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Step-parenting

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Help! My stepdaughter is toxic

7 replies

Losingmymind80 · 29/03/2024 01:09

Myself and my partner have been together for 6 1/2 years and have an almost 4yr child together. He has 2 children from a previous relationship now aged 13 & 19. The relationship with their mother broke down when the children were 1 & 4
i always had a very good relationship with both children but sadly not so much with their mother.
over the last year my 19 year old step daughter has constantly tried to cause bad feelings and atmosphere between me and my partner & all of my partners family.
She is very passive aggressive and thinks she is ‘clever’ and that it isn’t blatantly obvious she is sh*t stirring, slagging me off (behind my back) and just generally trying to cause trouble or do things to try to make me as uncomfortable and excluded as possible.
I have repeatedly raised the numerous issues with my partner who always says “he will deal with things in his own time and at the right time” well unsurprisingly when that time eventually comes around it’s been so long since whatever issue has happened that in my opinion it no longer has any weight.
my stepdaughter and her mother had a very volatile relationship up until about 18 months ago which often resulted in her mom throwing her out and me having to drop everything and drive over half an hour to pick her up and arrange for her to collect her belongings and her coming to live with us for extended periods of time. I never once made any issue off this nor did I have any issues as I love my stepdaughter and would do anything for her.
But now she is treating me like scum she thinks she’s clever causing trouble and bad feeling but keeping enough of a distance most of the time that she is making me look like a bitch and even when I call her out and we fall out because she won’t ever accept she is wrong or apologise she will continue to give me foul attitude until her grandma speaks to her or her dad (weakly 😡)
I’ve had enough but I do not know how to deal with it. I don’t feel like I am getting the strong support I deserve by her dad putting her in her place in no uncertain terms.
I feel I keep being made to look like a mug.
HELP PLEASE!!! any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I refuse to allow to the vile brat to come between me and my partner but I don’t know how much longer I can keep being ‘the bigger person’ and letting things go.

OP posts:
livingnight · 29/03/2024 07:12

I think the bigger problem is your dh. Have you pointed out to him by him staying silent in the moment is giving your dsd the signal that he agrees with her ?

What does grandma say to her ? Any insights from her ?

Justanything86 · 29/03/2024 07:34

If your dh won't do anything I'd tell him she's not welcome in the house anymore. It's your home, she's an adult, he can see her elsewhere. You don't need to continue to be having contact with someone who is deliberately targeting you.

ZekeZeke · 29/03/2024 07:45

You have a DH/Partner problem.
Whose house is it? Yours? Your partners?
Age wise, are you much older than your stepdaughter? I ask this because she may not see you in an authoritative way.

determinedtomakethiswork · 29/03/2024 07:55

Your pathetic partner is the problem here. Does he live in your house?

Illpickthatup · 29/03/2024 08:48

God if my stepkids spoke to me like I was scum my DH would hit the roof.

Your DH is letting to down badly here and by refusing to deal with her is basically allowing her to treat you however she pleases.

PurpleSparkles82 · 29/03/2024 16:22

Your DH is just as much of a problem
here. Time for a strong word methinks. Tell him if he won’t step up and address her behaviour then she’s not welcome. It’s your home, you should not have to tolerate being treated like that by anyone, especially not someone else’s (adult) child. He can always see her elsewhere.

My sympathies OP. I have an adult SD whose behaviour is similar. Thankfully she moved away to university a year ago and I have peace once again. It’s so hard when you care and do so much only to be treated like shit and have it thrown back in your face.

CRE2024 · 29/03/2024 16:26

What are the things she is doing?

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