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A vent

8 replies

Hadenoughbringmechocolate · 05/10/2023 18:51

Background- have a late teens SD; been with my DH since she was 3. Was not OW, DH was divorced from BM. BM has a very long history of batshit behaviour (not just towards me, also DH and his family). BM made it very clear that I was not to 'overstep' my role- never have, never wanted to. Despite all the terrible behaviour from her towards me and DH, and drip feeding poison into SD ear - I have a good relationship (like Aunt / Niece) with SD. Have always tried to ensure she feels welcome, that our home is also her home, my family have been very inclusive of her, all good stuff. But I haven't ever tried to take on a mum role as a) she has a mum, b) she seems very happy with the dynamic we have, c) her BM would lose the plot.

Just when I thought I had moved on from all the 'noise' that goes along with stepparenting.. I am told that BM 'wishes me and SD had a closer relationship' and in her view I don't make enough effort. This is very clearly a dig at me. Why? I have no idea, haven't spoken to the woman in years.

Says the woman who used money to pay for botox rather than buy food for her child (that was a particularly awful discovery a few years ago). Bearing in mind my DH chose to pay the entire mortgage on the property they jointly owned up to SD turning 18 as BM used to threaten that she would move to the other end of the UK and take SD with her.. she worked full time and wasn't short of cash.

Not too much of a point to this- I have a great DH who does his best to ensure I don't have to deal with her nuttiness (and he has very little contact with her now). Just a vent. When does this shit end.

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ASCCM · 05/10/2023 19:29

I’m not sure it ever ends? They will always be batshit crazy. There isn’t t anything we can do about that!!

sounds like you’ve done everything you can , so my advice would be to ignore and live your life.

Hadenoughbringmechocolate · 05/10/2023 19:35

You're right, I need to go back to ignoring. Good head wobble 😀

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yogasaurus · 05/10/2023 19:40

Vent away, I have also accepted that DH’s ex will never go away and leave us alone. The batshittery will always be there. (Was not OW, she left him, I met him years later. This seems to really piss her off for no reason)

He‘s NC with her now over it, giving her any airtime at all was just feeding it.

She still sends emails and texts according to family, but she’s blocked, so she’s ranting to the void.

parcelpanic · 05/10/2023 20:30

Who's taking you that? She can go do one. She's just after your money

Hadenoughbringmechocolate · 05/10/2023 21:26

Would love to totally block her (and we will do- just finalising the house sale then should have relative freedom!)

I think the money point is part of it- he no longer pays her anything (as isn't due), he's happy as he's able to support SD directly. Ex is very unhappy about the tap being turned off. Might seem cynical but sadly this is all it ever was for her- has never taken her daughter away on holiday but takes numerous herself each year. Trash human being.

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FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 05/10/2023 22:31

I think you can safely say that whatever you do, she'd find a way to make you the bad guy. She didn't want you to overstep - so you didn't. Now she's 'sad and disappointed you don't have a closer relationship with daughter - oh please. My hubby has had to deal with a lot of this mind bending, goal post moving kind of shit, it's never really about what's best for the child and it will just exhaust you if you get sucked into it.
It sounds like you already know this OP but she can't win at a game she's playing by herself. So just ignore and don't get sucked in cause it's probably what she wants.

Laurdo · 06/10/2023 10:12

Just ignore the crazy bitch. It wouldn't matter what you did it would be wrong in her eyes. Don't take criticism off someone you'd never go to for advice.

My DSDs mum is exactly the same. Batshit! She goes from calling me DSDs main carer (as a dig at DH because I do the school run) to calling me the babysitter.

I'm glad you DSD is now at an age where you can cut her mum off and sounds like you'll be financially free from her very soon too. My DSD is only 5 so I have many more years of crazy to deal with. Thankfully my DH is amazing and has good boundaries.

Hadenoughbringmechocolate · 06/10/2023 10:39

Thank you all for responding, helps to know I'm not the only one (but equally wish we didn't have to deal with it!)

I like the idea of her not being able to play the game if no-one else joins in- shall do exactly this. Good luck with the batshittery all! Am going to have large glass of wine tonight and forget about it 😀

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