Christmas Day drop-off

[Tralalalaaa123]

DSS 14 has just said to DH that he wants to be at ours Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning. Previously DH and I had agreed we wouldn’t do handovers on Christmas Day as it’s a bit rubbish for everyone having to run their day on someone else’s timetable with lunch times etc.

DSS mum has said she cannot pick up. We also have a 3-year-old DD and are hosting DH parents and mine.

AIBU to really not want DH disappearing for over an hour round trip to drop DSS back? Would be very happy for him to be with us all day, but I really hate Christmas Day being interrupted.

For context DSS wasn’t with us last year but was the year before. Before that has always been with mum (things changed after we had DD).

YABU

It's an hour from the day, put yourself in DSS shoes who has to move between houses on Christmas Day, or DH that misses out on dinner wine because he has to drive- all you have to is be without your DHs company for one measly hour.

Imagine a scenario in a few years where you and DH have separated and are sharing custody. If your daughter asked to be with you on Christmas Eve and part of Christmas Day, and you were lucky enough that her other parent agreed without any aggro, would you honestly say "no sorry, DD, you can't come here for Christmas because it's inconvenient to leave the house for an hour despite there still being 5 adults in the house to take care of one small child and entertain themselves/each other for 60 minutes".

Give your head a wobble. Of course you are being unreasonable. And if your husband is a good dad he won't hear a bar of it.

This.

Why can’t his mum picks him up? That would be the decider for me.

There are going to presumably be 5 adults in the house while your DH is out. Between you all I’m sure you can manage to cook a lunch and look after one toddler. Hosting the day doesn’t mean you do everything, make the guests pitch in and you won’t even notice DH has popped out.

Yabvu. It's only an hour. Hardly a lot and it means dss gets to spend Xmas morning with his dad. Sounds like you want to refuse so that he doesn't come at all.

An hour is really short. Until dc said they wanted to stay at one house we used to always do split Christmas Days, 2.5 hour round trip. It was what was best for the kids so it's just what happened. This is what your DSS has asked for, and I really doubt your DD is going to have Christmas ruined by having her Dad gone for 1 hour out of the day, especially when she has 2 sets of grandparents over. YABU.

Wow, if I was your DH I would be incredulous that that was your opinion. And think less of you for thinking it, let alone saying it. You have your own child and family for the day. But he should not have the joy of his own child because he'll be out the house for an hour? I can't imagine anyone thinking that your opinion could be reasonable. And he certainly shouldn't have to do you a favour for you to agree.

Why would this be the decider? It's in his mum's interests to say no pick up, then she gets him all day as he won't go. It's in his dad's interests to run him, then he gets part of the day with him. This is assuming everyone wants him, which I would hope is the case!

Decider? Over whether one parent gets Christmas morning with their child? The decider would be whether I would want to be in a relationship with someone selfish.

@fifteenfifty

If the dad picks up the his son on Christmas Eve, it is very much in the mums interests to pick him up, as he will already be at his dads house.

YABU. Of course he wants to see both of his parents on Xmas day.

Just explain that it's too difficult to drop him back, as you're preparing/cooking and hosting. Offer him boxing day, see if he want to open his presents that day and stay for Xmas buffet.

I’d rather be the one doing the lift than left with all that at home. I’m all for trying to makes things work for my DSD but no i wouldn’t be keen on that.

Wow @fifteenfifty

How to misread something.

I think an hour is fine. You'll have others to entertain the 3yo or send them with daddy

Is there a reason why his mother can’t do a half-way pickup/drop off?

If DSS Mum has said she cannot pick up her son (do we know why, does it not suit her) and Dad cannot drop off his son, then DSS stays with whichever parent he is with until the day after Christmas. It's a simple solution.

His mother shouldn’t be thinking about what’s in her interests, nor should OP and her DH. They should all accept DSS wants to see both parents on Christmas Day and accommodate it.

If his mother doesn’t have a good reason for not picking up at least half way then she’s very unreasonable, but that said OP if it’s a choice between your DH being out for an hour, or DSS having to choose which parent he sees on Christmas Day, the answer is pretty glaring.

We do this, it's a pain in the arse but it's not forever and if means the dc hey go see both parents on Christmas Day then I don't see the issue. It's only an hour after all

I think YABU it's an hour.

It's only an hour... I wouldn't get him to take the younger one either! Let them have some time just the two of them.

Tbh now I have calmed down I think it will be ok. It just touched a nerve of us always having to do things that suit DH ex (ie 80% pick-ups and drop-offs, and always making things work to her schedule with very little consideration for ours).

As I said I’d be very happy for him to have the joy of his DC all day.

Yes I agree, that’s what we’ll do.

Also for context the grandparents are arriving on the day, not there already.