Need some advice

30 replies

Survivor2020 · 22/02/2024 15:22

Hi all. I need advice on an issue. I have 3 DC, boys 11,10 and 8 from a previous marriage. I got remarried 4 years ago to my DH who doesn’t have kids from previous relationships but we now have two DC together. When we first got married he was fine with me having DC as long as their dad was taking responsibility for them. Their dad was taking responsibility until he realised that I was never going to get back with him so he reverted to being his true nasty self and stopped taking them. Now I have my DC all the time and my DH keeps saying this wasn’t the agreement and their dad needs to take responsibility. He is telling me that I need to give them to their dad when they reach about 13 because he is not dealing teenagers. What approach would you take to resolve the matter?

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Illpickthatup · 23/02/2024 07:40

Survivor2020 · 22/02/2024 21:47

Thank you everyone for your responses and I definitely understand the direct approach to divorce. I have thought about it and see that divorce is the only option but I also have two children with him and I’ve seen what it’s like for children to go through divorce so it’s very difficult.@ChampagneBlossom44 thank you for taking the time to sift through everything. He is an amazing dad to his kids and his reason for saying he doesn’t want to raise teenage kids is that their dad is alive and well and he’s financially stable. They speak to their dad and he sends them money but he doesn’t take them when he does he tries to turn them against us and that’s another problem for my DH. He’s suggested that I completely cut them off from their dad so we can raise them as we like BUT once their dad cut off contact completely for 6 months, my DH started saying this is too much and he can’t take it and he’s doing something no one else would ever do. He said no man without kids Would ever marry a woman with kids.

it’s a very depressing situation and a very long story.

Haha? Is he serious? So he thinks he's the first man on earth to marry a woman with kids? Does he want some sort of a medal, an OBE?

My DH has raised his DSS17 as his own since the age of 3 and he now lives with us full time. He has a biological dad who seems to be financially stable and now has more children including stepkids. So should we just ship him off to the guy who abandoned him at 3? His mother has been on two holidays with her boyfriend in the last 3 months so clearly has the money to help raise my DSS17. So again, should we chuck him and and tell him to live with his toxic mother?

So my DSS has 2 very much alive and financially stable bio parents yet here we are raising him. Your DH must think we are prize idiots eh?

Just because bio parents exist and are financially stable doesn't mean they are good parents and by the sounds of it your ex isn't a great guy if he's poisoning the kids against you. Kids deserve parent who want them and love them. Your kids deserve better than your DH.

lunar1 · 23/02/2024 07:58

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Obeast · 23/02/2024 08:45

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Frencis · 23/02/2024 08:59

I have a blended family and when dd was having a really hard time with her dad as a teen, she rang my dp in tears (I was away with work). He went straight out to pick her up. When ex decided to not pay child support, dp phoned him to ask for his bank details so he could pay for his other daughter too seeing as he doesn’t believe in supporting his own children (tongue in cheek!! Made his point, ex blocked him 😂) .. point being that family bonds are not always biological and your partner is behaving atrociously. My ex also believed that no one else would ‘have me’ as I had children, utter shite 🙄

PrueRamsay · 23/02/2024 21:07

Your poor children! Seriously @Survivor2020 you know it’s your job to protect them from this horrible man.

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