Pick ups and drop off

[Vaveen088]

I been needing some advice. I have a 16yr step kid that solely lives with us and both parents go work so they don't have time to drop of and pick him up from school, or even the same with games..

So as a step mom I do what I can to make it work so he can attend his games however sometimes I feel slightly overwhelmed picking sk from school, then heading straight to a game on the opposite slide of town that goes on for 2 hours along with a 2 year old and 5 year old with me

some days I don't get back till late which also messes up with sleep schedule, dinner and so on for the little ones. Now I have options to drop him off and go home but by the time I go home I have to pretty much go right back out and believe me driving around for something to do is no ideal of fun I do my best to kill time untill he finishes games ...

I asked my partner if there is anyone to help drop him or pick him up so that I don't have to wait around ... But my partner said there is no one to do this during that time frame am not sure if I sound rude but sometimes I just want to go home it's a lot doing this 3 times a week and I told partner it's your duty to communicate with bio mum since they want him to play so bad but have no input in helping out with pick up and drops offs and have the mind set of the step mom can deal with his affairs I know he is a kid and am trying but It can be alot sometimes

Nobody is controlling me nor my partner is abusive I just have a habit of not saying No and I have started to say No alot more ....I just feel since bio mom can't pick him I am like the next one to be reached out to however I am looking for a bus system so he can get home since people rely on me and not make a effort to reach out to the ones who suppose to be doing it

Thank you ..I was very miserable at first as I have a problem not saying no but I have stood my ground and made it clear to my partner he will have to figure it out so now I am being blamed because two parents can't pick their child ...

Them both blaming you is bullying, pure and simple.

Well done for standing up for yourself.

They know well what a pain in the ass all this dropping and collecting is and hanging around and THEY do not want to bother.

Easier to bully you than to step up.

I feel very sorry for you.

They both are determined to use you.

Doing those type of runs with young children are a nightmare and not fair on them.

Your partner doesn't care that its hard for you and the children, all he cares about is that he doesn't have to do it himself.

This is what user loser parents do.

He thinks HE is the boss of you and gets to control your time.

A common theme on MN when it comes to step parents.

You mind yourself and your children because he certainly won't.

Good men do not bully their partners.

Of course you have a right to say no.
One of the most important lessons I've learned in this forum is that you shouldn't be doing more than DSS's parents are doing for him because then you are in territory of being used. End off.

Step back, let them sort it if it's so important. This is what you would do for your Children, right? Why his dad isn't looking at public transport options, why are you doing it?

Don't let them bully you. This is what toxic people do when you start setting boundaries. Someone healthy would simply accept it and make necessary changes. Toxic person would blame you, would call you unreasonable, cold, selfish and all sorts to get you back in line.

Op I was you a while ago, I struggled to say no and wanted to be nice to everyone, you know, because it's nice to be nice. I tolerated a lot, justified and forgave a lot but totally overlooked how disrespectful it was to myself. I've started educating myself about boundaries, people pleasing and toxic behaviours. It was an eye opener.

So I bet your DH is saying because you’re a SAHM, and he’s bringing the money in, then you should be doing the pick ups etc. No you shouldn’t. Parents should be getting off work earlier to collect him, or telling him to get public transport. You shouldn’t have to sit around for hours entertaining two young boys, then they are late for dinner and bed. Once a week would be a stretch, but 3 times? He’s having a laugh. He can try and arrange a lift or get the bus.

If your marriage is going to fall apart based on this then you’ve got much bigger problems going on

I am looking for a bus system so he can get home

Let his parents find a bus solution - or he can at 16. All three of them sound like they just default to you on wife work.

The child is 16.

If his parents will not drop him off and pick him up then he is old enough to sort it out himself.

I have friends whose parents worked and they did sports. If they were unable to get public transport they arranged it with team/club mates to be picked up and dropped off near their homes. Some had to do this from 10 years old.