AIBU

[Sky1248]

I’d like just for step parents comment in this please as until you’ve been in this role it’s hard to understand

ive ended my relationship of 6 and a half years because of my step son who is 8. He isn’t a massive problem other than a little rude at times but I was jealous, bitter, resentful of him and made it difficult for my husband to have him extra.

i would get jealous if he spent extra time with him and his ex made me feel like she had more power over my husband with how she would emotionally blackmail him and would text at any time or day of night about stupid stuff like ‘did it switch games turn up’ on a Friday night when it wasn’t our weekend to have him. I felt that kind of stuff could of waited to be spoken about on pick ups

i know I sound like a dragon and selfish but I’ve been battling all this time to try and over ride my feelings but every couple months it would flag up and I’d have all these feelings come rushing back again.

e have a 3 year old and 1 year old and I just constantly felt like his son was more of a priority. He got the best of him and we couldn’t do anything like celebrate my sons first birthday on holiday because his son didn’t want to go and we had to change it to a weekend that worked for him.

im at a crossroads now where I have therapy for the way I’m feeling to help me understand and control how I’m feeling or I keep it ended and hopefully find something that will suit me better.

my husband had said he won’t budge on being flexible with holidays it will only be when his son can come even tho he has loads of holidays with his mum going abroad etc

i felt he forced me to go out of my way for his son when the things being done was what his mum was doing for him.

he also plays football and would go on a Friday night and come back late which would disrupt my kids routine and then I’d feel pissed off.

theres more to the story in terms of reasons why I feel we are always second best but I’m just worried what if the grass isn’t greener and I should just put up and shut up. I also worry I’m pushing myself down to be unhappy to make my husband happy and is life to short for that?

I do think you need support to untangle your behaviour towards a child, it isn't on. An 8 year old isn't the cause nor should suffer because you can't process your partner's parenting.

Yes am SM, to adults.

his ex made me feel like she had more power over my husband with how she would emotionally blackmail him and would text at any time or day of night about stupid stuff like ‘did it switch games turn up’ on a Friday night when it wasn’t our weekend to have him.

Your husband should have put a stop to this. Or did he not recognise the emotional blackmail? (Common problem).

i know I sound like a dragon and selfish but I’ve been battling all this time to try and over ride my feelings but every couple months it would flag up and I’d have all these feelings come rushing back again.

I hear you. The same cycle happens with me. Feels like you’re sharing your man with another woman, right?

i am suffering with really bad guilt as I think I put my husband through a lot of choosing over his son

Can you give some examples?

you are always wondering what disappointment is around the next corner you become hypervigilant to all and any signs that you're about to be let down again

This described me when the skids are over.

When you say, he would do whatever it took, can you give some examples?

I agree that some intensive therapy is needed. Your feelings are your feelings and they matter but they are far from healthy and need unpicking.

I’m a stepmum to my DSD9 and have been in her life a similar amount of time (met DH when she was 2) and I can’t imagine NOT organising our lives around when we have her! Why would I want a family holiday without a member of my family?! We have 50/50 but my DH will obviously text her Mum to check in on her days and vice versa, why wouldn’t they? If your kids were staying with another relative wouldn’t you text and check on them?

To be honest I judge your stepsons Dad for allowing this dynamic to continue as long as it has and I hope when he meets someone new that they don’t feel and act this way about your children.