Sly Comments About Me In Front of Step Kids

[BooksAndFootie]

I think I just need a bit of a vent.

Context:
Been with my partner coming up to 4 years. He has 2 DS (12 & 15). I have 2 DD (15 & 16). My DSSs stay with us 3 nights per week (according to their mother's shift patterns - we're happy to accommodate), and DP tops up childcare with maintenance payments to their mother and contributes to other expenses. He's a great dad.

DP has a complicated extended family as very few of them speak to each other - stemming from older generations - it's not DP at the centre of any family issues. It was his grandfather's funeral the other day, who he was not massively close to but he wanted us to go to pay our respects regardless of which other family members chose to go or not.

DSSs went to the funeral with their mother - this was not an issue. DP and I chatted with his DSs and their mother was close by.

However! A cousin of DP who I've never met pointedly remarked to DSS's mother (they are apparently friends) "I can't believe he's brought her!" referring to DP and me. This was said in front of DSSs and I was glared at by this cousin! DP didn't hear - I had to tell him afterwards. He was fuming that this remark was made in front of his DSs. His DS(12) is very sensitive and was awkward all afternoon - when I told DP what I'd heard he then put 2 and 2 together that it was because this silly, ignorant, rude woman had made a nasty comment about me, therefore normalising a negative attitude about me and I'm guessing, confusing the poor boy about how he should feel about me. It's taken years for him to warm to me - he's super close to his mother and hates doing or saying anything that might upset her (eg liking me).

I haven't addressed this further, but I'm worried about DSS as he was meant be with us last night and tonight but he's saying he doesn't feel well and wants to stay at his mother's house with his GM. I'm sure it's down to this negative comment.

I don't really want this to go further - I just need to vent about it. Step parenting is tricky and I guess no matter how much positivity and effort you put into creating a stable and loving home, some people will always have you down as 'the evil stepmother'. It's extra hard hearing the shitty comments from someone I've never met! And realising that those people must refer to me so nastily in their conversations... in front of DSSs...? UGH!!!!!!!!!

Were you the reason for the break up? That's the ONLY thing that I can think of that would provoke such a comment and even then I think its disgusting. Think what you want in your head but it's going to mess with the child's mind.

No I came on the scene nearly a year after they had already broken up - so I've never been the direct focus of any negativity. I've learned this cousin who made these comments is known to be bitchy. Bitchy is one thing, it's the stupidity of speaking like that in front of the kids that is eating away at me. All parties are used to maintaining positive vibes all round for the very point of protecting the children.

This women’s toxic comments say more about her & her sad little life than you.

People who make bitchy comments do so as they feel insecure or inferior - so they resort to condescending behaviour.

Don’t raise to it. Hold your head up high & ignore. Model good behaviour in front of your DSS. Remember you can’t control her but you can control how you react (and I would suggest with dignity).

I’ve been a SM over 10 years. My SC’s mother is extremely bitter & toxic. I’ve never met the women but she refers to me as ‘her’ and slags me off to the SC. I never ever respond or say anything bad about her. If she wants to be toxic & pathetic that’s her choice. Personally I would never ever stoop to her low level of behaviour.