Cheeky f*kker?

[Imaginemissmarple]

Back story…been with DH for 25 yrs, we have a DD23 together and DH has a DS28 and DD33 who has two gorgeous kids.

We love them all and try our best to treat them all the same, certainly on the big stuff where we have made financial gifts to aid purchase of first car, first house etc. We help out ad-hoc financially and also help with child care for the GC. Eldest has had most overall, but is older and further on in life. I am the main earner, DH has been retired for quite a few years, he is older than me and I have a great job that I love.

Around ten years ago, we bought a holiday home abroad, we saved up for a number of years and it’s been fab, we love it and try and go as much as possible, think southern Europe.

During lockdown 2020, I was allowed to work from holiday house for 3 months and we have have been able to do 6 weeks and 4 weeks in July/August since. We are now fully back in office with an expectation on 3 days a week in office ( which I like). Last year, my employer announced the in office time would be relaxed during August, however we were only able to go for 3 weeks as DSD was there for a holiday with kids, we crossed over with them for 5/6 days which was lovely but it’s not a big place, so impossible to work from there with people staying as I work from the open plan lounge/dinjng/kitchen. This year it’s same arrangement ie August only so we let DSD know in October and said if she wanted to go in 2024, she could pick first 4 weeks in July.

anyway, tonight I asked my DH if DSD was planning to go and he said, he didn’t think so, they had booked a holiday at Easter to a Disney resort and could not get holidays in July. I said they could come for our first week when I am on hols but I am working after that. He said he would offer and in reply, he has just received an awful text about us putting other people first, how they like to go in August because her birthday is in August etc. my sister and BIL are coming for two nights on first weekend in August as they are already in southern Europe.

She has form for bring pretty fiery, there isn’t much gratitude for anything, we don’t take any money for using the house even though the air con and water bills are steep during peak summer. We both feel this is a recurring theme of expectation and entitlement.

what are we missing and more importantly how do we deal with this?

[Toooldtoworry]

Just wow.

[Fitzbillie]

I would send her this:

😂 Yes, we do prioritise our use of our own holiday home over everybody else! You’re welcome to use the house when we don’t need it or join us when we are on holiday and not working. Unfortunately, it looks like the only time Miss Marple’s work will allow her to work from the holiday home is August so it won’t be available at that time of year from now on. There is no point in having a holiday home we can’t use!

That probably would just made things worse though.

Are you sure there isn’t some misunderstanding and she thinks your BIL and SIL are staying for the whole month or something? Surely even the cheekiest of CFs wouldn’t expect you to prioritise her use of your holiday home over your own.

[SuncreamAndIceCream]

If she wants priority in August because it's her birthday she should fork out for her own holiday home!

Honestly OP, she's so batshit I would hope this is one of those situations when she will look back and cringe

Don't rise to it, just explain as nicely as you can that as you pay all the bills it's your choice when and if people use it. And hopefully she will realise how out of order she has been. Fingers crossed 🤞

[Imaginemissmarple]

@Fitzbillie

I would send her this:

😂 Yes, we do prioritise our use of our own holiday home over everybody else! You’re welcome to use the house when we don’t need it or join us when we are on holiday and not working. Unfortunately, it looks like the only time Miss Marple’s work will allow her to work from the holiday home is August so it won’t be available at that time of year from now on. There is no point in having a holiday home we can’t use!

That probably would just made things worse though.

Are you sure there isn’t some misunderstanding and she thinks your BIL and SIL are staying for the whole month or something? Surely even the cheekiest of CFs wouldn’t expect you to prioritise her use of your holiday home over your own.

Thanks, DH has now told her that BIL/sister are only there for two nights to visit us, they don’t actually want to stay in the house on their own. Nothing - radio silence.

[Scaffoldingisugly]

I would be adding on the rates for 2024 to the back of the text......

[Imaginemissmarple]

@SuncreamAndIceCream

If she wants priority in August because it's her birthday she should fork out for her own holiday home!

Honestly OP, she's so batshit I would hope this is one of those situations when she will look back and cringe

Don't rise to it, just explain as nicely as you can that as you pay all the bills it's your choice when and if people use it. And hopefully she will realise how out of order she has been. Fingers crossed 🤞

Thanks, I did actually have this convo with DH, you know they could rent somewhere for the birthday week. I actually think that would help her understand how expensive it is and what bargain she gets - We could get 2k a week if we rented. It’s not the money though, it’s the expectation.

[2907fe9166a247bb9f7]

She’s a cheeky cow.
I would be super grateful for any dates if I was able to use a holiday home for free!

Id also go back on tell her moving forward if she uses the place then she needs to pay the air con and water bills while she’s using it and that a thank you wouldn’t hurt too.

I would have a word with her though about how rude she’s being and that it’s your place and she shouldn’t act so entitled.

[HAF1119]

I'd be tempted to be more bold in dealing with it. Doesn't have to be nasty but does need to tell her what she is doing.

I'm disappointed you feel we should give up our only time in the holiday home we bought for you. We let you stay there for free when alternatives would cost you a lot of money, and now feel it's not appreciated at all. We therefore withdraw your free accomodation in our holiday home until you can be more appreciative and reasonable about this kind gesture we have and are (except this one period we need it) offering you.

[Saymyname28]

"No worries, seems the set up with your use of our holiday home is causing you upset so we won't offer any more."

It's a free holiday, take it or leave it.

[jolies1]

My parents have a holiday home - we have a shared family online calendar. Parents block out their dates for the year (or dates they think they will be there. They like winter sun so January always blocked out for example even though they might only end up going two weeks). The rest are up for dibs for the grown up kids and families. We all contribute €100 per family per visit towards bills and to pay for a cleaning service so we don’t have to deep clean on last day and everyone arrives to a clean villa with remade beds. It’s a token amount as parents want us to enjoy what they have worked for but it means less resentment and makes us feel better about accepting a free holiday & we have a list of basics to restock before leaving (loo roll, washing bits and wine)!

[2907fe9166a247bb9f7]

@jolies1

My parents have a holiday home - we have a shared family online calendar. Parents block out their dates for the year (or dates they think they will be there. They like winter sun so January always blocked out for example even though they might only end up going two weeks). The rest are up for dibs for the grown up kids and families. We all contribute €100 per family per visit towards bills and to pay for a cleaning service so we don’t have to deep clean on last day and everyone arrives to a clean villa with remade beds. It’s a token amount as parents want us to enjoy what they have worked for but it means less resentment and makes us feel better about accepting a free holiday & we have a list of basics to restock before leaving (loo roll, washing bits and wine)!

Edited

This sounds amazing and I wish my parents had a holiday home 😂

[Imaginemissmarple]

@jolies1

My parents have a holiday home - we have a shared family online calendar. Parents block out their dates for the year (or dates they think they will be there. They like winter sun so January always blocked out for example even though they might only end up going two weeks). The rest are up for dibs for the grown up kids and families. We all contribute €100 per family per visit towards bills and to pay for a cleaning service so we don’t have to deep clean on last day and everyone arrives to a clean villa with remade beds. It’s a token amount as parents want us to enjoy what they have worked for but it means less resentment and makes us feel better about accepting a free holiday & we have a list of basics to restock before leaving (loo roll, washing bits and wine)!

Edited

This could a great solution going forward to avoid a difficult situation!