This is long, sorry.
I'll preface this by saying I love my step sons. I'm just very frustrated by the situation we are currently in. DSS's mum moved them an hour away about a year and a half ago to move in with her boyfriend. Her plan Was for dh to go from having them 50/50 when they lived in the same place, to seeing them for four nights a month, every other Friday and Saturday at his Mums which is about 5 minutes nearer to where they now live. Family court chucked that out and we have them every other weekend Friday to Saturday and one night midweek one week, two nights the alternative, so 12 nights a month. We do the lions share of the travelling which has had a huge impact financially and on work. It's a 3 hour round trip in a morning due to traffic and that's before either of us start work. We do half the journeys each between dh and I.
All of which we have agreed to wear. Their mum is manipulative and is doing her level best to turn the kids against dh and I, and dh is terrified of standing up to her or asking for changes to the court order to make it more manageable for us all. He asked to drop one mid week night if we could then have an extra half term or more time in the summer and she flatly said no as it would impact her 'quality time' with them. Neither of us want to lose the boys anymore than we have. Dh finds all dealings with their mum very stressful and it's affected his mental health badly, as it is no doubt intended to do.
Anyway so far, so shit, but we were just about dealing with it. I went part time at work and we managed the travel etc.
Until their mum persuaded the boys that they should play for a football team near her every weekend instead of the one they had been perfectly happy playing in every other week near us (they they had played in it since they were 4). This means one of us driving them at least a 4 hour round trip on both Saturday and Sunday, plus game time so basically knocks out two thirds of each day. The boys have been told by mum and her boyfriend that if they don't play there every week it will be bad for their football 'careers' (it's under 11's football and frankly neither of them are going to end up winning the ballon d'or) and so they have put massive pressure on dh who again felt, rightly or wrongly, that he had no choice.
DSS1 is 12. On Saturdays when DSS1 and dh are out at football he is happy to potter about and can be left for a bit whilst I run errands or spend time with my DD's if they are about (older teens). DSS2 is a very a young 10. He can't be left at all. Come Sunday Mornings when his older brother goes to football with dh, he flat out refuses to go out, go anywhere or do anything except go on the PlayStation. He kicks off massively if we try to make him do anything at all, and then we get a horrible email from mum during the week. The whole thing is fraught with stress. Occasionally one of the girls will mind him but they also have weekend jobs and aren't always here. And it means if I want to do anything with them it's scuppered.
I am back to working full time now as our mortgage has just rocketed on top of everything else. I only have the weekend to get stuff done, or do anything nice. But I'm stuck in every other weekend with dss2 for a minimum of half a day, usually more. Today dh and dss2 left at 8.45, they will be back at 2pm. DH has tried taking dss2 with him on a Sunday, but it's another 2 hours minimum in the car, and in fairness he also needs a rest I suppose. Plus he just kicks off when it's suggested and throughout and then is awful for the rest of the day.
I know you will all say it's a Dh problem. And it would be easy for me to say that too. But we are a team and I don't feel able or want to nacho like that.
I'm just increasingly frustrated by the whole situation. We are just stuck in this endless cycle of travelling, working around the wants of the DSS's and their Mum... it's starting to affect our marriage and both dh and I's mental health.
Don't know why I posted this really. Im feeling very fed up today as dd1 and I wanted to go to London for the Chinese new year stuff, and we can't now go as dss2 refused to go with his dad, and doesn't want to come with us. It wouldn't be worth the hassle of making him come with as he would just ruin it by moaning. He can be a lovely boy-but there are definite issues around asking him to do things he doesn't want to do and subsequent behaviours.
I can't say this in rl to anyone as all my friends have nuclear families or more manageable
Situations and both sets of parents are very elderly and would just stress about it all. Think I just needed to vent.
Step parenting is bloody hard at times!