Moments you realised you’d ‘made it’

[Badonde]

Been a stepparent for a few years to absolutely lovely kids. I feel the relationship should be organic and I think as time has gone on the ‘family’ feel has increased over time to the point it feels like a bio family.

I am very recently married and I do think it’s has increased the family bond.

My DSC have a stepdad who they’re known since very young so naturally he’s a father figure of sorts but I’ve not tried to force a mother figure on them obviously!

Me and the oldest - 13 - were discussing birthdays and he said he found it difficult remembering them and “especially when you’ve got four parents.”

🥺🥺🥺

Such a big moment for me that he sees me as a parent figure!

Share your watershed moments with me! ❤️

Ok I will bite.

Probably when my DSc came out to be about her sexuality. To me I wasn't shocked at all tbh but I was the first person she told (outside of her friends) and asked me how she thought I should tell her mum and dad - my advice in summary was when she felt comfortable and it didn't have to be a big thing shared some of my friends coming out experiences and you could see the weight of fear roll off her shoulders when she could see me like "all I want is you to be safe and happy whoever you chose and him or her would be lucky to have you"

She was expecting fireworks and I think I was bit like it doesn't matter to me in the slightest either way.

Her fear came from her worried what her v religious family would say (mums side) so I feel rather honoured she chose me to come out to.

@Badonde that's lovely OP:)

I became a step parent at 26. I had no previous experience around children but loved getting to know this bundle of chats and smiles my then 4 year old DSS.
I clearly remember the first time I felt a rush of protection for him. We were crossing the road and he was holding my hand. A car came speeding down the road and I pulled him to safety. I realised I would have thrown myself in front of him to stop him being hurt. It was such an overwhelming feeling of love and protection that I had never had before.
He is now a 6foot 2 bearded 27 year old and I would still hurl myself in front of a car to save him.
Such a lovely man he has become.
He has 4 "parents" all of whom love him. Obviously in different ways but he is surrounded by love.

Mothers day mug

Have 3 teen dscs. 2 fab aunt like relationship,

1 is good bad indifferent, hard work and more. At Xmas we all sat down for advent meat fest - new family tradition for us all. I had cooked difficult 1 favourite pudding - for once I did well! We finished the meal all laughing and content - she came up, gave me a hug( never before) and said thank you, I know you hate x pudding. YOu do know it would have been easier for me to continue hating you ff you had screwed up - has been almost detente since -still niggles but full on aggro much reduced.

I have been a step-parent for 5 years and not had that sort of moment yet. Doesn't feel close either. We all get along fine but they don't see me as a parent figure, nor even an auntie figure. I'd say my own DC don't think that about my DH (their step-dad) they just see him as a close 'adult' friend. We tend not to parent each other's children at all so that probably keeps that definition there.

And I think that's ok too.

I don't know where I slot for my DSc "other adult" who cares for her.

@uneffingbelievable well that's also a win with tensions being lower. You can't force these situations and it sounds like your doing your best.

I haven't had that moment either, sadly. Not with my stepkids. But my DD did tell my DH (her stepdad) that he'd been more of a father to her than her own dad had. It took her over 10 years and a lot of vodka to say it, but never mind!

When I was asked to be dscd godmother to her first child

When they wished me Happy mother's day. DSD made me a card and got me flowers and helped to make me breakfast in bed. I got loads of extra cuddles that day. She's also told some people that I'm her other mummy.

16yo DSS has recently had a light bulb moment and seen his narcissistic mother for who she really is. Since then he seems to be engaging more with me and even asked me if I'd teach him how to cook. It's apparent his mum has been badmouthing me and he's always been a bit standoffish because of that.

When my then 6 year old stepdaughter came out with '....and we are lucky because we have TWO mums...' whilst sitting in Maccies. Honestly my heart skipped a beat. They have a great mum and don't need two but it was still a lovely moment 😁

There's been some great moments along the way, but now that my eldest stepdaughter has progressed to 'moody argumentative teenager' I think it's a massive victory that no matter how much she thinks I'm being unreasonable, she has never, ever said "You're not even my real dad!" or anything to that effect.

(Possibly because she knows that he and I get on fine and I could just answer "we can call him and get his opinion if you like?" but still...)

When my 10 year old step son yelled 'I love you!' when leaving the house a few weeks ago for the first time.

When my 14 year old DSD has me included in her emergency contacts, when she calls me to talk through a problem with a friend, when she wants to 'hang out' and do things together. When she said that she would like for me and her Dad to marry to make things 'official'. When both kids make me a card for Mothers Day, which absolutely melts my heart.

I am not married to their Dad, but both kids call me their step mum, they trust me, i've always put their needs first and not forced myself on them. I am always saddened to hear the stories on this board about how difficult some people find it. I lucked out in that my step kids Mum has always been fully supportive of me in their lives, I know it would be very different if that wasn't the case.

I had two exceptionally terrible step parents who did everything 'wrong' in the book, so I knew exactly what not to do. It happened organically and as someone who wanted kids of my own, and who it didn't happen for, I absolutely treasure them.