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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

SD hygiene

14 replies

Dylls · 06/10/2023 21:09

Hi,

I wondered if anyone had worries about personal hygiene and DSC? My DSD is an adult and never washes her hands after using the toilet. I don't know whether I'm over reacting, but DH and I have 2 young children and they've been taught its important. Unfortunately when I talk to her about it, she lies and says she does & that her mum says she doesnt have to wash her hands. There are other issues which I'm ignoring, this is the only thing I ask and I think it's reasonable?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sprigatito · 06/10/2023 21:10

She's an adult? Mind your own business.

Original poster

Dylls · 06/10/2023 21:19

Was asking if it was reasonable or not and interested to hear views. My stance was she's living in mine and DH house and its basic hygiene? If general opinion is its none of my business I'll take that on board

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 06/10/2023 21:53

I’m surprised at how many women don’t wash their hands. I was in a school staff loo the other day and a member of staff flushed and then walked straight out. I’ve seen it in Tesco and M&S too. The Tesco lady then proceeded to squeeze several loaves of bread 🤢

whatchulookinatwillis · 06/10/2023 21:58

That's grim and something for her parent (your DP) to tackle.

He needs to teach her about personal hygiene and the detrimental effect it can have on your health if it's not adhered to.

You'd think living through the Covid era she'd have worked it out by now 🙄

LemonLimeDivine · 06/10/2023 22:28

It’s utterly grim. She’s an adult and should have grasped basic hygiene by now. Her parent needs to deal with it. You have the health of two young children to think about so it absolutely is your business.

theduchessofspork · 06/10/2023 22:29

Of course she should wash her hands.

Get your DH to talk to her, painting some scary picture of diseases little kids can get

and maybe buy some nice hand soap

SemperIdem · 06/10/2023 22:44

That is grim but actually surprisingly common. I often see women acting out washing their hands in public toilets, it’s bizarre.

Jennifer Lawrence once said in an interview she doesn’t wash her hands after a wee because she “doesn’t wee on her hands” 😑

My stepchildren’s mother has questionable hygiene practices and it is an endless battle trying to maintain basics like brushing teeth twice a day etc with them.

Original poster

Dylls · 07/10/2023 00:15

Thanks for your responses, it's helpful to know this isn't an unreasonable expectation. @DustyLee123 it's going to be a while before I buy fresh bread again 🤢
Since we became a family - over 10 years ago - I have really tried to encourage hand washing and explain why it's important. As I mentioned it really has been the only thing I asked. DH is in agreement and has a word with her but thats as far as it goes, she has never really been taught consequence unless I say something bluntly out of frustration, which doesn't go down well. @whatchulookinatwillis she did get better through covid, but it was short lived. I am really fed up with it now.

OP posts:

MeridianB · 07/10/2023 17:55

It’s disgusting and you’re right to call her out on it. How old is she and does she live with you?

MeridianB · 07/10/2023 17:57

Also, what kind of adult responds to anything with ‘my mum says I don’t have to’? She sounds really immature.

“That’s great…. At your mum’s house. But here we wash our hands.” 🤮

SparklingLime · 07/10/2023 18:02

Hang on, your DP has failed to address this adequately for the last ten years??

I'd say the ship has sailed. She's unlikely to change now. Why would she? Her parents have failed to parent her on this.

ArtAndMusic · 07/10/2023 18:03

How do you even know this? Does she not have privacy in the bathroom?

Original poster

Dylls · 07/10/2023 21:36

@SparklingLime DH has tried in his own way, his approach is a lot more laid back than me, as her DP he knows best how to deal with her. But she is very much of the mind if she doesn't want to do something, then she won't, no matter what her DP says. As you say ship's probably already sailed. There are a number of issues, this is the only one I've become frustrated with, its been made clear to me its not my place to deal with anything directly so i talk to DH with anything i think is concerning who then deals with it, hygiene is important so I can't leave it.
@ArtAndMusic yes she does have privacy, when we are in public toilets she just walks out the cubicle and straight to the exit. If I'm working in the office next to the bathroom I hear a flush and immediately the door opens its pretty obvious - by the way not listening out for it just very hard to ignore in our house when you're next door to the bathroom and its quiet in the house because I'm WFH and youngest DC are at school.
@MeridianB shes not a teenager any more. Which is what I find difficult, because there is the fact that shes an adult and should make her own decisions, albeit its mine and DH house so we set the rules

OP posts:

SparklingLime · 08/10/2023 00:18

DH has tried in his own way, his approach is a lot more laid back than me, as her DP he knows best how to deal with her.

its been made clear to me its not my place to deal with anything directly so i talk to DH with anything i think is concerning who then deals with it, hygiene is important so I can't leave it.

Between these two statements you've been put in a shit position. DH is ineffective, and you've been told it's not your place to intervene.

Well it is your place to ensure the safety of your own DC, even if DH can't quite manage to get effective about that either.

You do sound tolerant to the point of powerless.

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