School Holiday Support Club for SMs

[Floofydawg]

No judgement or SM bashing please (we'll see how that one goes...)

Just thought some of you might need a support club as the school hols are underway - I know I do. SS (17) due to arrive this evening for 3 days and won't leave the house or do anything until he goes back home. We thought we had made progress with persuading him that he would benefit from getting a PT job to get him some life experience and get him out and about, but his mum has put the kibosh on that as she doesn't want him to grow up or gain any independence. So it's back to being ignored in my own home all day for 3 days and trying to avoid walking into the room when he's talking to his dad as they literally just stop talking and I feel like an imposter.

Edited to add: also the yelling into his computer whilst gaming when I'm in the next room working and on Teams calls. Not helpful.

I'm not doing 8 weeks of hols like this in the summer.

What does SS usually do when he's at his DM's? Has anyone asked SS what he would like to do while he's staying at your house? At that age DSD was always out with her friends, at her friends houses or doing homework.

Does SS have friends nearby that he would like to see. Can he be given lifts out and picked up if there are things he'd like to do?

How are the summer holidays being split? Could he get a summer job for DF's share of the holidays? At 17 it's not really his DM's decision anymore and once he's 18 she can't stop him getting a job.

Ah good luck. I sometimes have my SC and my friends kids but they know I’m working. If they’re gobbing off on the console I will say keep it down I’m working, next time, if I tell you to keep it down again, it will go off. Third time which I’ve old reached twice it goes off.

I can’t be on the phone to customers hearing shouting and frustrations in the background.

could you maybe all watch a film together after tea? Or a dog walk something to break up the monotony of gaming.

i hope at that age he is helping to tidy up after meal times. That would maybe get him out of his pit for a bit. Is there any garden manly jobs for want of a better phrase he could get involved in if this is up his street?

Summer hols are being split same as any other week is split - 3 days here, 4 at his mum's. We are battling against mum telling him he can't/should't get a job and as he is a people pleaser (and deep down he's lazy so this suits him) he goes along with what she says. Honestly it's ridiculous that at the age of 17 he's still at a rigid contact schedule but that's a whole other thread. He's been told he can go off and meet his friends, he can get lifts/the bus or whatever but he just wants to sit in his room and do nothing for the whole holiday.

That's a good idea re switching off the gaming console if not quiet when warned - will bear that in mind.

Your partner needs to be the one telling him to get a job. He’s 17, he could be doing driving lessons by now.

Again, your partner needs to be setting house rules for him. up and changed out of pjs by a certain time. Completing a check list of certain house chores before any gaming (simple ones like taking out the bins, hoovering, nipping to the shop for bread milk etc)

Your partner needs to let him know it’s not ok to ignore you in your own house for no justified reason.

Your partner is just as much of an issue here as your SS.

My 17yo DSS lives with us full-time and does spend the majority of his time in his room when he's not working. He works full-time. He goes out occasionally with friends and has his girlfriend over a couple of times a week. He also has chores to do and does all his own washing. At 17, I think it's a bit ridiculous that his mum is encouraging him not to get a PT job. Very hard to work against that if he's lazy. I wouldn't be dishing out any pocket money in this case of he's doing zero for it.

Honestly, if he's spending most of his time in his room I'd just leave him to it. Out of sight out of mind. Just get on with your day as normal. Stopping conversation when you walk in the room is quite rude but I wouldn't look too much into it. They're probably talking about something boring.

Good luck! I find it really difficult to WFH whilst other members of the family are home so I feel your pain.

Stopping conversation when you walk in the room is quite rude but I wouldn't look too much into it. They're probably talking about something boring.

Oh yeah, it'll be something I'm not into. But why not just carry on? It makes me feel unwelcome in my own home.

My only gripe with the school holidays is that the ex has to be within a few feet of me for transitions which are usually done at school. I leave the front door unlocked and DSD just lets herself in but even just seeing the car parked outside gives me the heebie jeebies. Even worse if I have to hear her voice.

At least it's only 2 weeks. I WFH so it's usually me who's here for transitions although DH does try to get finished work earlier and home on time. Hopefully he's finished early enough to pick SD up today so the witch doesn't need to be near my house looking for more things to report me to the council for. I've been reported twice to planning for my garage conversion and twice to environmental health. All false allegations and the council were satisfied there were no issues but still a total pain in the arse.

We've booked DSD into summer camps with one of her school friends so it'll just be like she's at school like normal. DH and I have also taken a couple of days off to do something nice with her. She's no bother anyway and I love having her here. DSS lives with us full-time and is working now so the school holidays don't really apply to him. The only problem is their mother.

@Illpickthatup me too - I hate exW coming to our house. I just feel like it’s a total intrusion. Luckily, she hasn’t gone a drop off for over two years as she is so entitled she doesn’t believe she should have to inconvenience herself to that extent. But I used to hate the odd occasion she did. I always felt like I had to be poised and doing something.

My DH usually does the drop offs and pick ups but if she's out with DSD she'll offer to drop her off. She always makes a point of having a good look through the windows as she's driving past. It's definitely got easier since DSD is now old enough to just come in herself. She actually came into my hallway once to give DSD a kiss because DSD had just walked away from her. Bleugh! Like say your goodbyes and do all the hugs and kisses before you get to my door like we do when we're dropping off.

That made me smile - I have had to call DSS back to the door when he has wandered into the house and his DM was insisting on her goodbye kiss. Like you say, awkward.

My children and step children are all back at school on Monday so my hols are over. And we just dropped SC back for a weekend with their mum before school recommences.

My Easter holidays have been very very hard work and I am very tired and very upset. I have just opened a bottle of wine and there is a big fat jacket potato in the oven with my name on it. ✌️

Enjoy the peace, and the wine.

Mines not been too bad as they just chilled in their rooms most the time.