Entertaining DSS during summer

[Upsetanduncertain]

DP’s 14yo son is coming to stay with us for a minimum of two weeks over the summer holiday, maybe longer. The basis is he’s starting down the wrong path and a break away from his normal environment might help. I haven’t see him for 2 years although DP and DSS have regular communication.

DP will be working full time, whilst I work from home and look after our DC.

I am very happy to have DSS come and stay, but I have no idea how to help/handle the situation/keep him entertained. I know I need to find out his interests and talk to him, but I really feel on the back foot!

Any advice please?

You're WFH with your kids and the DSS there and you're expected to entertain him? Good luck with that. Why is it on you and not his father who should know him best?

Sorry, but fuck that, your husband needs to take leave and parent his child. Especially if he's not in a good place right now.

You aren't there to be your husbands magic wand.

My main advice is for your DP and your stepson's father to take time off. Even if it a few days rather than the whole fortnight. Especially if there's a bit of an age gap between your DS and his siblings - days out which suit everyone can be difficult to think of. I don't see why this is purely your problem - your DP, who knows his son better than you, should be coming up with ideas, talking to the lad about what he would like to do, etc. If the lad is going down the wrong path he needs a firm clear plan of action - he has 2 parents they should be doing this

for example could you sign him up to a summer school in a subject he's interested in ? It's a bit late and things could all be booked up but worth a few minutes of internet searching to see what's available.

Sorry - it seems we're all piling on, but I'm annoyed you seem to be picking this up as your issue when it's not. Your DP needs to step up here

You can't see me, but I've got my flabbergasted face on. You're looking after DC, working from home and expected to entertain your SS. Your DP has a great deal, you haven't. I wonder how SS will feel spending so little time with his dad. How much longer than two weeks?

DP and DSS have regular communication...does that mean actually seeing him or just phone calls etc?

He needs to take some time off and spend it with his son. He needs it.

Your DP is taking the actual piss.

He needs to take time off and be a present parent for his child instead of palming him off on you - who he has no real relationship with.

What sort of message is that going to send to his son? Sorry I can't be arsed to spend time with you but you can hang out at the house if you like.

You're not the hired bloody help. I'm so sick of men leaving their partners to shoulder all the parenting while they collect father of the year points just for having their own child in the same house as them.

Your DP really does need to take some time off to be with his son. Sounds like he's in a tricky place and hasn't had a lot of his dad's time over the last few years. If annual leave is limited, all parents are entitled to a number of unpaid weeks' leave to care for under 18s - this is exactly the sort of thing it's meant for.

You don't have to entertain him. As long as he has access to food, TV and some form of gaming he'll be fine. Plus he can bring books/magazines etc, and go out and see his friends. You DP needs to entertain him and take time off work to do this. Don't worry about it.

Your DP is crazy to think this is going to help. If you and SS don't have much relationship as it is, then being left with you while his dad makes no time for him, is only going to breed resentment.

Your DP needs to take this opportunity to do some actually parenting or he's actively making things worse.

Whilst I 100% agree with the above posters I thought I would give some more practical suggestions. My 14 yo boy likes:

Airhop
Swimming
Top golf
Arcades
Bowling
Eating out / take out
Shopping
Climbing
Cinema
Baking / cooking
Board games
Movie nights

To keep him active I send him on mini errands, chores, today we put air in the car tyres.

I hope his dad steps up and maybe you can all enjoy some of these activities together.

How old are your DC?

My 16 year old likes all of these but loves his sports. Is there a cricket day camp or a multi sports, climbing wall locally you could take him too. Your DH needs to take at least 2 days off both weeks to do stuff with his son.

Why isn’t his dad taking time off to look after him?

Thank you for your helpful suggestions, there’s some things I can see us all doing.

I understand the views of other posters but there’s too many personal reasons to explain everything. We will be doing the best we can for DSS together.

My only advice is that your partner needs to take time off to look after his child.

Why can't your DH take AL?

Sorry @Upsetanduncertain but I'm also failing to see why your DP is having his son stay for two weeks at a time when he is unable (or unwilling?) to take time off.

Other children and WFH, too? It would be too much in normal circs but you haven't seen this child for two years, and you say he's having problems, so he clearly needs the time with his Dad.

Your DP has put you in a really hard position and you're trying to make the best of it, which is admirable. But he needs to be there and spend quality 1:1 time with him.