Anxious about NY with SD

[Anuta77]

SD is 17 and we have a fairly good relationship. She normally comes EOW unless she has other plans. Never stays with us on vacation or any extra day.

Typically her mother always wanted her for the New year party, as they were having one with her best friend. Her mother and that friend love partying and dancing and I can imagine that it was fun. Anyway, days would be rearranged to fit this into the schedule so SD would always end up with us on Xmas which her mother doesnt celebrate. Xmas is just a dinner, so there was no pressure for it to be fun.

Last year, her mother left on vacation with her boyfriend and since SD couldnt be alone for a week, she had no choice than staying with us on New years eve (her words). We have a young child, so we dont do parties and typically just have a dinner and champagne. None of our friends are available on NY anyway, so its just us. Last year, I tried to buy fireworks and have some wish making ritual. I cooked a nice meal. SD basically went on her phone after the meal, then started having Facetime with her boyfriend right before midnight and because of that we missed the countdown and the fireworks. She was visibly dissapointed and embarrased about how we did it too late and said that it was the worst NY of her life. It obviously made me feel bad.

Well, this year her mother is leaving on vacation with her boyfriend again. SD is spending Xmas with her own chinese boyfriend whose family never celebrated Xmas until now, so she will end up on NYs eve with us again. And Im feeling anxious. I know she will not be with us because she wants it, but because she doesnt have anywhere else to go. I feel like I have to invent something for her to not be bored and I hate this pressure. My DP is not good organizing anything and that is one of the reasons why we never really do anything fun.

Any advice is welcome.

I wish I had some actual advice, OP. Honestly, I don't know why you're taking this pressure on yourself when her own Dad isn't bothered about doing it.

Has she no friends? Why can't she spend NY with her boyfriend?

Do whatever you want. It clearly won’t be good enough for her whatever you do.

I’d do the same as last year with the fireworks it sounds great but if she is on the phone at midnight oh well she misses out!! The world and time doesn’t stop because a teenager is on the phone!!

NYE is overrated anyway

Could you play board/card games? If she misses midnight that’s her bad luck. Do the countdown together with dh.

Does she not have any friends? I've got teenagers and we don't do much for NY as we're more into Christmas. We just watch the fireworks on TV, but if my teenagers weren't happy with that they'd hang out with friends. They shouldn't require step mum and dad to arrange their social life at 17!

Her mum has left her to it, her dad hasn't come up with any bright ideas, she's old enough to arrange something with her own friends, stop making it your problem.

She asked to spend the Xmas with her boyfriend. I also think that she would have more fun with him as they live in a big city and could go out, see fireworks or something. She apparently doesnt remember how bad it was at our house last year.

I agree that its overrated, I personally dont care about it too much, nor does her father, but I cant get rid of this pressure because her mother loves parties and show offs and I guess they do this big countdown and I feel like we are too boring.

Since she was so rude and ungrateful last time, ask her what she would like to do instead. I'm not faulting her too much as she's at that age. Most likely anything you do will be wrong (really normal, my DD same age is like that maybe worse!) But if she chooses then she can't complain. Actually she probably will anyway. I wouldn't stress it. Try to have a sense of humor about it and don't pressure yourself.

Maybe in UK things are different, but where I live, it seems that at this age, the teenagers are still with parents. I have an almost 16 year old and hes with us most of the time (but live in a small suburn and there isnt much to do). Friends just sit at home too and they communicate online.

SD has friends, they do things here and there, but most of the time she seems to be home. She does a lot of things with her mother, her live-in boyfriend and his family too.

When my children were young we either had a quiet night in or got babysitters and we spent new year with friends. When dc got to around 14 they spent new year with their friends.

Now we have adult dd and we all spend new year at ours having drinks, playing board games and seeing new year in.

I'd do some nice food and drink, play some music. Suggest a game if that's your thing then wish each other a happy new year at midnight.

I empathise with your anxiety OP but it's only one night really and there is too much pressure on NYE any way.

Could you manage her expectations by saying - "Anything in particular you want to do NYE? It will really just be us here like last year (remember when you moaned hint hint!) ok maybe don't say that last bracket part! But just remind her what you do. Could she invite a friend or two?

But honestly wouldn't stress too much, it's just one evening and will soon be over! Drink some champagne and try and relax 😎

I would just do what I'd usually do (I wouldn't bother with fireworks if they're just for her and she doesn't care) & let DSD know the plan.

She'll likely be on the phone with her boyfriend anyway so try not to stress about it as it sounds like it won't be appreciated anyway!