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Step-parenting

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Original poster

They now want contact

54 replies

Namaste21 · 13/08/2023 10:59

So I have raised my son from the age of 7 months with my partner. We are a same sex couple and his birth certificate mum left him at 6 months to move to Australia. He is now 2. She is now back from Australia and wants something to do with him. Everything I do is what’s in the best interest for him. But I can’t help feeling she’s now back in his life because she can’t stay out in Australia and I just don’t want him to be anyone’s second option. He deserves to be everyone’s first option. I have no parental rights at present to my son and she does. I don’t want my emotions to get in the way of what is best for him so just wanted abit of advice on other peoples thoughts on whether this is what’s best for him? I have turned my whole life around to do what’s best for my son and I would do anything for him, he is literally my world and it would destroy me to lose him but in the eyes of the law I am not his parent

OP posts:
Original poster
Namaste21 · 14/08/2023 09:36

blackbeardsballsack · 13/08/2023 14:23

There are two strands to this.

  • absent mum's future contact
  • your role in the child's life

Resident parent mum should let this go to court. The other parent has been awol for the majority of their child's life and if I was her I would not be confident that she would be constantly involved with the child in the long term future. I would want contact to be built up very gradually so that the child wasn't disrupted and if the non resident parent didn't commit to this I would want contact to stop.

In terms of your role, I think you and your partner have been too quick to insert you into the role of second parent. You haven't been involved in the child's life for long enough to be 'mum' in my opinion. The child is only 2 and has already had two second parents. At this stage you are mum's girlfriend. Once your relationship has been established for a number of years and if there is not involvement with the original second parent, I would think that at this point you would be more of a step parent figure. I don't just let boyfriends of a year start referring to themselves as 'dad' after they have met my child.

Yes I do agree with this. I think we hadn’t assessed it properly. I think we just assumed that because I had raised DC from 7 months and BC parent had left and I had took on full role of mum, emotionally, physically and financially but I think because I see him as a son as would literally give my last breath to that boy it was probably a little reckless and selfish on our parts

OP posts:
saffronsoup · 20/08/2023 00:34

Was your partner married to her at the time? Did this woman legally adopt the child?

Original poster
Namaste21 · 20/08/2023 19:55

saffronsoup · 20/08/2023 00:34

Was your partner married to her at the time? Did this woman legally adopt the child?

No they weren’t married and she didn’t legally adopt him but she is on the birth certificate

OP posts:
GlitchStitch · 21/08/2023 15:42

I think it would be really strange for her to get contact. How is it in the best interests of the child? There is no biological connection or existing relationship that needs to be supported to continue. If she wants to use her parental rights is she also paying maintenance?

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