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AIBU?

5 replies

katieb83 · 28/09/2023 21:37

My partner’s daughter is nearly 19, and lives with her Dad and I, although since she’s met her boyfriend, she’s only here a few times a week. My children, 5 & 10, live with us. She’s been repeatedly asked not to swear in front of them, vape around them or talk about things she shouldn’t in front of them, but this constantly falls on deaf ears. My eldest is quite an anxious little girl and StepD constantly “jokes” about dying of cancer and killing herself over every minor inconvenience. My youngest has ended up repeating swear words and inappropriate phrases in front in front of her Dad, which he’s raised as an issue with me. She called my youngest a “freak” tonight then said she was just joking and basically doesn’t understand why everyone just doesn’t lighten up. The list is endless, and we’ve previously had a sit down chat which ultimately didn’t do anything. The worst part for me is that she’s a TA at a special needs school so she manages not to swear, vape or be inappropriate all day around other people’s children, but can’t respect that I want the same for mine. I’m genuinely curious to know - am I right to be getting so annoyed?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DustyLee123 · 28/09/2023 21:56

Of course you’re right. Ask your DP if he’d be happy with her doing those things in front of his 5 & 10 year old kids.
You need to protect your kids from her.

Babyghirl · 29/09/2023 04:44

@katieb83
I have a feeling she's getting on like this for you and her dad to break up, like if she does this in front of your kids you will have enough and walk.its time to tell your dp if it continues you will have no choice but to end the relationship.

LemonLimeDivine · 29/09/2023 08:13

Of course you’re right to be concerned. As we see so frequently on here, your partner needs to grow a spine and deal with her behaviour. Your children need to be protected from this so she either behaves respectfully or she’s out. Does she pay rent?

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 29/09/2023 08:42

Yes agree with all above, your DP needs to deal with it so it's clear that neither of you are ok with it. If not, you've got to ask yourself how much DP has for you and your kids to allow this to continue?

user1492757084 · 03/10/2023 06:55

She's 19 and not welcome if she speaks like that or vapes etc in your home.
Have your partner spell out the house rules - similar to her workplace. If she can not abide, your partner needs to drive her home immediately.
It will only sink in to your partner when her behaviour sets off consequences for him as well - driving her home.

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