Would you say no

[Crystallizedring]

DH has a daughter from previous marriage. She is quite a bit older than our children.
DSD really doesn't enjoy school but has become more against it this year. She claims to be sick, has a migraine or period pains in order to get sent home.
I work very close to her school because of this DH will often call me to pick her up. When it was only occasionally I didn't mind but now it seems that DH and his ex just assume I will pick up as I'm selfish if I don't (it would take either of them an hour to pick up).
So I pick up but neither mum or dad come home early and obviously work are getting annoyed about me leaving work early.
On top of that I don't let DSD play on her technology when she is sick (I also have this rule for my children) but according to DH that is me being mean.
We had a row last week and I said I was no longer going to pick up DSD. If he doesn't like how I look after her he can do it. Or mum. Or her grandparents.
It's okay for me to say no isn't it? It's not really DSD that's the problem but the fact her parents think it's fine for me to risk my job by caring for their sick child.
I blame DH because for all I know he might have told his ex I'm fine with the arrangement but I'm really not.

[LenaLamont]

You're right, you don't need to cause problems with your employer because neither of the DSC's parents will step up.

If she's not well, she can wait in the nurse's office (or wherever schools put children waiting to go home these days) or one of her parents can collect her and make arrangements for her supervision. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

[Prydddan]

In my view, you are the only one trying to behave sensibly here. Except for the bit about putting your job at risk.

Stick to your guns that you can't do it any more. Tell them they're being selfish in expecting you to mess up at work just to save them a problem.

After a few weeks of them being inconvenienced by having to temd to their sick child they might call time on her nonsense.

[KalaMush]

I know this isn't AIBU, but you are not being unreasonable at all. It's completely unreasonable of your DH and his ex to expect you to jeopardise your job like this! "No, I can't leave work early today" and repeat.

[Illpickthatup]

Absofukinglutely it's ok for you to say no. He parents are using you as a free babysitting service and then have the cheek to criticise you. Good enough to do the running around but then not allowed to have your own rules and boundaries. Why should you leave work early but they cant. She's their child. They're taking the absolute piss.

They're also not helping their DD either by pandering to her constantly. If she's really that ill she needs to be seen by a doctor but I suspect she's just trying to skive off, and why wouldn't she when her soft touch parents make it so easy for her. Tell them from now on you won't be picking her up or watching her if she's home sick. Of course they will be angry about it but not being you're being unreasonable but because you're finally pulling them up on being unreasonable.

[Purplecatshopaholic]

You are quite right. Start saying no. And keep saying it. This is for your DH and his ex to sort, they are behaving like CFs!

[moderate]

You are being entirely reasonable and you need to nip this in the bud. And if you’ve told your husband that work are getting annoyed and he seemingly doesn’t care — you need to nip that in the bud too.

[Scaffoldingisugly]

Maybe her parents would be more likely to get to the bottom of her issues if it was them and their jobs that were being inconvenienced...

[Fortitudinal]

Say no and mean it and keep saying no.

The absolute sheer gall of calling you selfish. Let her actual parents do the parenting. They both sound like wastes of space.

[SemperIdem]

They are both entirely taking the piss.

[Chocolatecakewithsprinkles]

You have definitely done beyond your share, you are not being selfish. Your husband needs step up and deal with the situation himself.

[Pennyforyour]

They’re taking the piss. You have every right to say no and I’d being doing the exact same thing. They’ve taken your generosity for granted. Put your foot down OP!

[Daleksatemyshed]

Stick to your guns Op, you can't afford to risk your good standing with your employers just because the DP's think you're their easy option. I'd e mail the school and tell them your name needs to come off the contact list unless it's a proper emergency. I'm amazed your partner not only thinks you should pick up his DC but also let them play games once they're home- if a DC's ill enough to come home they need rest surely.
The coming home from school sick has obviously got a bit too regular if it's happened enough to piss your job off- maybe the DC's parents should be asking why it keeps happening, not why you won't pick up?

[dreadisabaddog]

You're the only one parenting and behaving responsibly here. Push back. You are right and they are CFers

[readytoexplode24]

Good on you.

When they're constantly having to leave work early, they may actually get to the bottom of why their dd keeps pretending to be poorly and get it sorted.

Not your child, not your responsibility.

[Iloveacurry]

Of course you’re not being unreasonable.

if it’s a problem for her parents, they need to pick her up from school.

[Shinyandnew1]

You are not being unreasonable! They need to deal with this.

How are you being asked to collect her-does the school have you done as the first contact? I would ignore the bloody phone if it’s the school. Or just say sorry, you can’t leave work and school will have to ring one of her parents and keep her there till they can arrive.

[Crystallizedring]

Thanks for the reassurance. I was sure I wasn't being mean or selfish but DH often makes me feel that way when it comes to DSD.
The school don't call me DH does and if I don't or can't answer he'll phone the office.
I would even consider doing pick up if it was only during DHs contact time but it's all the time.

[Shinyandnew1]

@Crystallizedring

Thanks for the reassurance. I was sure I wasn't being mean or selfish but DH often makes me feel that way when it comes to DSD.
The school don't call me DH does and if I don't or can't answer he'll phone the office.
I would even consider doing pick up if it was only during DHs contact time but it's all the time.

You are not unreasonable in the slightest!

[sprigatito]

The cheek of him, not only expecting you to jeopardise your job to pick her up, but complaining about how you care for her as well! I generally think everyone should be prepared to make concessions and help each other out in a blended family, so I would do it occasionally in a genuine emergency...but certainly not frequently enough to disrupt your job, and really they both need to be engaging with their daughter's school refusal - either getting her some help if she needs it, or being firmer with her if she's milking it. Not palming her off on you and letting her get more isolated.

[JenniferBooth]

Your DH phones your employer? You are with a fuckwit and he might as well be back with his ex

[Floofydawg]

How old is she, and can't she get herself home?

But no, I wouldn't be doing it either.

[KalaMush]

He phones your office if you don't answer your mobile? Honestly I would be so furious!

[Youcannotbeseriousreally]

There is no universe in which I would drop everything at work to go and do a job that 2 parents are already supposed to be doing. As I am not allowed to plan my life, go on holiday without my step kids, have expectations of behaviour etc ( that SM on here aren’t allowed as it makes them ‘evil’ !) then I’m absolutely NOT going to do any parenting!

you can’t have it all!

[PapaIndigoTangoAlpha]

YABU to have even said yes in the first place. Absolutely not a chance I'd be leaving my job early so neither parent of this child had to. They've taken you for a mug.

[Astariel]

@Crystallizedring

Thanks for the reassurance. I was sure I wasn't being mean or selfish but DH often makes me feel that way when it comes to DSD.
The school don't call me DH does and if I don't or can't answer he'll phone the office.
I would even consider doing pick up if it was only during DHs contact time but it's all the time.

It sounds like this is part of a bigger problem where he manipulates you into taking on his responsibilities.

It is absolutely fine to say no and to expect your husband to live up to his responsibilities. You aren’t his nanny/housekeeper/personal assistant.