgy about it.

I would maybe take the approach of please make it less trackable...change your account to an alias etc 👍. Think of your daughter and how she will feel if her friends see you. Then hopefully she can get her head out of her ass and see your reasoning and put her kid first. There's nothing else you can do really except be there for your step child as you have been doing. Well done you for stepping up for your Husband's child...it's not always that way and it's not easy to achieve in a blended family. Sounds like your doing a good job 👍. Good luck OP ❤️ 🤞

As said above. What has been posted is explicit. It's not feet, we wish. It's *egging, peeing into things and then pouring them, various other fetishes that I'm not even going to write on here.

Thank you for this. I leave all liaising up to my husband as I've been bitten many times by her mum (she has BPD) and for my own sanity I keep away. I never show judgement infront of stepchild. She knows we don't talk and she has also witnessed her mum being nasty to me for virtually nothing. So she gets it to some extent.

She's not doing it as income and declaring taxes. She's on benefits.

I’m sorry I have no advice but just wanted to say you seem like an amazing step mum ❤️