Contact with step children

[Kelliesmile]

My ex husband and I split a few months ago,
He has 3 DS who I was really close to and loved very much for the 5 years we were together.
I haven't seen them since the split but my ex told me the youngest who is 7 is always asking for me, says he misses me and the split effected him quite badly.
He has said I could go and see them with him on a weekend but i haven't done so yet as I'm not sure its the right thing to do.
The boys mother has messaged me today and said they miss me terribly and I am welcome to see them when ever I like, and it doesn't need to be when my ex has them i can arrange contact through her.
I miss them alot and would love to see them as I never got the chance to say good bye, but my worry is that I would maybe not be able to maintain regular visits in the long run, I would probably only be able to visit once ever couple of months and is that really fair on them?
Then thinking ahead to the future if I ever (im in no rush to do so at all) met anyone else how would they feel about it and the same for my ex of he does.
I have not replied to the kids mum as of yet as I'm so unsure what to do, I've spoke to my ex who said the boys would love to see me and he knew his DCs mum was going to contact me as she had spoken to him about it and said how unfair it was on them.
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and could give me a bit of advice.

I’ve posted on a different thread this evening with the same theme.

I separated from a partner I had been with since my daughter was very young. I recognised their relationship was separate from my relationship with him, end result is they still see each other and face time. Not daily by any means, more like monthly, but it is consistent

If you want to stay in contact with them and they want that too then do it. They obviously mean a lot to you and you to them.

I've not been in this situation (and hope not to be!) but I would also want contact with my DSC if myself and DH ever split.

If everyone is on board I see no reason why you shouldn't maintain a relationship. You sound like a wonderful step parent and the fact your DSC want to see you and miss you is testament to that.

5 years is a huge chunk of a child's life, particularly for a 7 year old. They won't be able to understand why they can't see you anymore. I haven't been in the situation but given both bio parents seem onboard with it, if I were in your shoes I would definitely make arrangements to perhaps take them out for fast food, or to the movies every couple of months. Send Xmas and birthday cards etc.

They are clearly hurting and it will probably fizzle out as they get older anyway.

Do go and visit them. You can adjust to the situation as it arises in the future.

Right now, you miss them, they miss you and mum is supportive. Go for it.

Go and visit them when you can. It's a bonus that you don't even need to arrange it via your ex, if their mum is being so supportive.

Please go and see them. This will be a big positive impact on their lives. Even if the visits aren’t frequent perhaps you could message/FaceTime or post a note and they will know you still think and care about them.
I have lots of contact with my dgc but I often send them photos/messages as hoc. They love it when I send them pics of when they were little. Today it was a pic of them covered in cake mixture from a baking session.
Maintaining contact will be very grounding for them, positively impact their self-esteem and sounds like you would also enjoy it.

I think it would probably be nice to go over and see them once a month, or take them out. You don't have to and probably shouldn't commit to anything much bigger and more regular than that, but it should be pretty easy to maintain that and it's in line with something a close family friend/auntie might do.

If everyone is in agreement then just go for it, kids never suffer from having extra people who love them!

My friend sat next to her ex's first wife at the recent wedding of the eldest child, everyone gets along great and my first and the first wife are firm friends.

Sorry but I wouldn't. Like you say one day they'll meet someone else or just drop you

I would see them every couple of months and be available for a Facetime now and then, send cards etc. That would provide a thread between you all. I would deal with their mother though and leave out the ex as that could make things more complicated.

I would visit them via the mum but keep your ex out of it. 5 years is a long time, you can maintain the role of aunt or family friend. The relationship with them will likely also likely change naturally, so you might initially try to see them monthly but over time you’ll likely find the distance between visits will naturally increase and the relationship you have with the children will be less important to them. Letting it Peter out naturally is probably better than it just ending one day and them never seeing them again. Going to see them doesn’t have to be a lifelong commitment!

I would definitely go and see them. I think you would all benefit from it and it's great that all parties are keen for it to happen.

Thankyou everyone, arrangements have been made for me to take them our for the day in a couple of weeks time and we also did a facetime yesterday which was lovely

Yes, maintain contact. I was in similar situation as an adult step child and maintained contact for decades after parent died. It's a very important relationship to me but step parent is not an alternative parent, they are very much their own person but even if it's only a few times a year it means alot to both of us.