Me and my partner Been together for nearly 7 years. He moved into my 2 bed with me and my 2 daughters. My eldest 23 has moved out and has her own children now, my youngest just turned 20 and started full time work and saving for car etc.
Partners 26 year old son moved in after his mother kicked him out as she wanted more money. I agreed he could move in with us to save. I didn't stupidly put a timeframe on this..he has been with us for 6 months. We told him that he didnt have to pay rent but had to save money and pay for his own food just as my daughter does. He works...a job I helped him do the application for...he travels there via a car that I paid half towards and the tax for 2 years...not a mention of a thank you for the tax..I had to help him set up a new direct debit for him to take over payment for the tax or I would of kept paying it as he never mentioned it.
He works early and late shifts. When on earlies he comes back and sleeps hours before waking and getting on laptop (gaming) for hours rarely eats...rarely buys food just sweets and crap. When on lates he stays in bed most of the day till he needs to go work. He was sleeping on the couch and I complained to his dad that I couldn't do anything as the living room is the only communal space with kitchen off it in our tiny 2 bed house. So he told his son to be up in the morning my 10am. This happened for a while and then only when his dad was about...I mentioned this to his dad and he bought him a camp bed...now he sleeps when he wants with life going on around and me having to shuffle passed the camp bed to get to the kitchen during the day or late afternoon. His dad says nothing....when I said to him discreetly...you sleep alot his dad defends him by saying that he used to come home and sleep when he worked early shifts too years ago!
I can't say anything to step son his dad says he is sensitive!!. Not so sensitive when I asked him 5 times Christmas day to finish his game as I wanted to set table for Christmas Dinner and he got up and raised his voice with the strop as I had interrupted his game. He doesn't talk to me ...I find it disrespectful..his dad s excuse is "he doesn't speak to me either" but he does I hear him, just when I'm not there. Everytime he needs a towel for the shower for example he will ask his dad I will be next to his dad..yet, he can't ask me direct even though his dad has to ask me if there are clean towels!
He is like a man child ..he has been asked to put his washing in a washing bag and he has been told 10 times but still hasn't got it!!! He continues to leave his dirty clothes in a pile stuffed down the side of my dining room table...he has sort of owned this area as that's where he sits to paly his gaming laptop.
He doesn't help...I can empty dishwasher clean the sink and he will still leave a plate and cup in the sink unwashed.
His work boots smell, he has been told to put slippers on or change his socks when he comes in but hits like he forgets everything he is told ....but still puts his feet on the coffee table and on the sofa .
I can't say anything as I will be picking on him. And quite honestly how many times do you make a simple request to an adult before they get the message and do it...he gets the hump if hes asked to do anything I dont touch any of it anymore...it builds up now or my partner will do it for him. If i ask why, he will get defensive. So I just deal with it and its made me resentful!
My partner has taken to comparing him to my daughter who has just turned 20...she asks my for nothing, she has nit had a car from me and is able to manage her own savings...I am not expecting to move out just yet, and, this has been her home from birth. There is nearly 7 years difference!
Step son was not saving as agreed (he was meant to give his dad money each week to save) so, he agreed to getting him a laptop on finance as stepson couldn't get the finance himself as long as he paid that and gave his saving money....this has peeved me as now this is all he does and he doesn't leave the house now because of it , and, it's extra money that he could of had saved ..my partner thinks it's helping him but I think it's treating a 26 year old like a child.
I've told my partner that I give step son a year to move out... he has agreed. But I can see our relationship going south in that time. He is subconciously allowing his son to be disrespectful, his son shows know appreciation and he has no regard for social cues ...we have had no time to ourselves. I lost my mother only a couple of months ago and have not had the space to be myself to greive...on the day of her funeral after preparing step sons clothes and buying him some boots he fell asleep among the hassle and bustle of everyone getting ready to go and didn't bother coming...and said nothing to me on my return nor did his dad say anything to him (he hadn't been working, I honestly don't think he was asleep, I don't think he wanted to go but didn't say)
I'm just his dad's girlfriend...nothing else to him. I have stopped doing anything for him since how he spoke to me Christmas day. But feel partner has let all rules slide as well like washing pile and sleeping...I couldn't have anyone pop over to see me.
I am home all day as I am disabled with psoriatic arthritis and I struggle alot at the moment...just him offering a cup of tea or to take the rubbish out would be something but as long as his dad's gonna do for him and say nothing then he is never gonna use his an initiative I feel.
It's either gonna be a long year, I will break or my relationship will break...any advice appreciated