To ask about kids with big age gaps…

PomPomBear88 · 2023-10-22T10:16:07+00:00

Hi! Wasn’t too sure where to post this so ended up here. I have a 12 year old step son and a 3 year old daughter. My question is does anyone with a similar age gap let the younger one(s) watch the same as the older child(ren)? thanks! :)

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BertieBotts · 22/10/2023 11:20

Surely it totally depends what they are watching? Some things a 12yo wants to watch will be fine for a 3yo, some absolutely not!

Laurdo · 22/10/2023 11:27

Would totally depend. A Disney movie sure but some other things wouldn't be appropriate. We have a 5yo and 2 16yos. They generally want to watch different things anyway.

Original poster

PomPomBear88 · 22/10/2023 11:42

Absolutely agree in regards to it depending on the movie. I should’ve made my post a bit clearer. SS loves the Marvel action packed films and I’m not so sure about her watching them as they’re quite violent but partner and I seem to somewhat disagree about it and it’s difficult because I don’t want to be one coming across as looking like a witch either by asking SS to watch something else as he gets upset by it or taking daughter away to another part of the house as she enjoy his company.

OP posts:

Laurdo · 22/10/2023 12:29

I assume DD goes to bed before SS. Why not wait until she's in bed then have a movie night with SS? Watch an age appropriate movie with DD as a family, she goes to bed then Marvel movie can go on.

RantyAnty · 22/10/2023 12:59

PomPomBear88 · 22/10/2023 11:42

Absolutely agree in regards to it depending on the movie. I should’ve made my post a bit clearer. SS loves the Marvel action packed films and I’m not so sure about her watching them as they’re quite violent but partner and I seem to somewhat disagree about it and it’s difficult because I don’t want to be one coming across as looking like a witch either by asking SS to watch something else as he gets upset by it or taking daughter away to another part of the house as she enjoy his company.

Of course you don't let 3 a year old watch violent movies. It damages them.

Leave those types of shows for the evening after 3 year old goes to bed.

Khvdrt · 22/10/2023 13:04

We’ve got a teen and young ones; our teen can’t watch 12 and above films with the younger ones around. Probably a lot of marvel fall into that

Thesearmsofmine · 22/10/2023 13:06

My 12 year old watches his programmes when his younger siblings are in bed.

aSofaNearYou · 22/10/2023 13:09

Laurdo · 22/10/2023 12:29

I assume DD goes to bed before SS. Why not wait until she's in bed then have a movie night with SS? Watch an age appropriate movie with DD as a family, she goes to bed then Marvel movie can go on.

Yes we do things like this.

Occasionally my DP is inclined to let DSS dominate the TV and it irritates me tbh - we had years of watching nothing but Paw Patrol etc for his sake, to my mind it's DD's turn now, we should be finding something everyone can enjoy. He gets to pick something more grown up when she's gone to bed.

I wouldn't worry too much about the inappropriate content of something like that though, they'll probably just ignore it as it won't capture their attention.

FloweryName · 22/10/2023 13:14

You don’t need to allow your dd to watch things that are unsuitable but nor should you expect your step son not to watch things that are appropriate for his age and provide a bonding experience with his dad. He shouldn’t have to have a three year old around the whole time

This needs better planning. Either plan a movie night to happen for your ss while your dd is having a bath and getting ready for bed, or plan another exciting activity for your dd to do in another part of the house that she will want to do more. Or find movies that the ss wants to watch that are also suitable for the 3yo. You don’t have to come across like a witch, you just have to find a way to keep everyone happy.

Original poster

PomPomBear88 · 22/10/2023 13:56

I appreciate everyone’s responses. I’ve had numerous conversations with DP with near enough all of these suggestions and DP does seemingly agree with what I’m saying but when DSS stays things remain the exact same. DSS dominates tv whilst staying and 9 times out of 10 I’m having to whisk toddler away for most of the day because DP is happy with SS movie choice and I don’t want to make SS feel uncomfortable by saying he can’t do something when DP has gave him the okay on it.

It would be nice to actually be in the same room as a family for a majority of the day so will have stronger words with DP later this evening.

OP posts:

aSofaNearYou · 22/10/2023 14:00

What would happen if you dominated the TV instead? I'd just do that before he arrived.

pinkyredrose · 22/10/2023 14:04

Take the plug off the tv.

pinkyredrose · 22/10/2023 14:05

It's your house too. You don't have to ask your DP, just take the remote and change the channel.

Laurdo · 22/10/2023 14:12

PomPomBear88 · 22/10/2023 13:56

I appreciate everyone’s responses. I’ve had numerous conversations with DP with near enough all of these suggestions and DP does seemingly agree with what I’m saying but when DSS stays things remain the exact same. DSS dominates tv whilst staying and 9 times out of 10 I’m having to whisk toddler away for most of the day because DP is happy with SS movie choice and I don’t want to make SS feel uncomfortable by saying he can’t do something when DP has gave him the okay on it.

It would be nice to actually be in the same room as a family for a majority of the day so will have stronger words with DP later this evening.

Your DP needs to stop Disney dadding with his DS and treat both his kids fairly.

Original poster

PomPomBear88 · 22/10/2023 14:12

in the past I have done this for a very short period but I just felt absolutely awful for it as DSS will usually move himself away from me and go very quiet like there’s something really wrong and then DP will ask what’s wrong and at first he’ll saying “nothing” and then after a while of DP prompting him he will silently point at the tv. Once he has control of the tv again he’s back to his normal self. It’s an awful feeling. Want us all together like a family but he just seems so unhappy unless he’s watching something he wants to and 9 times out of 10 it just won’t be appropriate to suit everyone. It’s difficult because DP actions comes across like he doesn’t see a problem with anything I’m saying but during conversation seems to agree. Sigh!

OP posts:

Laurdo · 22/10/2023 14:36

PomPomBear88 · 22/10/2023 14:12

in the past I have done this for a very short period but I just felt absolutely awful for it as DSS will usually move himself away from me and go very quiet like there’s something really wrong and then DP will ask what’s wrong and at first he’ll saying “nothing” and then after a while of DP prompting him he will silently point at the tv. Once he has control of the tv again he’s back to his normal self. It’s an awful feeling. Want us all together like a family but he just seems so unhappy unless he’s watching something he wants to and 9 times out of 10 it just won’t be appropriate to suit everyone. It’s difficult because DP actions comes across like he doesn’t see a problem with anything I’m saying but during conversation seems to agree. Sigh!

He needs to learn that the whole world doesn't revolve around him. Letting him have his own way every time he sulks isn't sending the right message and you'll probably end up with bigger problems as he gets older and used to having things his own way.

aSofaNearYou · 22/10/2023 14:40

PomPomBear88 · 22/10/2023 14:12

in the past I have done this for a very short period but I just felt absolutely awful for it as DSS will usually move himself away from me and go very quiet like there’s something really wrong and then DP will ask what’s wrong and at first he’ll saying “nothing” and then after a while of DP prompting him he will silently point at the tv. Once he has control of the tv again he’s back to his normal self. It’s an awful feeling. Want us all together like a family but he just seems so unhappy unless he’s watching something he wants to and 9 times out of 10 it just won’t be appropriate to suit everyone. It’s difficult because DP actions comes across like he doesn’t see a problem with anything I’m saying but during conversation seems to agree. Sigh!

Well this is tough, really, he needs to learn to share. If you had two siblings full time, you wouldn't let one of them have their way all the time just because they'd sulk otherwise.

Original poster

PomPomBear88 · 22/10/2023 14:53

Exactly this. Just really difficult because if DP doesn’t allow SS to do the stuff he wants when he wants to then he tends to claim that he doesn’t feel part of the family and therefore doesn’t come around. It’s tough.

OP posts:

MeridianB · 22/10/2023 15:14

No one should be dominating the TV all day/evening.

Does your DP never take his son out?

Raisinganiguana · 22/10/2023 15:17

Marvels are 12 and 15 so not suitable for a 3 year old. My 8 yr old loves them but there’s some she’s not allowed to watch still as violent

Laurdo · 22/10/2023 17:42

PomPomBear88 · 22/10/2023 14:53

Exactly this. Just really difficult because if DP doesn’t allow SS to do the stuff he wants when he wants to then he tends to claim that he doesn’t feel part of the family and therefore doesn’t come around. It’s tough.

Well either you explain to him that part of being in a family is considering everyone else in it and taking turns or you continue to let him have his own way and be stuck with this issue for years.

Allthorpe100 · 22/10/2023 20:15

Marvel isn’t the worst tbh. It does have fighting but its not gorey really. Your toddler probably wont take any notice. If you don’t feel comfortable just say he has to watch when toddler is in bed or tell him to watch it in his room

Houseconundrum · 22/10/2023 22:07

I think rather than just taking the remote, as has been suggested upthread, you might get a better response if you involve him in choosing something else. I get it might feel a bit awkward initially but you can just say kindly, "oh, sorry DSS, this movie isn't really suitable for DD. Could we maybe pick a film we can all watch because I know she would love to spend some time cuddled up watching something together with you but this one is just a bit too old for her". I have an 11yo SS and a 2 1/2 year old and so have had to have this same conversation and although to begin with I felt awkward saying it, now I don't have any problem saying when it's not appropriate for DD and it's a non-issue now.

RantyAnty · 23/10/2023 01:42

PomPomBear88 · 22/10/2023 14:53

Exactly this. Just really difficult because if DP doesn’t allow SS to do the stuff he wants when he wants to then he tends to claim that he doesn’t feel part of the family and therefore doesn’t come around. It’s tough.

Good grief. Don't let this kid guilt trip and manipulate everyone. He really will survive being told no.