Meeting Older Boyfriend's Daughter for the First Time - tips and advice

[Stepppingontoes]

Hello mumsnet, this might be a bit long because there's a bit of context.
I (23) have been with my boyfriend (40) for a year and a half now and we are thinking of moving in together, so he thinks it's time I met his daughter (18).
I know age gap relationships are controversial on mumsnet so let me get some context clear:

• we met in real life, he used to come into my work a lot and we hit it off. He was not out trawling tinder for 20 somethings.
• I thought he was younger, about 30 because he looks good for his age (and in general in my opinion) and because he would always come in with his dad and his dads friends who are 60s, so next to them he looked young.
• No, he was not married when I met him. Had been divorced for 10 years.
• He does not normally date younger, ex wife is older, ex long term GF was two years younger.
• I do not normally date anyone significantly older than me, have always said 30 is my hard cut off but I guess God had other plans.
• Yes my family do know, they have met him and like him. My parents were a bit hostile at first but he won them over.
• I will be moving into his house and his daughter sometimes stays there when she's back from uni.

Just including these things because I think they're relevant and I feel like they answer the common questions.

He has had regular contact with his daughter and she knows he has a girlfriend, she wants to meet me. He has only introduced one girlfriend to his daughter since he split with her mum so I am feeling pressure. I am looking for general tips, ideas for where to go/what to do (I was thinking maybe a nice pub quiz or something I know she likes a quiz). Obviously I am also looking for advice on the elephant in the room... she will definitely know I'm younger than her dad when she sees me. Her dad says she's not asked how old I am and he hasn't approached it with her. My gut feeling is that he should mention it before we meet, but I really don't know. I feel like maybe if she was prepared for the shock it would help? I don't know if I'm overthinking this. Any advice would be great.

Ps Sorry if there's typos English isn't my first language!

[lunar1]

He should definitely tell her in advance that you are only 5 years older than her. I don't see how it could get a good reaction if it's sprung on her. She deserves to think about how she feels without an audience.

[SemperIdem]

I agree that she needs to be aware of your age ahead of meeting you. She is not likely to take it well initially.

[TheCosySeal]

He hasn’t even told her that your basically the same age?

Why not? Shit excuse to say she hasn’t asked.

She’s going to think her dad is a creep.

[Pigeonqueen]

You’re the same age as my own dd. I think if he hasn’t told his dd you’re a similar age it’s a huge issue. He needs to be upfront with her. Personally I think you’d be absolutely mad to move in with him after only a year and a half when there’s such a huge age gap and he still has his student dd living with him a lot of the time.

[Youcannotbeseriousreally]

I wouldn’t even try this tbh. It’s got disaster written all over it! You’re young! Go and start fresh with someone with no baggage!

Otherwise, he has to tell her your age in advance. She isn’t going to like being ambushed like this!

[Grapesandcheesetwo]

I agree with PP that you shouldn't agree to meet her until he's told her your age. If she's still happy to meet you a pub quiz sounds good.

[iseeisee1]

Tip: don’t do this .