Do these feelings ease?

[Nelli29]

Hi everyone,
If you've read my other threads you will know my situation well. I was starting to feel quite positive but what amazes me is how intensely and rapidly my feelings change. My sd is due tonight and staying but we were having to take her back tomorrow evening (nothing to do with BM), I have just spoken to dh who has just spoken to bm and sd is now staying till sunday. This ofcourse is fine, but I just feel so knotted up, almost resentful of what dh and sd share. I want that, I want a little person to share that with, when sd and dh are together I just feel so intensely sad and I can't seem to shake it off. Will this ever ease? It feels like just as I'm starting to get a handle on it the weekend comes round again and it smacks me in the face all over again. Am I just really bad at all this?

[otto]

So what you are admitting to is that you are jealous of the relationship your dh has with his dd and it makes you feel excluded. I think that is normal. I've had moments of that. You are in a fairly new situation and I think you've just got to give this time to settle down. After a while it should start to feel a bit more normal. Why don't you take yourself off for a few hours and do something for yourself this weekend. This will also give you dh time to spend with his dd.

It sounds as if you really want to have children yourself. Have you discussed having children with your dh?

[aloha]

Yes, are you trying for a baby of your own? You sound intensely broody to me.

[littledonkeyrach]

really feel for you, I have felt like this at times.

Yes, it does ease off, but it takes time. Perhaps you can plan something to do on your own on sunday, or for you and dp on sunday eve.

Are you hoping to have children at some point?

[Nelli29]

We are trying at the moment - we both really want a child, so its an exciting time for us!! As for the weekend, it was a great success!! Friday night , although a bit of a struggle, dh was very strong and sd slept in own room, sat we all went out for the day , dh plays football so he went off and sd and i went swimming and had great fun. Sat night after a bit of a battle of wills, sd took herself off to bed (which she does at home)dh popped up to say goodnight and that was that , didn't hear another peep untill the morning!! We then put the decorations up on sun and took her back home, Met bm and husband and we were all very pleasant and chatted and then off we went!! I feel much much better, it made all the difference that dh was a bit firmer and also supported me , sd reacted to it all very well, there were no tears or tantrums , it was like she just accepted that being at dads has now got the same rules as being at home! Hallelujah! We're on the right road! It will always be a bit of a rollacoster ride but I think we all feel so much better then we did a month ago , lets just hope its lasts!!

[valleygirl]

well done to you both - and am glad that your sd is happy to sleep in her own room -no reason why she shoulnd't of course, all the anxiety was probaably comign from your dh. all this hard work will all be worth it in the end i promise!!

[aloha]

Very good news. You really seem to have turned a corner, esp in getting support from your husband. Well done!

[reflection]

that's really nice to read. So glad things are getting better.

[Frizbethereindeer]

Congrats, sounds like things r looking up, don't worry about the odd bout of feeling how you do sometimes, I think we all get the odd niggle every now and again, mine usually happen when ss uses the phrase 'my daddy' in a whiney voice, as if he owns him and the rest of the family are just passing (dh and I have our own child too!) Have to remind myself he is dh's son, and is only 6, so very silly to wanna retaliate!

[FrostyTheSurfMum]

So glad you all had a good weekend. You aren't really bad at all this, it seems to me that you are very good at it. Phoning BM has probably helped, and that's down to you. I always think in our situation that if we all talked a lot more there would be a lot less bad feeling and fewer misunderstandings, on both sides.

Hope everything stays on an even keel.... and lots of luck with the baby making.

[otto]

Great news. Sounds like you're all really trying to make this work. And good luck with your baby too

[Nelli29]

Quick update: My dh and I are off to sd christmas play tomorrow!! Will let you know how it goes!!xxx

[aloha]

Have a lovely time!

[otto]

Have a great time. I hope it all goes well. I have to miss my sd's play this evening, but will try and make her concert tomorrow lunchtime.

[brusselbeansprouts]

Sounds to me like you are doing brilliantly!
FWIW I know the feelings you describe in your original post and now when I feel them, I remind myself that there is enough of dp to go round and that his relationshop with his dd does not mean he feels any differently/less about me. It horrified me when I found myself feeling jealous of a parent loving his child, but once I stopped beating myself up about it, it got that bit better!