How do I pull back my feelings on this one?

[Dippydoraa]

We have SD14 (actually, I'm just dads girlfriend). We have her EOWE and 2 days in between. She has just decided she won't be staying over during the in-between days, but will stay over as usual on the weekends.

However. She comes in from school, says hi, then goes to her room. It's been like this for a while but, there's never a 'how's your day, how are you, how's work', it's gotten to the point that, all I do now is say hi, if she can't be othered, neither can I. And, as we don't see her as much now as she has decided to stop coming over as much, I'd expect her to spend at least some time downstairs at least with her dad (I don't care about me) as she's decided to see him less than the small time she sees him anyway.

Anyone else's like this? It really, really bothers me, I wish I could just let it go. I just think it's rude.

At least she’s greeting you in some way. It’s better than nothing and she may be tired after school?

Nothing personal. She is a teenager. Stay out of it and let her father address it with her if he has a problem with it.

You think a teenager should be asking how your day at work was? That's odd!

My ds is like this, she's just being a normal teenager, you need to chill and look out for the times that she might like to chat and be open to it.

Lol cheers.

She comes in from school, says hi, then goes to her room. It's been like this for a while but, there's never a 'how's your day, how are you, how's work', it's gotten to the point that, all I do now is say hi, if she can't be othered, neither can I

You both sounds as bad as each other here. It sounds like you don't try and engage her in conversation and she doesn't engage you. This doesn't have to be a problem unless you make it.

I'd expect her to spend at least some time downstairs at least with her dad

Does this bother her dad? If so then he needs to think of ways to tackle it.

My teen DSCs don't have a TV in their room and we have series that we watch together when they are here. Could you try something like that?
I think it's normal that teens spend time in their rooms. I used to when I was a teen.

Very standard teenage behaviour tbh, and that's with parents they feel comfortable with...not just dad's girlfriend. She's 14, it's very normal.

Normal teenage behaviour. I wouldn’t take it personally.
My partners 15 year old is either super engaging and talks my ear off or grunts when she see me 😂😂

We are just coming out the other side of this and I’d say hold on and keep putting the effort in even if it’s not reciprocal as it will pay off but if you stop then it’s harder to get back to it. What do you and her dad do with her? At this age there needs to be something to make them want to spend time with you as to teenagers adults are often considered boring - so movie night, takeaway nights, make your own pizza evenings, board games but fun ones, go out places that she’ll enjoy.
Also though teenagers brains make them very self centred; it won’t occur to her that you have a life outside of her so thinking she could ask about your work etc is not going to lead anywhere useful

“How was work?” 🤣

sorry, but in my experience, teenagers are pretty selfish. Also, saying hi then going up to her room is normal 14 year old behaviour. Does she at least surface when she’s hungry?!

Sounds like normal teenagers to be honest. My own DC are like this, it's not a SC specific issue!

It's relatively normal for teenagers to retreat to their rooms. Don't take it personally. They come back to you eventually.

Why would she ask you how your days been 😂😂

Teenagers lives resolve around themselves - they have way to much personal angst to worry about the minutiae of their dads girlfriend day 🤣🤣

Don’t expect her to behave like an adult because she certainly isn’t. They may look like young women but in fact are still very young kids.

It’s in your best interest to take a step back on this because if you keep pushing your going to get yourself into a position where it turns in to a battle between you and her and that’s unnecessary - because most likely your partner will pick her ( if he is a good dad because she’s not actually doing anything wrong.

You are not the star of the show in her world - she is.

You expect a 14 year old to ask how your day was? Yeah good luck with that one! You'll be lucky to get more than a one word answer if you ask about their day!

It's up to her dad really to find something to engage her with, DH and 13 yo DD watch films together (he is "educating" her on the classics lol), and go running sometimes.

She's likely to be tired after a day in school. Teenagers sometimes need a lot of encouragement to leave their rooms.