Positive stories of blended families

[1houseandhome]

Can you share any of your positive stories of blended families?

How you make it good as a new unit?

After much planning and deliberation my partner and I are moving in together with our children.

We've been together 5years and have two tweens each 2 boys and 2 girls.

I want to have a little ceremony or party to mark the occasion of us becoming a family

Have any of you done this?

Also can you tell me what you like about being in a blended family?

My biggest tip is don't try to parent each others children.

This is a hard age to do this - do they each have their own private space? a bedroom each? Or just wait a few years until they have left home?

Definitely don't try to parent each others children.

Don’t expect each other to love each other’s children as your own.

Make sure you both make quality time for your own children. They will appreciate that. Always keep a special eye on your own.

You both need to work as a team. If one of you becomes lazy and expects the other to do everything (it’s mainly men who become the lazy ones so watch out), then that’s when resentment can creep in.

What type of ceremony do you want? If it was me I'd keep everything as low key and without expectation and as possible.

My top tip would be to not parent the SDC, take time with just your DC regularly and don a hard hat.

Hi

We have recently blended, one teen boy each. To be totally honest it's very hard. Being really clear about expectations is a good plan. We thought we were but reality is very different. This has caused conflict. I thought before moving in the children would potentially cause most of the issues. Turns out they are golden, it's us and the way we 'treat' them, fairness, my kid/your kid etc.

Never saw any of that coming, there are lots of positives also. Being in a family makes general life a lot more fun!

Do kids get along?

How do the children feel about it? Will it be beneficial to them? I think that’s the key thing.

I am in the process of buying a house with my partner of 2 years and we have 2 children each from previous relationships who live with us individually full time.
We have not spoke about finances until the last few days and it has gone sour!
when we worked out the finances, she suggested 65% of our wages each month however this means that I pay almost £2925 per month and she pays £1300. I didn’t think that was fair although she does receive child benefit and tax credits which she will lose if we move in and I am happy to pay more however I think £1700 a month more is excessive if we are going in together. She receives DLA for both her kids which is £1300 and child maintenance totalling £530 on top of her wages. I receive £400 a month DLA for my son and have a rental income from a property which give me £800 a month on top of my wages.
Am I being unreasonable thinking that paying £1700 more a month on a house that we both own 50/50 although we both matched the deposit for the mortgage.
please be honest

Really lame way to sneak in a reversal of a completely separate thread. Think you'll get a great gotcha in the responses?

Edited to add: just saw you've also posted this as a separate thread. Lamer and lamer. Bugger off back to your mum's basement.

Been in a blended family for almost 7 years now. I have 2 kids and my husband has 4. They have all been full time with us. No weekend breaks with any of the kids. At the time we all moved in together which was like 3 months after we were dating my kids were 13 and 5 and his kids were 11,8,2,2(twins).

I know that many people immediately see my situation with my hubby as one of convenience. Meaning I was his backup mom replacement for his kids and of course to take care of the household. I am not oblivious to this of course but I think I also used him for the sake of my kids and just to give them some sense of stable and father figure in their lives. I was not looking for a “daddy” for them I just wanted them to feel they were in some sort of normal family setting.

I went from 2 kids to 6 kids. The changing diapers and staying up with the twins was not easy but I am happy I came into their lives when I did as their mom abandoning them would of also caused trauma on them as it has for the other two. Aside from that they were very delayed in their development and I feel I helped a lot with being proactive and getting them the services they needed to advance and develop properly.

The twins were actually the easy compared to the two oldest ones. They made my life a bit difficult with their constant rejection, I was their punching bag for their mom leaving them and they made me and my kids feel like intruders. I tried for many years to make us be more united but all that came to a lot of disappointment and frustration. At least my two kids - now , 20 and 12 are close with the twins and it gives me some joy to see that part I did right. Also the fact that the twins are now fully aware that their mom left them and not because of their doing but it was all her choice to do so.

Almost 7 years living together and my husbands other 2 older kids, didn’t form a bond with my two kids, nor do they speak to each other besides the common courtesies of - hello, bye, GM and GN. It’s like his two kids are not even living in the same household one would think being that they are so clueless as to what’s happening in everyone else’s life. At this point I act the same way as them, I just stick to the hi and bye. I don’t cook for them and don’t include them in anything we do outside this house. We can be having family day outside by the pool but they only come outside to get food and leave.

I guess overall I could say I have a good blended family. It has not been easy to let go of my expectations and to accept that I would never form a bond with the other two and neither would they want to be with my own 2 kids but mentally I think I’m almost there. At least the twins and my kids have a good relationship. Also everyone is respectful to each other, there is no fighting ever and no name calling. For that I have been very grateful for not having to deal with that kind of turmoil.

I am grateful for my kids growing up in this blended family. They have learned what to avoid and what’s best for them once they get their own family. Also has made us 3 grow stronger as a family. They have matured faster than what I would have wanted but that’s life.

Blended families are not easy but are a blessing in many other ways. Our expectations just can’t be that high and demanding. We have to be more realistic and be thick skin with our emotions and more logical.

Best of luck to those blended family creations!!