I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I raised two children (22M and 25F). My partner has a child (8F) living 50% of the time with him. I moved in with him around 4 months ago. First of all, I had a 26 years long relationship and when I got divorced my dream was to enjoy life to the fullest and do all the things I haven't done in my 20s. I became a mother at 23 and then at 26. Both pregnancies were planned but they meant I haven't experienced life in my 20s as most people do, hence my desire to be free and one day meet someone child-free (or with adult children like me) to have adventures with. I met my partner 2 years ago and get along very well. He is clever, witty, and we have loads in common. Our relationship was light and easy and I used to feel happy with him. However, he has a young daughter (8) who is very difficult. When her parents split up, she was only 3 and her mother took her away from her father who had to leave his house, family and work behind and move to London, go to court, and fight for the right to be with her. To compensate all the trauma, he used to do whatever his daughter wanted and when he was with her, there was barely any rules for her to follow. She was used to be the centre of his world and to get 100% of his attention. When I got into the equation, she was 6 and despite suffering from high levels of anxiety and having anger issues, she loved playing with me. We had a great relationship and she asked me multiple times if she could call me "mum". I always said that she already had a "mum" but that I'd be happy to be her "step-mum" or any other role she wanted to see me playing, like a good friend, for instance. She is almost 9 now and things are obviously starting to change. She is in that phase where social interactions are a thing and she is now feeling that she needs to please her mother to get her love which means that in her head, being close to me is like being against her mother. She suffers from emotional neglect as her mother barely gives her any attention. To make a long story short, my partner's daughter was seeing a counsellor that was being really supportive and was helping her to mature emotionally. The anger issues were being addressed very well and her anxiety was being dealt with very nicely. She has made incredible progress in a year. Now, her mother started pressuring her to stop therapy (even though school counsellor, GP, and pediatrician recommended it), saying that she doesn't have any problem and she started saying that she doesn't have any worries anymore, therefore doesn't need going to a "worries specialist" anymore. We obviously cannot force her to see her counsellor and she will stop therapy soon. Being a "step-mum" has been very difficult for me. Being in the middle of other people's drama is hard. I look at my "step-daughter" and I see a child in trouble, with unresolved issues, trying to make sense of things by herself, in a ambivalent relationship with her mother, and an understandable anxiety. On the other hand, I also see a child that needs structure, clear expectations, and resilience building opportunities (maybe joining a sports team, the brownies, etc.) and counselling in order to develop well. My partner has improved A LOT his parenting skills and together we have been doing the best we can. But we have his daughter only 50% of the time and we cannot operate miracles. Also, I think that in a couple of years she will only get worse and I think that I have put up with enough. It's really hard contributing to the development of a child that isn't yours and in the middle of what I feel is chaos. I really don't know what to do but feel that I'm too far away of my decision of being free and enjoying my life to the fullest. I was happy to try and give my best to this relationship but feel that it's starting to drain too much out of me. I've moved in with my partner around 4 months ago but feel that this was a big mistake. We're now engaged and I'm considering moving out to have more space for myself. If you're reading this, I would be really grateful to hear your thoughts and experiences on the subject, especially about what being a step-mum means, expectations, how you deal with your role, etc. Am I being a horrible person to feel overwhelmed by this situation? I'm trying to be an adult but is being an adult putting up with stuff that make you feel bad? Or is it actually reflecting on where you stand and drawing clear boundaries?