I really appreciate my stepmum

[izb3801]

There's not really a specific problem here but just wanted to add some positivity to the thread as know how it can be sometimes. Just writing an appreciation post for my stepmum (31). BTW, I'm writing from the perspective of an 18 year old girl (in Yr 13) so probably not the typical mumsnet poster.

She came into my life when I was 11 and has been utterly brilliant. I appreciate her for many things. She's always been kind to me, has always been willing to help me out with schoolwork (e.g - she has a Maths degree and helped me pass my GCSE for free), has shown an interest in my hobbies (Acting, Singing and Dancing) and will often come to watch me perform in Musicals and would help me with lines and things. She has a newborn baby with my dad and a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship so I appreciate her for making me a priority too. My (biological) parents never expected it from her and it's lovely to know she cares enough to do so. My mum is really appreciates to her as well and really likes her (some people think this is weird). She was also really young when I first met her and would miss hanging out with her friends just so I could be driven to activities when both my parents were busy.

The reason that I'm posting here is that my friend (17) has had a completely different experience with her stepmum. Her stepmum is really unwelcoming and refuses to let her come and see her dad more than once a week. Her dad always has to get his wife's permission to see his own daughter which was quite upsetting for my friend at the time. Friend hasn't seen her dad since Christmas as it would have 'got in the way of (his wife's) plan'. She's always really hostile to friend as well, telling her 'this isn't your home' and 'I'm not responsible for you so don't even think about making me be so' (I've witnessed this).

Does anyone else have positive relationships with stepparents, stepchildren or their children's stepparents or is it very distant?

I feel like this about my step dad (never have had a step mum), he has enriched mine and my siblings lives, and really earned his place to be considered a parent alongside our biological parents.

Edited to add - I’m in my mid-30’s, he’s been a part of my life for 25 years.

It's lovely to hear you've had such a positive experience.

I'm a stepmum to 3 kids and have no bio kids and no intention to have any. I've been with my DH for just over 3 years. Unfortunately his ex is a bit of a nightmare but over time we have handled it by putting plenty of boundaries in place. Every day life is good. The kids are 5, 16 and 17 so I have a very different relationship with my younger DSD that the 2 older boys due to their ages, but I have a good relationship with all of them.

I'm extremely close to my DSD. I spend more time with her than her mum does and treat her like my own. I do the school run, take her to her hobbies and we have girls days when DH is at football. We have a favourite little cafe we go to for hot chocolate and cake. I take her to the hairdresser's and nail salon. She loves a little pamper.

With the 2 boys I've never had a parenting role as such but I've given them lifts, helped with with CVs and job applications, taught them some recipes and other life skills. We've had some good conversations and they come to me for advice sometimes.

I've sacrificed a lot for my family, as most parents do, but I wouldn't change a thing. I always strive to to the best for my kids. I often wonder if I'm doing it right. It's nice to hear that a stepmums efforts are recognised and appreciated.

I love being a stepmum, i've got 2 step kids, no biological children and a 10 year old step son and 14 year old step daughter.

I've known them for the past 5 years, and their Mum has been really encouraging of their relationship with me. I had terrible step parents that made me feel unwelcome in my own home, didn't give me one on one time with my parent and generally treated me as though I wasn't wanted. I never wanted my step children to feel this way, and have always tried to do the right thing by them. I love them, and they love me and I feel really lucky to have them!

I think it's a shame when children are pulled in different directions, or when step parents are insecure and feel its a competition with the kids, or indeed, don't want anything to do with them. It's not the child's fault, why would someone want to be a negative influence in their lives?