My DH has two DC from a previous relationship and over the years we‘ve been together they have split their time between this home and their mum’s. They are now teens and over the past few years the relationship with their dad has declined rapidly. Following a major row they now no longer choose to live here or even visit and for most of this year it has been a constant blend of rows & tension as they try to work through it.
They have tried external mediators, given each other space, tried small amounts of time together etc but it just goes around and around in circles with tensions building on both sides.
It clearly has a huge impact on life for all of us and every family event has been painful to say the least as it initiates yet more tension about whether they will or won’t attend.
I’ve tried to help both sides as much as I can, including maintaining contact with my DC/ their sibling but now am not even sure if what I’m doing is helping or hindering.
This isn’t a situation that will be resolved any time soon and has been brewing for years. I feel we are all living in such a tense climate that I don’t know what to do anymore to help. On one hand I feel my DH should step back and stop chasing but on the other hand I fully understand how hard it must be not to see his DC. I want to help both sides because I care about all of them but I’m not sure if I’m doing more harm than good by being in the middle - to the situation and also to myself/my DC.
I find myself holding my breath constantly and second guessing every decision I make and it’s slowly destroying my relationship with my DH which clearly impacts our DC. There is compromise both sides could make but they seem stuck in stalemate.
I don’t want to spend my life stuck in the middle of this. If anyone has any advice from a similar scenario, I’d be very keen to hear it.
thanks!