Doing things together, AIBU?

[AnonoymousMum123]

I have one DD and one DS from my previous marriage. My partner also has one DD and one DS from his. Mine are mid-late teens and his are 13/10. It had ups and downs at the start but they all get along quite well now. However AIBU to want to do some things together? I asked my partner his plans for his DD birthday and he replied with 'I am taking her to a Westend show'.... its the same show myself and my DD would like to see. There was no mention of us going as well.....one half of me is hurt the other half is telling myself perhaps he just wants time on his own with his DD. It just all feels so separate sometimes, I would like to feel a bit more like a family - a dysfunctional one yes. But it feels as though he isnt on the same page. I would have asked him if roles reversed. But perhaps I am in the wrong and should accept this is the way it is?

Maybe his DD would just prefer some quality time alone with her dad? What is your relationship like with his kids? Although DD and DH (her step father) always had a good relationship she still preferred and was far closer to me. That’s only natural. I wouldn’t have expected his sons (similar age difference to your DH’s kids) to want to go out with DD and I, and vice versa. You have to put the feelings of the kids in the situation above yours I’m afraid as what you want almost always won’t be what they want.

She isnt really like that, (as in doesnt really want the one on one time) I know that prob sounds a bit odd! But she isnt really. We all get on quite well, still navigating certain things. But obv she is ultimately closer to her dad. We rarely get the chance to do nice things all of us together, but I totally get what you are saying and think perhaps I just want or crave that sort of family time. But sometimes that just isnt possible. You are right I think, I just need to let these things go. I would naturally just ask him and his DD or DS to come as well but perhaps I need to also rethink that

I think maybe on her special day she might want to just see the show with her dad. I think you can’t do other things together board games, family movie night go out for a pub meal etc and I don’t think your desire to have more family time is unreasonable but I wouldn’t crash a west end theatre show special event

Thanks, yes I think you're right. :)

Did you ask your DH if you and DD could tag along? I wouldn't make a 'thing' of it, it's nice that they are doing that together, but you could just check out what he says. As PP has said maybe if you want to try and do some things together, try and instigate some other things yourself that you think everyone would enjoy?

I think it's healthy to have a balance of doing things apart and together. I would think it was quite odd if DH took DSDs to a show he knew I wanted to see and I wasn't invited. However, I would just ask my husband why. Can you not speak to your husband openly about this.

I have a blended family (his DC, my DC and our DC). I think it's really important to do things separately and make sure the children have their own time with their parent, though we do tend to ask if the other wants to come along etc.

It's kinda weird that you had to ask about plans. I don't have kids of my own but I'm a stepmum to 3. The 2 boys are 16 and 17. DH will go go-karting with them and wouldn't think to invite me as it's not really my thing but he would still tell me his plans.

My DH plays football most Saturdays so I usually plan something with my 5yo DSD. Even though DH isn't involved I'd still say "DSD and I are going to take gran out for lunch" or whatever our plans were.

I absolutely get wanting to do some things separately but the lack of communication is weird to me.

You say partner, how long have you been together, and do you live together? I think if he wanted you to join them he would have asked.

Could he ask his daughter what she wants to do and who she wants to invite? It's hard to figure out if she wants time with just her dad without asking her.
Sometimes single parents make assumptions about what their kids want and it's totally wrong!