AIBU?

[ncforobviousreasons23]

DS comes home quite moody. He's 9.

He's quite rude to me and his grandma but nothing unreasonable.

Anyway, during dinner I ask him if I can check something with him (I was going to ask if he wanted dessert). He rudely says 'No you cannot'. So I said fine and just didn't offer dessert.

Anyway DH witnessed whole thing. Made some comment about being rude.. the proceeded to play games.

SS gets dessert.

So SS got dessert and DS didn't?

You couldn't just say 'do you want dessert?
You had to say 'can I check something with you' but don't tell him what?
Is that how a normal dinner conversation goes in your house?

Why ask him if you can ask him something - instead of do you want dessert?

Did you try and find out what was on his mind? In my house that kind of conversation has to be out of earshot of siblings so not at the dinner table but it sounds like something could have happened at school today.

It's fine for one child to get dessert but not the other.

Lol honestly I'm with your son, I hate it when people say "can I ask you a question?" and will often say no just to be annoying.

Your post is confusing me.

Who got dessert and who didn't? And who gave it out? Is DS a typo?

Who did DH say was rude?

What is your actual question?

Wouldn't it be better to talk to your son 1:1 about what's happening, rather than being extremely confrontational with an audience?

Are DS and SS the same person?

You sound pretty awkward. I’ve never heard anyone say ‘can I check something with you? Thanks for letting me check something with you, I was going to ask if you wanted cake and custard.’

If conversations are normally so clunky and awkward then that may be why he gets frustrated and annoyed. I’d feel irritated with that - it’s like someone making you jump through hoops for things, almost trying to goad a response or ‘check’ you’ll put up with all conversational dressage before they allow you the privilege of clarity. It’s frustrating.

So nobody picked him up on being rude? I’d expect my DH to do this and if he didn’t I certainly would. It doesn’t have to be a big deal but a simple “there’s no need to be so rude” and then followed up by a conversation when he’s calm about not talking his grumpiness out on other people through rudeness

I feel very sorry for DS if you ask the question “can you check…” before asking such mundane questions as whether he’d like desert!
I don’t understand why you didn’t just ask him if he wanted desert? Was it a test? Control?

I am unclear about the SS element.

*dessert

What do you mean your DH played games?

I’m with above posters , bit of a weird post .

You, OP, sound rather uppity. A moody 9 year old is both normal, and something you should be a little concerned about getting to the bottom of or encouraging your DH to do so. You asked a weird question to which "no" was a perfectly valid answer. Not rude.

Sounds like something has happened/he is upset about something. Perhaps just talk to him rather than ignoring it & presuming he’s just being rude for no reason. If this was my daughter, at the first instance of her being rude to me/grandma after coming home I would have started off with something like “you’re being a bit rude this afternoon & that’s not nice, are you okay? Has something happened today to upset you?”

Could you elaborate a bit?

So DS was rude and you didn’t offer him dessert. Your SS wasn’t rude and got the dessert you’d planned.

I’m struggling. You chose to punish your son and..? What did you want to happen?

Your son was rude so didn't get dessert.
your step son wasn't rude and got dessert.

whats the problem?

Anyway, during dinner I ask him if I can check something with him (I was going to ask if he wanted dessert). He rudely says 'No you cannot'. So I said fine and just didn't offer dessert.
this is weird. Instead of asking if he wants dessert, you asked him if you could ask him if he wants dessert?!

This post is a year old...! I'm sure op is over it now