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Original poster

Prioritising rooms

40 replies

AmberB247 · 05/06/2024 11:17

Hi mums, I’m after a bit of advise about the bedroom arrangements in my house with my kids/step daughter!

My partner and I currently live in a 3 bedroom house with our 1 year old son. I’m 3 months pregnant with our second baby and my partner also has a 13 year old daughter who visits every other weekend so usually only 2 or 3 nights per month (this is her choice, not ours and it’s becoming less frequent as she lives around 45 mins away and often wants to go out/stay round friends houses at the weekends).

I’m starting to feel a bit anxious about sleeping/bedroom arrangements once my second baby is born. The baby will be in our room for around 6 months but after this I’m not sure on the best solution. My first baby will be 2 by then and ideally I don’t want my 2 year old and 6m old sharing a room as I’m afraid they’ll wake each other up (more the 6m old waking my 2yr old up!). We have the space to give them a room each however this would mean that when my step daughter stays she will not have her own room.

My thinking is that I would put my 2 year old in with me and give her his bedroom for the weekend!

Do you think this is unreasonable? I don’t want to make her feel pushed out however I also want my two children who live here full time to have their own space and considering she doesn’t stay that often I feel reluctant to give her a whole room and and making my two share.

Has anyone been in this position before?

(the rooms aren’t big enough to split into two and we’re not in a position to move somewhere bigger)

TIA x

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Blahblah34 · 05/06/2024 11:20

My kids shared from 6m and 2y and still share now at 9 and 7... It's not a hardship, in fact it's not really natural for really young kids to sleep all alone. She's 13, she'll only be staying there for another few years, I'd try to make her feel as welcome as possible in that time.

Cheeesus · 05/06/2024 11:20

It is a year away at least, so you have some time to think.

My 2 yr old would have struggled with moving rooms and wanted to always be in with me after being there for a weekend.
Yours may be different.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/06/2024 11:22

What does DP think?

PuttingDownRoots · 05/06/2024 11:27

Keep baby with you until they ate sleeping through, then put them together.

shellyleppard · 05/06/2024 11:28

Air bed or similar in with one of the children??

GlassCaseOfEmotions · 05/06/2024 11:45

What does DP think?

I don't think it's unreasonable for her to have her own space when she is there, so having toddler or baby in with you for 1 or 2 nights over a weekend and she takes their room is fine if it works for you all. However, that would mean ensuring you have a full sized single bed in that room. It'll depend if you have the space for that.

You would also need to consider where her belongings will be kept (assuming she has things at your house, not an issue if she is just bringing what she needs when she stays).

DP would also be best having a sit down chat with her to explain why things are happening the way they are. She may understand why rooms are having to be changed around, but she may also decide not to visit at all.

sprigatito · 05/06/2024 11:49

Personally I would keep the baby in with us for as long as possible, then put the two little ones in together. My two shared by choice until they were 10 and 8 even though they had the option of their own rooms! They liked being read to together and chatting, and waking up and playing together in the morning.

I think it's vitally important for a teenager to have her own space and to feel welcome and included at her dad's house. She's 13 so it won't be forever.

InTheRainOnATrain · 05/06/2024 11:52

Baby in with you until they’re sleeping through and then sharing with a sibling that’s close in age is a very, very normal thing to do even if you have surplus bedrooms. Often they like sharing at those ages and it also makes bedtimes easier because it’s just the one bedtime to do rather than 2 in 2 separate rooms. Stepdaughter keeping her room would be an added bonus. Yours can get your own rooms if they want, they might not, when she turns 18, and which point they’ll be 5 and 7 (I think!) so they’re not going to be sharing for very long.

DearestGentleReader · 05/06/2024 13:12

We had this situation, almost the same ages, albeit my DSD is with us alot more than yours.
My DSD has her own room and my young kids share. At these ages and stages it's the only way really, although I totally get why you feel a bit annoyed qabout having essentially a spare room while your kids share.
The thing is though, by the time your kids are old enough to really be needing their own space, your DSD will be an adult. Right now she's a child at a very awkward age whose relationship with her Dad is looking ropey at best.
Don't make her feel pushed out/unwelcome/like a visitor instead of a family member. Right now, your babies won't care, but the chances are she will care alot.

sunflowrsngunpowdr · 05/06/2024 13:24

I don't understand why such young children are being given their own rooms. Kids like to share a room when they are young not be left by themselves. I'd say your younger two can share for at least another 5 years. By then the 13 yo probably wont want to stay.

EG94 · 05/06/2024 13:31

Baby stays with you for a while then gets their own room. Full time living children have the priority here. I’d suggest a sofa bed / air bed for your step daughter.

BettyBardMacDonald · 05/06/2024 13:37

My sister and I (two years apart) shared a room until early teens. It's pretty common.

Put yours together and let the older girl keep her own room, at least till age 17 or so.

Sirzy · 05/06/2024 13:39

I would keep the two little ones sharing for a few years at least. By the time baby is 5 your step daughter is a lot less likely to be sleeping at the house so you can reassess then.

TryingToBeLogical · 05/06/2024 14:04

If your SD keeps the room, perhaps a good way to think about its use is how you would treat the room of a child who’s away at university but comes home every few weekends. When my kid heads off for college I can’t imagine her room will truly sit empty. It will still be her room, but we may use her desk to work, or move around some things to accommodate us using it for some activities when she’s not there. Similarly perhaps the sharing little ones could have access to the SD’s room
as a playroom or other use when your SD is not there, in some well thought out manner that preserves the teen’s privacy and prevents her things being messed with. If I was a teen, and this setup was explained to me in terms of a college student’s, I might even be flattered by the comparison.

I had my own room at my fathers (NRP) while two of his (much younger) live-in girlfriend’s children shared. I wouldn’t have minded if others in the house used the room when I was away, as long as I had privacy and priority for the space on the Times when I was there. I would think, though, if another kid had slept in there and had been “kicked out” for me on my weekend visits, it might’ve caused bad feelings. I am imagining that room could’ve been configured as both a bedroom for me as well as a study for the other kids.

StormingNorman · 05/06/2024 21:04

You can’t take her room away as she will feel pushed out by the new baby. She needs to feel at home in her Dad’s house.

Marblessolveeverything · 06/06/2024 10:37

Like a lot of others putting the two youngest would be my preference and logical choice. SD or no SD. 🤷‍♀️

Thursdaygirl · 06/06/2024 11:45

Marblessolveeverything · 06/06/2024 10:37

Like a lot of others putting the two youngest would be my preference and logical choice. SD or no SD. 🤷‍♀️

But wouldnt this mean that DSS's room is empty for the majority of the time?

Marblessolveeverything · 06/06/2024 12:34

@Thursdaygirl I don't see that as a problem? Surely plenty of us have spare rooms? Though I appreciate the luxury.

Generally most parents put them together as they keep each other company. When travelling then the putting them in the same room keeps routine 🤷‍♀️.

We were with similar aged siblings up to puberty then those who wanted were lucky to have the opportunity to have an individual room, whilst two sisters shared up till they left home.

I would gladly have one room less to clean as often 😜

Original poster
AmberB247 · 06/06/2024 13:43

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and thoughts! It’s defo helped! After having thought about it I think the youngest 2 can thrive sharing! Growing up, me and my sister did not share but I hated sleeping alone so sharing probably would have been bedtimes a lot better! I will probably let the youngest two have the larger bed room and move my step daughter into the smaller room (currently babies nursery) and have it as a dressing room/study with a bed so that when she’s not here it also has another use!

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 06/06/2024 13:49

@AmberB247 that sounds like a plan and sure if it doesn't work ye can always review. Best of luck with the sleep for the little ones!

InTheRainOnATrain · 06/06/2024 13:53

AmberB247 · 06/06/2024 13:43

Thanks everyone for the suggestions and thoughts! It’s defo helped! After having thought about it I think the youngest 2 can thrive sharing! Growing up, me and my sister did not share but I hated sleeping alone so sharing probably would have been bedtimes a lot better! I will probably let the youngest two have the larger bed room and move my step daughter into the smaller room (currently babies nursery) and have it as a dressing room/study with a bed so that when she’s not here it also has another use!

Sounds like a good plan!

TryingToBeLogical · 06/06/2024 17:35

We don’t have a traditional guest room in my house. We have a large room which has a bed, but also has a small sofa, coffee table, TV with gaming console, bookshelves, and a very nice work desk. everyone loves it. It’s also a perfect set up for my teen to have her friends over for an afternoon or a sleepover.

If step daughters room is an attractive place to spend time for things other than sleeping, it may make it even more fun for her when she stays! And other people will enjoy it too, when she’s not there.

beckybarefoot · 06/06/2024 17:42

not step children, but my own children resented visiting their dad because when they did stay, not every week but every couple of weeks.. because their bedroom wasn't theirs.. they had to 'fit in' and 'make do' and it made them feel not wanted.

i dont know the sex of the new baby, but it doesnt matter, theres no reason why your baby and your 2 year old can't share a bed room, lets face it, baby will be with you for say 6 months, or until atleast sleeping through.. then no reason why they can't share.. my two had a 4 year gap and they shared...

Mychoicesaremine · 06/06/2024 17:45

My SC have blow up air beds in the front room when they stay as my dc have a room each so there’s not any other option they are fine about it (stay 2 weekends a month) my dc aren’t able to share

Thursdaygirl · 06/06/2024 20:47

not step children, but my own children resented visiting their dad because when they did stay, not every week but every couple of weeks.. because their bedroom wasn't theirs.. they had to 'fit in' and 'make do' and it made them feel not wanted.

@beckybarefoot not every family can afford sufficient bedrooms for one or more to be kept aside for use every couple of weeks. And million of kids in together families have to ‘make do’