Mobile phone question & boundaries

[Bridgetxoxo]

Question for fellow step-parent's here...

Can I ask what age your step-kids had a mobile phone, and when they are with you, what boundaries (if any) are in place with them? I.e. time restrictions/calls with other parent/photos & videos etc.

Thank you!

If there is a good co parenting relationship, the children should have access to each parent. I don't think there should be restrictions on phone calls or sharing of generic photos. However, if you take issue to sharing of personal photos such as other children etc then that's not unreasonable. Phones should be kept away from the dinner table during family time but I dont think there should be a restriction placed on a step child contacting their other parent. If the other parent is bombarding them with texts and calls that's another matter.

Both mine had phones. One wouldn’t touch it the whole time, the other on it more videos / calling mum (never called their dad tho) didn’t take any pics of concern. Only boundary we had was put your headphones on because I don’t wanna hear that shit.

They are only allowed to video call from their rooms, their mum refuses to come to the house so she sure as hell isn’t getting the opportunity to nose around! I had to enforce this as soon as we moved in because I couldn’t go anywhere without someone filming or being on FaceTime!

as for usage , my kids have set phone limited. Step kids don’t. Nothing to do with me.

My DS had a phone from 9 years old because for a while I had to be NC with his dad and so it was used for calling his dad every night.

DS is now 10 and still has the phone and I am increasingly worried about its usage. DSS is similar age and does not have a phone and I suspect will not get one till secondary school

My DH bought both children (my DSC) mobile phones before they went to secondary school (around 11 YO).

One of the main reasons for this is that his EW wouldn’t allow him to ring or speak to the children and when she did it had to be on loud speaker so she could listen in.

My advice would be set your rules / boundaries early on and stick to them.

We had a rule no phones at meal times & phones were left down stairs over night on charge.

No roaming the house on video calls (we learnt this the hard way as I didn’t want the EW viewing our home).

Kids could call their mum whenever they wanted but they were asked to do this in private (as we didn’t want to be sat next to them with their mums voice blurring out).

We did have a massive issue with the older SC when she was 15. At mums request she was caught taking photos of personal letters, bank statements & breaking into her dad’s phone & taking photos of his private messages and sending the photos onto her mum. This was at mums request.

So make sure you set the rules you want and stick to them.

Also be careful what apps you give the kids access to. My DSC mum gave them access to everything they wanted (Snapchat, instagram etc) from the age of 11. There’s a reason most of these sites have an age restriction - because they aren’t suitable for young impressionable children.

I think it depends a lot on the relationship with the co-parents and the children.
Ours has mobile phones (Mum provided) and zero restrictions. Other than sensible use around bedtime etc.
But if there are fractious relationships it can be a tool for intrusive behaviour or worse. A friend's SS had very limited contact with his Mother for various reasons. She gave him a phone which became a conduit for manipulation and unkindness from her towards her child.

My DSC got her first smartphone at 16. But she had a dumbphone (an old Nokia) from the age of 5 or 6.

DSD had one from age 10, prior to that she used her iPad for FaceTime, etc.

There were no boundaries. Apparently mum monitored her usage but what that seemed to amount to was she would check messages exchanged between DSD and her dad or me, but she could do whatever she wanted on social media. Honestly at times I have cringed at what I see her post, I don’t think it’s appropriate; DSD isn’t doing anything wrong, she thinks it’s okay because she sees others doing it and no one is telling her otherwise.

There were issues with her mum FaceTiming her constantly while she was with us, yet DH was limited on mums time. DSD would wander around the house on FaceTime and mum would also tell her how much she missed her at bedtime, making DSD upset and wanting to go home. I put my foot down with DH and said she had to have a cut off time for final call of the night (at least an hour before bedtime so she was less tired and emotional), and FaceTime was limited to her room only. I was sick of the drama and of having no privacy in my own home.

She even FaceTimed DSD and asked her to show her around our wedding!

Ironically, when her mum got a new DP she contacted DSD a lot less and the constant “miss you” at bedtime stopped (presumably because she didn’t want DSD going back home). She would be telling her mum she missed her and wanted to go home and her mum would tell her to stop being soft/silly.
Poor DSD didn’t understand as she wasn’t like this when with her previous partner.

If they wanted to call their mum we asked that the call take place in their room and also if they could not take photos of the rest of the house to show their mum. Also not putting their sibling on social media. I stay out of their own social media use but there's no way I want my child on snapchat