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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Terrified that I will lose DSC forever :(

20 replies

Perfectlyblended · 16/08/2023 07:50

they have lived with us for 4 years ( pretty much their whole lives ) I Also have my own child from previous relationship and I am pregnant with their sibling. My DP recently passed away and life has turned upside down. Legally they are living with me still but the maternal family are fighting me via courts.
( previous contact has been 1-2 times a month in a contact centre supervised )
I can’t imagine waking up and DSC not being here :(

OP posts:

tescocreditcard · 16/08/2023 08:42

I'm sorry for your loss .

How old are they?

Thelonelygiraffe · 16/08/2023 10:42

I'm sorry for your loss.

Why was contact with their maternal family supervised?

Do you have a solicitor/have you taken legal advice? I think you need to do this.

💐

coodawoodashooda · 16/08/2023 11:14

I'm sorry for your loss too. Why are you fighting the court?

Laurdo · 16/08/2023 12:33

What an awful situation. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think given the circumstances, any court would not remove grieving children from the only home they know and from a step-parent who loves them and knows their routine etc. Removing them would be seriously damaging for the kids and they would essentially be losing 2 parents.

You definitely need to get a lawyer however.

YukoandHiro · 16/08/2023 12:34

You need a very good lawyer

Mia85 · 16/08/2023 12:35

Sorry for your loss and that you are in this awful situation.

When you say Legally they are living with me does that mean that you have a court order that currently says that the should live with you? Would you be able to say what kind of order and how it came about?

lunar1 · 16/08/2023 16:06

They arent using a contact centre for no reason. Get yourself a decent solicitor.

Goldbar · 16/08/2023 16:43

If you have been the primary carer (or one of the primary carers) to date and they have a sibling relationship with your child (and will have with the new baby), then I would have thought these are all very good reasons for not disturbing the status quo.

There is no presumption that blood relatives (or even biological parents) are necessarily the best people to bring up a child. Often they will be, but the court will make decisions based on the child's best interests. You need legal advice, but I would have thought they'd need a good reason to upset the status quo in relation to a grieving child.

Mayhemmumma · 16/08/2023 16:48

Surely if they've only been allowed supervised contact, moving them from their loving home would be very unlikely?

Sounds awful OP keep strong and I suppose keep in mind they are grieving too.

excelledyourself · 16/08/2023 18:05

I've no advice, but I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have so much to contend with, especially while pregnant.

I hope you have good friends and family supporting you.

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 16/08/2023 18:07

Can you apply for special guardianship? Did their df leave any directions in a will? Age is vital... (?)

Original poster

Perfectlyblended · 16/08/2023 18:40

So Court have allowed him to Stay with us until all assessments can be completed.
yes I was in the will as guardian and I legally have PR.

OP posts:

Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 16/08/2023 19:02

Seems pretty cut and dried to me op. The fact the family only had supervised access will I guess speak volumes officially...

2023issucky · 16/08/2023 20:38

How old are they? Have they got an advocate? What do they want.
If you have PR and they live with you, I can't see someone taking that away without very good reason. Being related is not a good enough reason.
Sorry for your loss

continentallentil · 16/08/2023 20:43

That’s really tough.

If contact with the mother was limited for a reason than I presume you would have to formally apply to be a foster carer / guardian?

newfriend05 · 16/08/2023 20:49

OP if you have have PR , I think your be ok as they would have to remove it !! And the only way they can do that is to prove your an unfit parent

uneffingbelievable · 16/08/2023 20:52

OP - give yourself a hug - absolutely shit situation for you and DS.
I say DS because if you have been given PR formally, then you ahve all the rights and duties of a parent.
So maternal family - can take you to court but there was obviously a reason why everything was like this.
I thnk your position is stronger than you think.

Just keep hugging your little boy and your other child. You are a family.

Ilovethewild · 16/08/2023 20:54

Op, please do seek legal advice, it is so worth it and you may be entitled to legal aid.
you need a specialist,
is the Local authority involved?

it must be so frightening and you have so much to deal with 💐

Mia85 · 16/08/2023 22:50

newfriend05 · 16/08/2023 20:49

OP if you have have PR , I think your be ok as they would have to remove it !! And the only way they can do that is to prove your an unfit parent

This isn't right unfortunately. If she was the child's (biological) mother then PR couldn't be removed but that's not the same for people who gain PR by other routes.

The good news is that family courts will make decisions on what is best for the child and there is no rule that biological family is always best, the fact that the child's home is with the OP will clearly be important. OP - I echo everyone else, please do get specialist advice. Are/have social services been involved?

Willyoujustbequiet · 21/08/2023 08:18

I'm very sorry for your loss.

It is highly unusual for you to have PR if you weren't married so I can only presume you've already been to court and its been determined necessary via a CAO naming you?

That is really quite uncommon so there must have been substantive evidence as why it was required. Please try not to worry.

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