How do you walk away?

[howlongshalliloveyou]

Grown up Step Children. I think I'm done with it all. I am sick and tired of constantly being wrong. I'm just the woman their dad married, and no matter how hard i try, i simply cannot do anything right.

I am fed up of trying.. at what point do you stop? at what point do you throw in the towel and just walk away from it all?

I just have after 12 years, SC is 16, it’s always been a struggle but the last 3 years have been very difficult. Not the child’s fault but dad has committed to having them each weekend and routinely left them with me in my role as free babysitter while he’s pursued his hobbies creating festering resentment. Despite my efforts the child still wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire and any poor behaviour is never addressed due to dad’s Disney parenting. I wish I’d left long ago, it would have been better for everyone.

God, he's sounds awful. No idea how you stuck if for so long but well done for getting out.

If they are grown ups then you can walk away from them without walking away from your relationship.

how old are these kids and what are they doing?

they are in their 30's... 4 of them, just all very needy all the time and run to daddy as soon as something goes wrong

We moved countries (not because of the stepchild). I was able to disengage and go low contact very easily. Unfortunately my disney dad of a husband continued to excuse every single piece of unpleasant behaviour. He saw nothing wrong with her telling him that she didn't want to know about her half-siblings and various other charmless statements.

I eventually realised that she was now older than I was when I came into her life and she was allowed to behave badly but I was still being held to a ridiculously high standard. I told my DH he was welcome to go and see her, he was welcome to see her if she was in our city for work but I was done with arguing with him over shit. It's been very peaceful since then.

Tbh I don't see anything wrong with saying you don't want to know your half siblings either. I chose not to mix with mine.

I gave up after six years. When the 'Daddy, my car insurance needs paying, Daddy I need a new car, Daddy I want to go skiing, Daddy I want...'..got too much.

Why any one would make excuses for a daughter who started uni, changed course after a year, did another three years, then bummed around for 6 years, then went back and did a PGCE, then finally got a job at 29.5 is beyond me.

She married someone a year later, now has two under 5, and doesn't work any more. I feel so sorry for her husband. And now she's whining that others have better house and better pension than her (gosh, I wonder why!!) and is looking for Daddy to make up the difference.

I left with ds partly because I couldn't bear the idea of our son being raised as such a lazy, selfish, pointless waste of space.

Just detach yourself from them. If it’s a birthday or special occasion you don’t need to be worrying about messaging or present organising.

if your partner goes to see them, let him go alone.

if they message asking for stuff from him just tell him not to tell you.

you can stay in the relationship and not have anything to do with his grown kids.

if they happen to come to your house you act polite and then they’re gone soon.

I think it’s so hard. I’ve known DH since his DC was 8 (ex and DH split when SC was 2 so he doesn’t ever remember parents living together). SC now in 30’s. It’s more SC partner that causes problems we think. Snide comments and just general unpleasantness. I will be pleasant and keep my counsel for the sake of my DH only but I dread having to see them

Surely if DH is a Disney dad then he is the issue not the SC

I said no more having her in the house if he wasn't in, no more cooking, running around after her.
She is also not now welcome in my home at this time. She hasn't spoken to my husband because of something she did last September and has caused untold upset for him. I've walked away from her and the constant lies, stealing and drama but not my husband. Up to him if she's back in contact but as it stands I won't be joining him and playing happy families anytime soon

It’s lovely that they have such a close relationship with their dad and he’s there to support them. I assume this is what you’d want for your children?

Same here. I've taken a battering on here several times because adult SD isn't welcome in our home until she apologises for cyber bullying me several years ago. The MN first wife and step child contingent don't like a step mum who stands up for herself.

I actively encourage DH to have a relationship with her even though it's all on her Disney princess terms and over the years I've witnessed her manipulating and bullying him time and time again.

Grey rock everything if they're adults. It's their choice how they conduct themselves and their relationships. But you can draw a line when it becomes disrespectful to you in your home.

Before the pitchforks come out, yes I did know he had kids. I did not know they'd try to bully me out of my own home and relationship 8 years in for having an opinion on how much of a doormat I wasn't willing to be.

to a point yes.. but my children do not exclude my DH, they treat him with the same respect they treat their own dad and their DSM. To my DC their SD is a person and as such treat them as such, so birthday cards, gifts, little treats, invites to special occasions..

alas this is very lacking from my dear SC. I've accpeted its never going to happen, so i have decided to step away from it all. DH can now sort out christmas's and birthday presents, he can sort out social engagements..

@WillLiveLifeOP it will never get better. Do what is best for you.

I do think its time now to totally disengage from them all, its exhausting trying so hard to please them and try make them like me.

I have no issue with DH having a realtionship with his own DC, but at this point i don't see why i have to feature anywhere in that relationship.

I shall now read any mumsnet mystery outing hobbies as "creating festering resentment" because it can't always be cycling!

I have nothing to do with SC both in 30s both rude and unpleasant. I have had a lot to put up with and now flatly refuse to have anything to do with them. One was extremely rude again recently while in our home and DH tried to blame me when she left for her behaviour it was witnessed by another family member who was shocked at her behaviour. On many occasions I have questioned whether I want to carry on with the relationship but when his horrible children are nit around we are so happy together