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Step-parenting

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SC Mother has no respect

10 replies

VEP · 02/08/2024 11:31

I have been with my partner 11 years, his son has lived with us the whole time and his daughter did for a few years. My partner split up with the mother 5 years before I met him but she has always been needy and thinks that she is the love of his life and no one will ever come close to what they had, blah blah.

I have tried on several occasions over the years to have some sort of relationship with her but gave up. She slags me off, especially when she has a drink, which she does a lot. I have put a roof over her head in the past when she has gone from one violent relationship to another. I have message after message saying i'm nothing to her children on grandchildren. I have a very good relationship with my stepson, who is now in his twenties and we are like mother/son.

Her constant bitching and mocking of me put a strain on the relationship with my step daughter, who went off the rails for a bit to so I bore the brunt of that. (we did have a good relationship to start off with) Her mother abandoned her and she moved in with us for 3 years, which was horrific having a 13yr old ball of anger, and she only had me when she wanted her mum. But all she saw from a young age was the mother hating me, so she followed suit.

Our mutual grandchildren have gone into care and I am being assessed to be their carer. She did not qualify. But I am now in the situation where she is only acknowledging that my partner is going to have the grandkids, because i'm nothing to do with her grandchildren and now it's really starting to p*ss me off.

Am I wrong to expect a little acknowledgement or a bit of respect? Not sure what I expect to get from this post, maybe it's just that I needed a rant but seriously.

OP posts:
EG94 · 02/08/2024 11:34

Block her. She is a Cretin and brings nothing good x

pikkumyy77 · 02/08/2024 11:40

You aren’t wrong to want some acknowledgment but you aren’t going to get it.

She is a poisonous, failure of a human being and everything she touched turned to shit including her own daughter and her daughters relationship with the grandchildren. That is basically the case. You can’t expect this human wen to recognize your grace to her, or ever thank you. She would implode if a tiny bit of self consciousness slipped through a crack in her armour.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 02/08/2024 11:43

You may feel better if you can see it just a little from her perspective, even if it's the last thing you want, which I'm sure it is. She can't respect anyone because she can't respect herself. She has lost everything through her own actions and she hates herself. She's jealous of you. If you try to remember that, you can carry on without worrying about her or even hating her. She has a sad life.

LadyWhistled0wn · 02/08/2024 11:45

Block her, the kids are grown up. You and your partner don't need anything more to do with her just go through your adult step children.

Illpickthatup · 02/08/2024 20:19

You're not going to get it so don't waste your energy. Plus why do you care about being "approved" by someone who can't even qualify to care for their own grandkids? Her opinion of you doesn't matter. Don't take criticism from people you wouldn't go to for advice. Block her, cut her off and get on with your life without her toxicity dragging you down.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 02/08/2024 20:23

What an awful situation

Fair play to you for taking the DGC on.

If she isn't fit to have them surely you can block her from all your lives?

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 03/08/2024 01:16

We're like mother and son... mutual grandchildren. Ok.👌🏽

Gingerkittykat · 03/08/2024 01:28

I agree that you will never get any respect or acknowledgement for anything you have done for your stepkids, even if you end up caring for your step grandkids full time.

I also agree that you need to block her, if she needs to direct her poison in your direction you don't need to listen or read it.

Congratulations on being a brilliant stepmother and hope things go ok with the grandkids.

Jumblebum · 03/08/2024 01:37

When you pass a house and there is a dog in the garden and it barks at you. Do you go home and wonder why that dog barked at you? Do you think that dog my must have had a reason to bark at you? Do you write mumsnet posts about the dog barking at you?

She is the dog barking. Do you respect her? Value her opinions? Do you think she might have a point about you and the value you bring to your family? It doesn't sound like it. With criticism and opinions from other people you decide - do I respect and value their opinions? If the answer is yes, then maybe they have a point and then you think, "how can I do better to improve myself and my life.". If the answer is no, then they are like the dog barking. Completely undeserving of your attention.

Goldcushions2 · 03/08/2024 10:44

You sound like a very kind woman who has taken on so much hassle for a man.
NO MAN is ever worth it.

Block her on everything.
Ban her from your house.
Tell your partner he backs you completely or you split.
I think taking on grandchildren is another huge sacrifice.
Do you care for yourself at all?

If you insist on this self sacrifice, do not entertain her in your life at all.

Could you get some therapy to help figure out why you accept so little?
You deserve so much better.

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