AIBU ex wants more money

[MalonsMilk]

The situation regarding my partners ex wife is a long one and I don’t want to give anymore details than necessary but here goes.

my partners ex wife has been threatening to call in solicitors over wanting more money. They did a quick divorce and never signed a clean break. They had no assets or savings and that was that. She has since got remarried and appears to live a very extravagant lifestyle but hey it’s her money. We see daughters once every other week but she keeps saying that they don’t want to come and they will not be coming, she has also forced one of the daughters into saying that she wants to change gender - we think in an attempt for us to disown her which we would never do. The daughter has said that she was made to do this but she wasn’t sure why either - this daughter also has learning difficulties and says she still wants to come to us.

Anyway, we pay money through CM without fail (a bit more actually) and was wondering how she could ask for more money when we are doing everything above board? I guess we won’t know until a letter pops through our letter box but I was curious on what she could allege.

Does she think your partner is hiding assets/earnings? Is he?

If the children aren't coming then I guess CMS calculation would be recalculated based on 0 nights with you. Don't see what else she'd be chasing.

He is hiding nothing about his income from her as he is an employee so it all gets worked out through cms.

I can only think that she will ensure the children don’t come to us anymore but a solicitor wouldn’t be needed for that surely.

If the financial side was never concluded in the divorce could she want some of your shared house or similar? Batshit.

Unless she gets the courts involved ignore. How old are the children? Can you communicate with them independently of the ex?

As she’s remarried can’t see any chance of her reopening the divorce settlement.

They never owned property or anything together and the house is in my name anyway 😂

i have reason to believe that she can’t really claim anything as she is now remarried anyway apart from pensions and they were only married for a year so I don’t think that would go in her favour.

the children are monitored at all times and anything that is said to them is reported back to by the children or they sat down and asked about all conversations or they have to speak via speaker phone or texts are checked etc. I said that it was a very long story.

Is there a reason your dp/dh had a once every other week arrangement to see his children? It's not very often. Maybe that's a contributing factor in why they are less include to come?

In many cases the CM stipulated is a token amount that wouldn't even come close to providing for a child.
He needs to try to see them more, if you mean once every two weeks it's nothing really.
Can he get some sort of intervention set up, to find out what's going on?

Let her go to a solicitor. She'll just be wasting her own money.

We're in a similar situation. My DH has a court case on this week because his ex is trying to claim money from the sale of DHs house. They split over 3 years ago and were never married. He's self representing so it doesn't cost him anything.

Depending on the kids ages it might be worth arranging mediation and discussing her trying to turn the kids against your DP. If it continues take her to court and have a court order put on place so she can't stop the kids from seeing him. It sounds like they want to see him and she's just trying to be difficult.

Sorry not sure if I was clear enough but we have them over every other weekend - not just a day and they live a distance from us so we couldn’t really pick them up from school or take them in the morning. We take them on holidays and have them during the school holidays. At present ex gets around £500 a month from my partner. We did used to have them once a week in school time but since they started secondary school it wasn’t possible and they would get home too late from us.

I am assuming she has run into some sort of financial difficulty and is using the children as collateral but I hate that the children are being punished by not being allowed or being turned against us. She was a controlling ex and isolated partner from friends and family under threat she would take the children and never allow him to see them. It has been fairly quiet for a good couple of years and now it has struck up again.

im hoping she wastes a lot of money in regards to solicitors fees!

Did the mum move away? Or the dad?

Surely as ling as he is paying the agreed CMS as a starting point, there isn't (unfortunately) much more she can ask for is there?

I see they are secondary age - does he give them pocket money too?

If they were not married then cms is the most she can claim.

However, as they were married, and the finances were not legally sorted out at the time, she absolutely legally can come after him for more money.

You need legal advice.

www.majorfamilylaw.co.uk/divorced-online-no-financial-order/

I thought as she had remarried then that means she can no longer claim. Plus I’m not sure what she can actually claim either. He still has no assets and she has just had a very large inheritance possibly coming through - I might add we don’t want any of it but would be prepared to threaten her with so that we can all just call it quits and get on with our lives. My partner and myself aren’t married btw and have our own child.

in response to pocket money they don’t get any from either side but we do give them money for food if they go out with friends or admission money etc. Money for kit for clubs that kind of stuff.

Sounds familiar! My DH exW has put in a claim with CMS after he and I got married (literally 24hrs after) She’s told a few lies to them about the situation, so is now under investigation herself.

My DH at the time of the divorce had a child arrangement order & financial order (he didn’t trust her) As his ex has been withholding contact/access with his kids (from emotional manipulation & bribery, through to monitoring messages) he’s going to enforce this via the courts to get overnights back with his children. She’s finally allowed him to see them during the day as he arranges this with his kids directly, but she’s refusing to honour the formal arrangement they had in place. (She’ll arrange trips with her family or will fake illness)

It would be worth your DP looking into something like this. It’s £230 roughly, but worth it to ensure and maintain access to his children. At the very least, it will force mediation.

Regarding claiming financial assets from your DP, despite no financial order, she’d struggle now she’s remarried:

• If you remarry, you could lose some or all rights regarding any subsequent attempt to claim from your former spouse, otherwise known as the ‘remarriage trap’. It can be preferable for parties to hold off on remarrying until a financial settlement has been finalised under a sealed Court order.

Thanks chunkychips23 very good advice regarding this. I have appreciated everybody.