Sorry it's long..
SD is 19 and off at uni.
Me and my now ex-husband are currently separated but living together. We share a younger child.
When SD was young her mother was not great, didn't bathe her, didn't feed her properly, didn't take her to school some days, would like to her regularly about even simple things.
We had her 3 nights a week every week and I worked hard to protect her from her mum's lies, bigged up her mum where needed and did my best to give her everything, the clothes she wanted (her mum's choices she hated), got her into ballet (it was her dream), encouraged her to read (she owned 2 books when we all moved in together) and now she's an avid reader.
Over the years I have struggled with my mental health. I've not been a perfect step parent, I have made bad judgements, and have sometimes not been great with her. I've never physically harmed her.
She has claimed to her dad that I have gaslit her. I won't deny that because maybe I have unintentionally. I will carry that guilt and am going to therapy to understand what makes me who I am.
Anyway. He told me a few months ago that she doesn't want to speak to me. She refuses to come home and will stay elsewhere when back from uni.
I have tried to contact her and get ignored. She's been in the house today packing up her belongings. She shut me down even when I said hello and asked how she is.
She is a very sensitive soul, very anxious and very studious.
So what do I do?
Do I just close it down in my mind and go NC if that's her wish?
Do I keep trying?
15 years of being her step parent isn't easy to throw away in my mind.
I just feel that I am being blamed for all of her issues and her mother and other people are forgiven, or their errors not acknowledged.
(I fully expect a thrashing btw... )