2YO DD hot & cold with new BF

[mamaAJJ]

Hi all. Sorry if not right group to post on, but would like some advice from those who have walked the path. My beautiful daughter is 2.5, and is very opinionated and sassqueen. She says it as it is. She has met my new boyfriend, and seemed to like him a lot. She asks if he’s coming over every night, says she wants to show him things and wants to do things with him. But she’s still very hot and cold when he’s there, sometimes runs off and cries, is really attached to me. Does it get better? Should I listen to her behaviours instead or her saying she likes him? She told me today she doesn’t want him to come on holiday with us. Any advice?

Slow things down, would be my advice. If your partner is a keeper he will understand.

Surely your 'new boyfriend' isn't coming on holiday with you and dd anyway?

How long have you been together? Is her father around too?

She's 2! You're expecting too much and by the sound of things pushing/rushing the situation

My just 3 year old is “hot and cold” with people. And she has only got relationships with people she’s known since birth. Toddlers are learning the social ropes.
id probably try and keep boyfriend and child a bit more separate if you can until things are more established then take it slow with your daughter

She's 2, she will be hot and cold with everyone.

Keep her well away from your relationship for a lot longer.

Dear lord, why has she even met him so much already??

What awful words to use to describe a 2 year old.

What is a sassqueen? Is it like a Sasquatch m? That's rather unfortunate for your daughter.

Your child is only two and a half and you are introducing her to a boyfriend?

That's horrible. Concentrate on being a mother and wait until she's a lot older before having a boyfriend.

How new is the new bf? Why is he coming on holiday with you and your dd when he's still 'new'?

Agree with the others. Slow down, keep your dating life and your relationship with your dd separate for a good while yet.

ONG slow down!!!!
Your DD comes first, always!!
See him when she's around maybe once or twice a month and wait til she's at your ex or family's house to see your BF on your own
She's a child not an adult

Sassqueen

That is really not an appropriate way to describe a toddler. She's practically a baby still!

Just calm it down with the new boyfriend, maintain some better boundaries, and read up on normal child development and attachment.

How long have you been together?

Also, I'd reframe your internal talk about your DD. Girls get 'bossy' and 'feisty' but no one ever talks about boys like that. 'Sassqueen' is worse. What about 'knows her own mind' 'assertive' or 'speaks up'?

Can you go on holiday with just her? Mummy/daughter time is really important.

Oh God, PLEASE don’t rush a new man into the life of a 2 year old. She’s a baby; she shouldn’t feel the need to compete with some random bloke you’ve started seeing. Keep them apart, slow things down, and for Gods sake don’t ever leave them alone together or move him in.

A 2.5 year old described as ‘opinionated and sassy’ just translates to naughty and hard work.

leave your boyfriend out of it.

My 2yo dd is very opinionated. I don’t think it’s fair for a child that age to know a new partner in a short space of time. They need stable relationships they can rely on.

She's testing boundaries. He's a new person in her life and she's obviously fond of him if she's asking to spend time with him. She'll be testing him to see what she can get away with and if he's likely to stick around. She may like him but it will take a while to build trust.

Kids don’t always ask to spend time with somebody because they like them. Sometimes it’s because they’ve picked up on the parents approval when they act like they like that person, so say they do to receive praise.

Why would a 2 year old think a new boyfriend is coming on holiday?

Should I listen to her behaviours instead or her saying she likes him?
Yes, I think you should.

I agree with @GoodnightAdeline that children say that they like things/people/food etc for approval.

If she said 'I really don't like Rodger, he smells of potatoes and I don't want him to come to our house' then she's going to make you sad and maybe cross.

You might say something about how he's lovely and he want to go to the zoo with us.

If she says 'I've drawn Roger this picture. When is he coming to our house?' then you will be pleased and happy and you will admire the picture and you will tell him about the picture and he will look at it and talk to her about it and everything is great.

She’s 2 years old. She’s not a ‘sass queen’ who ‘says it as it is’. She’s 2.

2 year olds blow hot and cold on everything. Much of their communication is behavioural. They live in the moment and say a lot of things that they don’t mean.

I suggest some reading on basic child development might be useful here.

On the boyfriend thing, there is absolutely no rush here. You have a 2 year old - do you need to be talking to her about going on holiday with your boyfriend?

Also, I'd reframe your internal talk about your DD. Girls get 'bossy' and 'feisty' but no one ever talks about boys like that. 'Sassqueen' is worse. What about 'knows her own mind' 'assertive' or 'speaks up'?

Great post.

100% agree. Awful language. So damaging

A 2½ yr old that 'says it like it is' and is 'opinionated'. 😂 You are funny OP.

Please stop putting adult thought processes and sensibilities on the actions of a tiny child. 'Blowing hot and cold' ffs! She doesn't even know what that means.

Why is this on the step parenting board, you're new boyfriend won't be acting as her caregiver will he?

Well OP isn't returning but hope she reads and takes on board the comments about slowing down and describing a toddler as a 'sassqueen.'