ExGF beating new BF

[FWBnomore]

The DC are with us this week. Over the past few weeks we’ve found out that ex is 3 months pregnant with BF of 7 months.
This morning we were told by DC that their DM beats her BF.
DP is obviously worried about his DC being in this sort of environment.
DP’s ex also being very crazy, one week she says he doesn’t see DC enough, yesterday she said he must return them by 17:00 Sunday and not take them to school
on a Monday.
I don’t know how to support him through this. Anyone else dealt with this rubbish?

[beliefbelieve]

how long have you been with DP

how old are the children?

[pinkyredrose]

Is your DP going to go for full residency of the children?

Feel sorry for her fella, he needs to go to the police.

[KirstenBlest]

How long have you been with your DP? Do you have children together?

[FWBnomore]

Together 2.5 years. We don’t live together as we wanted his home to be stable for the DC but I do spend time with him and his DC. They trust me and respect me. Ages 6 and 9.
His dream is full custody. I’ve said I will support him and be a witness to her behaviour if required.
This is her 4th BF in 2 years. All have moved in.
She used to beat my DP too. One of the reasons they split. We need the current BF to speak up.

[KirstenBlest]

Your DP's children's mother will be in their lives forever probably.
The 'crazy ex' is a red flag. My XP had a whole string of them.

[Illpickthatup]

He can apply for an emergency court order of he thinks the situation at their mum's is putting them in danger. Does he currently have a court order? What steps has he taken already to get full custody?

[FWBnomore]

@KirstenBlest

Your DP's children's mother will be in their lives forever probably.
The 'crazy ex' is a red flag. My XP had a whole string of them.

I’ve heard her on the phone. I’ve been at the receiving end of it as well. It’s not a red flag at all. He hasn’t had a string of them. He actually speaks quite nicely about previous partners.
I’ve known him for many years before we got together, he never said anything bad about her during this time. He was so happy when she was pregnant with their first child.

[FWBnomore]

@Illpickthatup

He can apply for an emergency court order of he thinks the situation at their mum's is putting them in danger. Does he currently have a court order? What steps has he taken already to get full custody?

No court order at the moment. He is currently looking into it now as this has only come up today with the violence. He had started to get the visits sorted out as she kept changing things last minute.
Everything has become very strange, it was calm for a while. Last week she threatened to report him for child endangerment because the eldest had a sore throat at the end of the weekend with him.

[mirl]

Well it's not 'only come up today with the violence' if he's said she also used to beat him up as well has it? Stop with the 'crazy ex' trope. It doesn't matter if you think it or her behaviour is erratic etc. Stop saying it. It won't help your case in here and it won't help in real life. And I hope to his neither of you speak about their mother like that infront of the children. Regardless of her behaviour.

[Illpickthatup]

@FWBnomore

No court order at the moment. He is currently looking into it now as this has only come up today with the violence. He had started to get the visits sorted out as she kept changing things last minute.
Everything has become very strange, it was calm for a while. Last week she threatened to report him for child endangerment because the eldest had a sore throat at the end of the weekend with him.

He definitely needs to get a court order sorted then asap. It only costs £232 to apply for one and it would only cost extra if he uses a solicitor. I'd also start keeping a diary of anything the kids report and any times she's messed around with the schedule of you don't already do that.

What is the current schedule?

[FWBnomore]

@mirl

Well it's not 'only come up today with the violence' if he's said she also used to beat him up as well has it? Stop with the 'crazy ex' trope. It doesn't matter if you think it or her behaviour is erratic etc. Stop saying it. It won't help your case in here and it won't help in real life. And I hope to his neither of you speak about their mother like that infront of the children. Regardless of her behaviour.

I haven’t said she was crazy - someone else did.
We never say anything against her in front of the children. That is all handled with great respect towards the children.
They are the ones that often question her behaviour and that is sometimes difficult to answer.

[FWBnomore]

@Illpickthatup

He definitely needs to get a court order sorted then asap. It only costs £232 to apply for one and it would only cost extra if he uses a solicitor. I'd also start keeping a diary of anything the kids report and any times she's messed around with the schedule of you don't already do that.

What is the current schedule?

Current schedule is supposed to be every other weekend with half of the school holidays. Last year it was fine and she stuck with it.

[BitchyHen]

Witnessing domestic violence is emotional abuse of children. This should be reported to social services to allow them to investigate. Google your county & safeguarding hub to get the number. Your partner needs to take this very seriously and protect his children.

[Illpickthatup]

@FWBnomore

Current schedule is supposed to be every other weekend with half of the school holidays. Last year it was fine and she stuck with it.

Is there a reason why he has so little contact given that he claims she is a violent person? Surely he would have applied for at least 50:50 by now.

You say his dream is full custody yet all he's done so far is "look into it". What's there to look into? Something's not sounding right to me.

[FWBnomore]

I should have stated at the beginning that we are not in the UK. I was looking more for advice on how I can support him. What should I be doing to help him, rather than what he should be doing.
He originally wanted 50/50 but she wouldn’t agree, as she quit her job and wouldn’t get maintenance payments from him.
As I said she changes from one week to the next. She says he doesn’t see them enough, he offers to take them more and then she takes the time away from him.
I have been keeping a diary of calls where I have been present as they have been on speaker phone.

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

If I had kids that were witnessing domestic violence, I would get them out of there and report it. Social services, police, whatever needed to be done.

You need to do more than a diary of the calls, record every single call.

[mirl]

DP's ex also being very crazy

That is a direct quote from your OP. You called her crazy, not someone else.

[Unexpecteddrivinginstructor]

You could talk to the school. They will have some awareness of the procedures where you live to safeguard the children.

[Willyoujustbequiet]

@Illpickthatup

Is there a reason why he has so little contact given that he claims she is a violent person? Surely he would have applied for at least 50:50 by now.

You say his dream is full custody yet all he's done so far is "look into it". What's there to look into? Something's not sounding right to me.

This

It's always the crazy ex.....until the penny drops