I have been with my partner almost 15 years. During that time his daughter tried to become a social media influencer with posts that defamed and disowned him with lies. This recurs since childhod. She apologises he forgives but she never corrects the story. Recently I confided I feel unable to confide in him because of his trust in her. He adores her and only has true measure of her when she is not in touch. She returns when life challenges her. Now she is an adult, am I unreasonable to think he should maintain boundaries with her and respect our relationship and my feeling more empathically? He cannot even tell people her name and had to change his after first postings when she got some press attention. We live in a different country from her so all contact between them is online or phone and when he tries to visit her she finds excuses or goes no contact.
Ultimately I am losing respect for him because he allows her lies to go unchallenged and even said once he would say posts were true to protect her. Despite medical and flight and job records and court papers that could prove otherwise . She is, despite being an adult financially dependent on her mother which some suggested is at heart of problem and its possible it's classic parental alienation. At other times he seems bullied and fearful, both of her being in his life or of challenging her. He admits he is happier when she is not in touch but I think he really means settled; contact seems to put him into swings of highs and lows. I have no benchmark for this and friends tell him he is stuck in abusive relationship with her. But he gets angry with me if I suggest that, but only when they are in touch. He accepts that possibility when they are not. Its tragic she posts so much positive about other family but maintains pretence he is not in her life while he waits for crumbs of attention from her table. I feel angered by it and the impact on our lives, also the anxiety that by some fluk she might achieve her aim and he (we) would be stuck with the reputations damage she has done.