Still not coping with blended family life

[rainydays1234]

I've posted on here a few times and I'm still not coping.

Although today I'm surviving on zero sleep- but it's been a build up of several weeks of unbearable stress.

I just don't like my partner's kids living with us/me and I don't think that will change.

Funnily enough my children are fully happy with the new setup- it's just me who's not coping.

My partner is bending over backwards as he can see I'm not happy.

My new strategy was to bottle it up. I've gone about crying for the past week (also coincided with period hormones) but the hormones have passed but still feel awful.

The kids are doing nothing wrong- I just feel like I'm living with flat mates- and resent anything they do to make themselves feel at home.

A split is your only option.

He needs to move back out again, there's no other solution. It's not fair on anyone to carry on as you are.

He needs to move out.

Yes he needs to move out, before your feelings start to show and he resents/dislikes you for it and you end up splitting up. You and he can try living together later, when the kids have grown up and left home.

You need to separate, you'll all feel so much better when you can unclench.

I agree - you need to separate. It's not fair on his children in particular.

Steady on people. This may well be something that the OP can explore and overcome. What has happened with the use of space in the home? Do you feel like you don't have your own space anymore? Are you feeling really territorial like you want to piss against a wall, so to speak, like an angry cat? Have you an area that is yours? How old are the children?

How old are the kids, and how often are they with you? You have to bear in mind that it's not forever.

How often do they stay over? It would be a shame to have your own children living in a split family situation because this can’t be fixed.

it’s ok for you to feel this way it’s just about finding something to help.

Could you explore any option of staying out 1/2 days whilst they’re there. A night at your parents, a girlfriends even a hotel if it going to save your marriage.

How long has it been? If I'm honest it took about a year for me to be completely comfortable sharing a space with my step children. It also took them a bit of time too.

I could have written this post. My Son was so happy with the new blended set up. In fact everyone was except me. I felt terrible, we also had some financial difficulties which meant we went from a house to a flat and once that happened it was a matter of months before I called it. Still feel bad now as we lived together for over a year but I just wasn't happy. Since the split I'm so much happier. It would have been better for the kids ( his and mine) to stay under one roof, although I'd do almost anything for my son's happiness I couldn't do that.

Feel for you OP

I have the same thing when I’m hormonal - usually the week before my period my family set up feels unbearable and it’s such an excruciating, lonely experience.

How often are his kids with you?

Sending a loving hug

I wouldn't jump to separating!! How often do they stay? Do they have their own space (bedroom) at yours, or do they hang out where you do so you feel they're always there. What do you do when they are round? Are you responsible for their meals, tidying up etc? Maybe start to make plans on the days they come over; even for a few hours?
I have step kids, two! It was a difficult journey tbh. My OH started to lean on me with their needs. Dinners, washing their bedding, etc etc. I took one huge leap back and now do not get involved whatsoever with their needs. It was the only way for me. I have three children (two with him) and that was enough. I couldn't physically take on the metal or physical load of two more children. right or wrong, it works for us! He does everything for them and I'm not burdened with more children to look after as that was how it started to feel. Good luck trying to navigate your way through but if you want to be together, you'll make it work. X