My OH has no boundaries

[Usernameabcdwxyz]

My OH has his children for 3 weeks now because of summer holidays we have been together almost 3 years now but decided to take it slow with the children.
so from May I have spent time with them. Tonight we were at a party together but DD8 said I could only sleep in her bed because she was sleeping with Dad. He said nothing against this so I went home feeling angry.as their mum has had 4 boyfriends in this time and is now pregnant with the latest after 4 months together. They sleep in their own room when they are with their mum, but don’t when they are with dad. Part of me understands but OH won’t tell them to sleep in their beds so I end up sleeping alone.

My kids prefer to co sleep with me, the oldest DS now 14, stopped at 10. My twins still co sleep. I was dating someone for about 5 years who took issue with this, guess what, he's gone and my two youngest still wander through to mine in the middle of the night.

Well it would seem so since he's a grown man letting a child dictate the rules in his home.

@Illpickthatup as opposed to allowing an overbearing girlfriend to tell him what to do?

This!

Yep.

I always find it very odd on MN that even very young stepchildren are accredited with adult emotions/motives and negative personality traits that normally we wouldn't associate with children. So this little girl is deemed to nasty, sly, competitive and calculating.

Of course OP, no one is expecting you to like it or even stick around if this really isn't your bag or you don't want to play second fiddle but your DP is likely at a loss of how to handle this himself. It might be a good idea to let him see his DCs alone for now.

And please don't tell him to handle his own kids unless you've got a number of older DCs yourself or a degree in child psychology.

Yeah god forbid an grown woman wants to sleep in her own bed. 🙄

1. You have an OH problem. The 8-year-old should not be allowed to run the household.
2. You have a DD problem. She's a grown adult and should get no say in your life. Stop giving her so much information, and stop letting her run the household.
3. You have a you problem. Grow a spine or accept being dictated to by people who should have no say.

It's not her bed though, it's his.

It’s ok. He spoke to me briefly today and it’s over.

Sorry to hear that OP. It sounds like it’s for the best, you don’t need that kind of life. I hope you’re okay 💐

I’ll get through it again. We had a break last year and when we got back together it was wonderful and unexpected. Plus in May when he decided it was time to meet his DD it was great. Maybe she was cheeky because she feels comfortable with me. I don’t know and I never will.

She was testing your boundaries to see what she could get away with, particularly as her dad doesn’t have any.

He may well come back and say he wants to try again, but be cautious, he could have said this is for the best now because he wants to put you in your place and make you desperate for whatever little he will offer in future. If he does come back make your boundaries clear.

Youve done nothing wrong. As a partner you have every right to feel like a priority and not be pushed aside for his daughter all of the time. I know she’s hugely important but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be too.

This would have been my first holiday with him as he uses all his leave for his DD. You honestly resent a father for doing this? You sound so jealous of his little girl! It’s not right! It honestly sounds like separating is the best thing for his daughter who tbh should be the priority here.

As a parent yourself surely you remember the struggle of juggling annual leave with caring for your child during holidays etc. And how quickly the years fly and they no longer want to spend holidays with you.

I never said I resented this.

I was a single parent for a long time and exDH disappeared, so I know what that is like. He is also self employed so taking leave means no income. Not the same as me in a salaried job so in the past I have helped him out financially in these weeks. It probably didn’t help on Saturday evening that my own DD had put me in a really bad mood. So a lot is my fault and I think I was scared they would turn into my DD who I am really ashamed about.

And my DD was mad that I was going to have holidays with him and his DD even though she’s not available in this time.

He’s been back in touch.

Probs horny. Block the spineless shit

Of course he has, he knows he’s in the wrong but wanted to make you suffer for a while. This way he thinks he gets to come back and you’ll drop your “issues” because you don’t want to risk a fall out again. Don’t let that happen, be clear that if he wants to try again then he has to respect how you feel

He actually wasn’t. I was and sent him a message that I was. And he said he didn’t think about that.

We talked a bit and now I am invited on holiday. DD wants me there with my dog.

@Usernameabcdwxyz yes because people always tell the truth 🙄. Nicely, you messaged him after he ended it and now you come and say he got back in touch. He didn’t you did.

go on holiday take the dog accept he doesn’t respect you and don’t whinge about it.

Sorry to be short but on another thread where a woman is in bits because she’s been abused for the past 6 years and your here keeping yourself in a situation that makes you miserable. waste of everyone’s time giving you advice from experience

all the best!

I had 20 years of being well and truly abused before him. He is a breath of fresh air in comparison and I’m glad we managed to talk a bit. I’m not sure if it is all together but let me see

One week later and everything is good. I am shown more respect. We’ve had good evening together. I had to push OH a bit to have fun but it’s working. So tomorrow our first holiday together and I don’t care what bed I sleep in.