Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Don't like SS's gf

11 replies

Hellohello48 · 28/07/2024 01:31

I don't like my ss girlfriend. They've been together 3 years and he still thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread (which is nice for him, don't get me wrong, but I wish he'd picked someone nicer).
I find her snobby and self-centred. She only talks about herself. He seems very impressed by what she does and I do think she is impressed by what she thinks he has, if you're with me. (His SF is well off, we have holiday home etc). We see little of her but when we do she doesn't smile, her mouth moves but her eyes don't. It's fake. She barely looks at my daughter (ss sister) but will recently sat talking about SS other sister and cousins to us. I made a point of asking who a name she mentioned was and she was very condescending to me. At the same meeting, DH ran it past me that he planned to meet friends later and used the words 'is that OK?' (Out of courtesy, not asking permission) and she felt the need to say 'why are you asking her? You don't need permission'
The gf was kept a secret from us as they got together during the 2nd lockdown whilst I was pregnant. He didn't want us to know as we had asked him to be careful and keep himself well. When baby came along we were finally introduced and he would bring her round late at night when we were trying to go to bed - knowing we would be up in the night.
My daughter doesn't like her but isn't old enough to articulate why.
My daughter only sees her brother infrequently due to the age gap (he's at uni) and he makes a song and dance if she doesn't come too. I want my daughter to get to know her brother but this girl is constantly there wanting his full attention.
I was hopeful it would fizzle out - first gf, different universities - but its been 3 years. I'm worried she's a permanent fixture. DH has no opinion on her whatsoever

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2024 01:46

I fail to see the real problem here. You don't have to like her, it really doesn't matter. She's not going to live with you and you don't have to see her that often. When she comes to your home for a visit, go out or occupy yourself doing something else. You don't have to spend time with her. Stop wasting emotional energy on something you can't change and that really has nothing to do with you.

MonsteraMama · 28/07/2024 01:50

She's not your girlfriend so get over it.

Buyingahouse2024 · 28/07/2024 08:24

I couldn't stand my DSD's boyfriend and I hadn't even met him, in short DSD told me in confidence that he deals drugs and has been kicked out of two schools. She begged me not to tell my partner but her safeguarding came first and I told him but he said nothing to her as he wanted me to be ears on the ground to keep an eye on what's going on. She's only 15. I told her my thoughts in the nicest way I could but only due to the safeguarding concerns. She defended him massively (I told her if he deals drugs when she's about she's getting arrested too if police see him up to it) she gave me the whole he would never do it when I'm around talk. Obviously I'm not naive and know for drug dealers money comes over everything. In the end she got rid of him said he was a bad influence and told me he is currently in juvenile prison for armed robbery...bottom line is we had no other option but to let her make her own decisions and hope she would come to the right one which she thankfully did. If you start telling teenagers who they can and can't be with, they will rebel.

HouseFullOfChaos · 28/07/2024 08:55

Just leave him to it. He's an adult and it really has nothing to do with you. Can you imagine how many relationships wouldn't have happened if the man had listened to his mother, let alone step mother. Half the posts on here are about not getting on with MIL but the DIL just deals with it. You sound like that MIL or step MIL I should say.

Hellohello48 · 28/07/2024 11:16

Buyingahouse2024 · 28/07/2024 08:24

I couldn't stand my DSD's boyfriend and I hadn't even met him, in short DSD told me in confidence that he deals drugs and has been kicked out of two schools. She begged me not to tell my partner but her safeguarding came first and I told him but he said nothing to her as he wanted me to be ears on the ground to keep an eye on what's going on. She's only 15. I told her my thoughts in the nicest way I could but only due to the safeguarding concerns. She defended him massively (I told her if he deals drugs when she's about she's getting arrested too if police see him up to it) she gave me the whole he would never do it when I'm around talk. Obviously I'm not naive and know for drug dealers money comes over everything. In the end she got rid of him said he was a bad influence and told me he is currently in juvenile prison for armed robbery...bottom line is we had no other option but to let her make her own decisions and hope she would come to the right one which she thankfully did. If you start telling teenagers who they can and can't be with, they will rebel.

I'm not going to be saying anything, this was just a way of airing thoughts really. I hadn't ever bargained on not liking his partners so it's come as a surprise that I'm really not fond! And not just for me, for my daughter who doesn't like her either.

OP posts:
Hellohello48 · 28/07/2024 11:19

HouseFullOfChaos · 28/07/2024 08:55

Just leave him to it. He's an adult and it really has nothing to do with you. Can you imagine how many relationships wouldn't have happened if the man had listened to his mother, let alone step mother. Half the posts on here are about not getting on with MIL but the DIL just deals with it. You sound like that MIL or step MIL I should say.

This was just a way of airing thoughts. I hadn't bargained on not liking any of his girlfriends so it's come as a surprise that I'm not fond. Im quite clearly not going to be saying anything as I'm well aware it's nothing to do with me so I'm not that person

OP posts:
Wishitsnows · 28/07/2024 11:20

Maybe he doesn’t like his dad’s girlfriend either but accepts there is nothing he can do!

Hellohello48 · 28/07/2024 11:21

MonsteraMama · 28/07/2024 01:50

She's not your girlfriend so get over it.

You must have got along with everyone you've ever met then?
This was a way of airing thoughts. Do you have children? Do they have partners?

OP posts:
Hellohello48 · 28/07/2024 11:25

Aquamarine1029 · 28/07/2024 01:46

I fail to see the real problem here. You don't have to like her, it really doesn't matter. She's not going to live with you and you don't have to see her that often. When she comes to your home for a visit, go out or occupy yourself doing something else. You don't have to spend time with her. Stop wasting emotional energy on something you can't change and that really has nothing to do with you.

My daughter is upset when she visits sadly so I feel it does impact us. I'm aware I don't have to like her. I'm surprised that I don't and hadn't ever bargained on not doing. This was a way of airing thoughts really. Do you have adult children with partners? Do you all get along, if so?

OP posts:
Hellohello48 · 28/07/2024 11:28

Wishitsnows · 28/07/2024 11:20

Maybe he doesn’t like his dad’s girlfriend either but accepts there is nothing he can do!

Maybe!!

OP posts:
thestepmumspacepodcast · 29/07/2024 07:44

Have you tried to get to know her OP? If she's at your place a lot it could be worth trying to connect on some level?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread