Awful feeling inside

[Butterfly212]

The stepkids are due over in an hour and ive just realised how snappy and anxious i get before they come over and how snappy i get with my partner. A weekend of being ignored when they come in, short answer's my house becoming a mess and feeling in the way and spending alot of time in my room watching TV. I hate that i feel like this. Their mum has turned them against me its really sad 😢

What is your partner doing to resolve this situation? Is he ignoring the fact you are living upstairs, or that his kids are rude and disrespectful to someone he supposedly loves? Is he cleaning up after them? If not, why?.

awful sounds absolutely awful

do you have your own children who have to endure this environment too?

And what a pathetic partner you have

how old are they?

I'd leave everything to their father to do. There's nothing worse than doing your best but always being painted as the villain. Expect nothing from them but give nothing either.

It’s on your partner to find a way to integrate you into the family and it doesn’t sound like he’s doing a very good job. Understandably they crave their Dad’s attention after being apart from him.

Could you try to re-jig weekend plans so that they all go out to dinner on the first night to get that alone time and then you could all have fun together tomorrow?

You disengaging and staying in your room will read as you not wanting them around and going down that road will only make things more difficult in the long run.

If you don't have any children together or on your own I would simply book time with friends and go away for a night, days trips etc.

@Butterfly212 please please this is not a gloat but since we ended and all this drama and negativity is not in my life I feel soooo much better. My house is my own. It stays clean and tidy. I don’t have an overwhelming dread every other Friday. My life doesn’t go on hold every other week. I think if your partner was stepping up and in there would be hope but he isn’t. Your life will always be this way. You will always be treated as an imposing second class citizen and shelved until they go home. Would your inner peace and happiness not benefit from a change of set up? Perhaps if you still want to make things work with him, you guys live separately and you at least remove one significant area of drama and unpleasantness ?

Week end away next time. When he has to parent alone betcha he puts more effort into addressing things. You will return all fresh and he will be fucked..

Sounds like hell. Can you go and stay in a hotel and see a mate for the weekend?

I’d go away for the night, have a nice day out on my own tomorrow and leave him to it.

It's so hard, I felt exactly the same before contact no matter how hard I tried with them. I've left now and it's like a weight has been lifted. I still come back to the step parenting threads to remind me how bad it was whenever I have a wobble.

Our joint baby being treated like an afterthought and second class citizen, and him doing the bare minimum for her despite expecting me to go above and beyond for my SDs was the nail in the coffin. Thankfully he still wants minimal contact with our baby, so she's not subjected to his piss poor idea of parenting very often.

He's already drafted in a much younger woman, only weeks later. They're all her problem now, his enabling parents and gross misogynistic mates included. They'll not treat her any nicer.

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant 😂 all to say I completely sympathise, I hope your partner steps up more than mine did to sort it!

I agree with this.

Last Year I was in a similar situation and I felt invisible, ignored and got to the point I dreaded his kids arriving. It affected my mental health so so much.

I am so so much happier now we are over and I’m on my own. No dread every other week, don’t have his kids causing constant drama (and mess) and I don’t need to deal with his ex wife who would drop poison into their ears about me.

Life is too short to waste it on an unsupportive partner who doesn’t care and to be run into the ground by this set up.

OP, why are you allowing yourself and your home to be used like this?

This is YOUR home.
He needs to find a home for his children on his own.
Take back your home and continue to see him separately.
Don't be surprised if he isn't interested.
Funny how men lose interest when the home provided for them is withdrawn.
He allows his children trash your home while you hide away.
Why on earth would anyone tolerate that?
You deserve so much better.