Inviting DSS friend round.

[Downandout21]

How do I go about this?

DSS stays with us every other weekend, we live half an hour away from mums.

When we do pick up this is from after school club so do not see any of the other parents. Mum also picks up from ASC so she also does not know any of the other parents.

DSS is now 10 and although he plays with his little sister, I feel he is at the age he would prefer to be around children his own age, but as we don't have contact with any other parents how do we go about arranging this?

Surely at 10 he’s old enough to help arrange something? At the very least he can pass a note to his friend with your number on it and an explain

Who does DS play with? Does he not talk to his friends about wanting to meet up/go to the park/go to other peoples houses?

Often kids are badgering their parents about wanting X to come round and play at the weekend/holiday so the parent finds a way to contact the parent via WhatsApp/note in the bag/using an opportunity to drop off/pick up at school one day/asking the teacher to pass on a note etc

Never asks or mentions it. I don't think he really has close friends at school, whi h is another reason dad and I want to arrange something.

As far as I'm aware he has never had anyone back to mums either.

I wouldn't say he's a shy kid, but he's never been one to ask for anything such as having friends round / sleepovers / days out

Has he never had any play dates? Birthday parties?

The best option may be to organise a party for him and use it as an opportunity to get to know some of the other parents and see who he spends time with. You can then get their numbers etc.

It is quite unusual to be doing this at age 10 - often parents are arranging play dates and parties etc and doing this at age 5-7 and by age 10 the children are meeting in local parks and contacting each other.

Have you asked him if he wants a friend round? That's where I would start. In my experience, kids often don't ask for things they think they can't have. If he realises it's an option, he may be happy to ask the friend and give him your number to give his mum...

Only ever attended one school party and never had a play date.

Just asked him and he said he's never taken anyone back to mums or gone to anyone else's house. He got very excited when I asked him😊

I think you need to ask him who he wants over, let him mention it to the child and then you will have to pick him up from school on a day the parent is there and ask face to face.

Although I do think it’s extremely odd he’s only been to one birthday party and never had a friend over at the age of 10.

You also do need to be prepared that the parent may say no as she doesn’t know you. In primary I only let me daughter go where I knew the parents.

This is very unusual. The other boys in the class will have been doing play dates. & parties for YEARS. The parents will have established friendship groups too. There are kids in our classes that go on holiday together.

Why has none of this been addressed before? I feel there must be a back story.

Is he year 5 or year 6? My Y6 has a phone now & can message his friends directly. He's been able to talk to them via Switch games for a couple of years.

I’m not sure a 10yo would welcome his parents setting up a play date.

Just tell him he can have any friends he likes round and leave it to him?

But if there’s other issues at play tell us and we might have a solution.

As I said previously I don't have any older children so not sure what is normal and what's not.

Mum works and he comes to us the weekend so never attended parties. I have mentioned to him that if a party falls on our Weekend we would take him but never seen an invite or heard him mention anything.

I asked if he has friends round to mums and he said he has asked but mum said no because of the dog.

Mum works so only collects from after school club so don't think she knows any of the parents either.

He's in year 5 and no phone yet, will get a phone next month for his birthday.

Oh I’m glad you are going to support him with meeting friends op.

Non of that is really a good excuse for not doing any of this earlier.

Is there a reason you have both never facilitated a play date until now?

Not sure why the person before me is attacking you right now 😂 (I always report stuff like this, there’s no need for it)

Sounds like you’re already on the right track OP, that’s so cute he’s already excited at the prospect of having a friend over. My SS7 never had anyone over until we recently moved much closer to his mums/school. We already knew he had a couple of friends he liked so we just said “let’s invite XXX over for Sunday lunch” and then my partner asked the parents he saw at school. Harder if you don’t have direct contact with parents but like others have said you could ask SS to pass a note to a friend with your name and phone number on, then hopefully the other parent will get in touch with your. It’s lovely you’re trying to facilitate this. Good luck!

Hi love - are you a step parent?

Step parent & parent 👍🏻

And it was a question, not an attack. Stop being dramatic.

It's really nice you are doing this OP - it does sound like he has lost out a bit because of moving between houses. And his mum putting the dog first!

I think the best place to start is with him - who would he like round?

Are you or dad or mum in the classwhatsapp? thats a good way to get numbers.

I do think its a little concerning if at 10 he hasn't asked about this - that wld make me question if he is settled or happy at school and perhaps I would want to check in with a teacher.

I send a note into school with my kid which is intended for her friend's parents which gives my mobile number and says DD would like her kid to come for a playdate and I am happy to do pick up and drop off and could they send me a text. That mostly works ok. Now DD is 13 she texts my number to her friends to give to parents so I can contact them to confirm arrangements. We have to have parents involved as I am rural so I need to collect by car.