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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Really struggling atm

3 replies

bowiegene · 14/09/2023 17:40

It's my first time posting on here and I already feel guilty as hell! My current situation is, I'm married with a 3 year ds, 35 weeks pregnant with ppd and have a step son, 7 who has adhd. My husband also has adhd and i'm worried my ds is showing symptoms. From this you might be able to tell our current family dynamic can be difficult, tiring and stressful at times.
I guess I'm writing this to see if anyone else is in a similar situation, or just to get it off my chest and talk to other mums, because I don't have any mum friends and anyone to chat with about this. (hence the ppd)
We have ss with us twice a week and on those days there is constant arguing between myself and dh (never in front of kids) he is a very intelligent child and we have a good relationship but lately I'm finding it very difficult to deal with his behaviour. He is so disrespectful and rude, exhausting, argumentative, insanely hyperactive and just doesn't listen. He is also a good big brother, sweet and caring and such a little character. I guess I'm coming so close to giving birth I'm generally exhausted and stressed out and I have a shorter fuse than normal and his behaviour grates on me to the point I don't want to be at home when he's there, and I feel terrible and guilty for feeling that way. For instance, today he spat chewing gum in my face, broke ds electric quad bike jumping on it and throwing it into a wall, broke 2 tennis rackets, glued a measuring tape to the floor, and all the answering back, being defiant and not doing what he is told when you ask a million times.
I know the symptoms and the why of these behaviours but I'm really struggling with it atm. Can anyone else relate?

OP posts:
MeridianB · 14/09/2023 18:43

No experience of ADHD but offering a handhold.

Is this DSS’s usual behaviour? Does your DH parent him effectively and get expert advice on parenting techniques? What are the consequences for spitting gum at you, breaking things and not listening?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want some peace and quiet when you’re 35 weeks pregnant and would expect your DH to spend plenty of time taking DSS out and burning off energy. Does/can he do this?

aSofaNearYou · 15/09/2023 08:22

Gosh. It's hard to understand how he could fit the descriptor of "sweet and caring" at the same time as those behaviours.

How does his dad handle it? Does he allow you space from it or insist you must bottle your feelings and be heavily involved?

OnAir · 15/09/2023 08:54

aSofaNearYou · 15/09/2023 08:22

Gosh. It's hard to understand how he could fit the descriptor of "sweet and caring" at the same time as those behaviours.

How does his dad handle it? Does he allow you space from it or insist you must bottle your feelings and be heavily involved?

My dd has adhd. Struggles to sit still follow basic instructions and do as she's asked can be rude at times, but doesn't make her any less caring. She's very caring and empathetic but is also very impulsive and it gets on everyone's nerves at times. It's a difficult thing to accept and manage that this is how she is and it's not all her fault. Sometimes it's down right pre teen bitch bag other times she doesn't even notice she's doing it, a lot of the time it's hard to tell what's hormones, what's bitch bag and what's adhd symptoms. I'm also pregnant it's testing even when not pregnant.

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