Miss Marple Investigates.....

[GLK97]

Hi, I am in need of advice, I have a 16 yr old SS who's life I have been in since the age of 5. Both Bio parents are amicable with each other and usually read from the same hymn sheet. We identified that SS could be on the spectrum which was confirmed this year he has ADHD and is neuro diverse, still behaves like a typical normal teenager. Over the past few months we noticed as a family on both sides he has been more secretive and hanging with undesirables but his choice which friends he wants to associate with we can only guide him. Now the lad gets an allowance from both parents, by all means no alot probably £200pm give or take the odd Xbox game. But this allows him to get around as we both live in separate towns and buy food/snacks, movies etc.... we noticed he has been spending more money than allocated to do things, and trust me the lad doesn't save, nor works for it. So... this is when Miss Marple enters the room aka me.... as a family we had a gut feeling, but not acted upon it, because 1 we don't get the truth from him (exceptional liar) and 2 do we really want to know... (what's that saying 'dont look for something if you dont want to know the answer') Well... yes I did want to know as it is not sitting well with me, and am not liking the route he is headed down, always go with your gut..... This week the lad went to mums for tea and decided to stay there, no problem usually his man bag is glued to home as is his xBox but both left at ours. I usually tidy his room up, dirty dishes etc... the man bag was on his chair and opened, so.... yea you guessed it... I looked inside, saw his ID and his bank card, also saw 2 other bank cards.... not in his name... and by using the wonderful FB search facilities identified who they belong to and they are not his friends or even associated to him/mum etc. Soooo I removed them. Do I speak to both parents and get the wrath because I snooped and ruptured the relationship I have with SS, or leave it as it is and see if he askes where they are as he will have some explaining to do..... I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I am having that gut feeling he has stole them and used them. WTH do I do.

You tell the parents

Might be fraud rather than theft:
https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/what-we-do/blogs/laundering-criminal-funds

Tell his parents, and please be aware that this could be something more complex than him having stolen the cards.

Thank you I would not have thought about the fraud aspect.

You 100% tell the parents. If they were stolen surely he would have used and dumped before they were blocked. Do you know the names on the card at all? Are they local?

Searching on FB, one is in the same town as his Mum's but unsure of the other, but it is an unusual name. He has OCD and saves his vapes and will not throw out his used vapes, part of me wants to believe he found the cards and kept them due to his OCD. If he had used them they would soon be blocked so why didnt he get rid of them.

I think it's highly unlikely he's just happened upon 2 bank cards. How many bank cards have you found just lying around recently?

I think you need to tell the parents and let them deal with it.

Also, why are you tidying a 16yos room?

Tell mum and dad. Let them act from there. He's 16 not a adult and not a child either.

He does need to explain how he got the bank cards period

I don’t get why his parents aren’t more engaged. He’s vaping, hanging out with undesirables and now potentially stealing. At 16. So many bad choices being ignored here. They need to step up.

No idea why a 16yo needs £200 per month, either. Time for a massive reset.

Am I behind the times? £200 per month pocket money? That’s more than some adults have left of their wages after bills !

My 16 year old got £40! That’s crazy.

@GLK97
Tell his parents and let them deal with the situation.

Regarding comments about the money we give him pays for the following - and unfortunately times have changed, weekly train fare between the two towns is £100pm which includes going to college, and £5 day to get food. All equates when you think about it. Also gives him responsibility to manage his own money, once the money is gone its gone.